here without you baby....

but your still on my lonely mind. i think about you baby and i dream about you all the time. im here without you baby..but your still with me in my dreams..and tonight its only you and me.....


big sighhhhhhhhhhh. today makes 122 days that jim has been gone. well since i saw him last anyway. roughly 278 when you take out his visit home. you would think that each month that passes i would feel stronger bc it means a month closer to him coming home. but no. im difficult you see....and i feel awful. im lonely and im miserable. im starting to feel empty without him. i feel like little pieces are wearing away inside. i cant even really describe how i feel to make you understand how awful it is. i havent heard from him since last tuesday. when i got the email last week, he said that the internet was having problems. but i hate not hearing from him. not knowing. the weekend is when i am soo ahppy bc i can talk to him. even if its only a half hour. and hes worrying me alot lately. you can tell in his emails that he is fed up. in one email he said" must be nice to do fun things. all i do is work and sleep" and another one was "i wish i had things to tell you but all thats here is bullshit. im getting frustrated with the bullshit". that..is not good. i wish i could be with him just for one hour. sighhhh. i miss him soooo much its killing me. i think i may torture myself...but whatever. i had the most beautiful dream last night, im not sure what we were doing. but we were in my nj house. in my nj room. you know all my dreams are in nj. with people from here. i dont ever have dreams in maryland...wonder what that means. anyway, and he made me the most beautiful breakfast with a flower in a vase. and laid with me in bed. and i remember being so happy in the dream. he hugged me and just laid with me. damn.. now im crying. sighhh

my weekend overall sucked. sat around all weekend hoping to hear from him. getting more and more frustrated as the days went and still nothing. i took austin to a halloween party for a little bit. i was in bed by 8 30pm friday and 11pm sat. which isnt like me. my newt died. i cried. i hit a pole and laughed hystreically. i blew a fuse in my car. yea thats about it

i think i may need to call the doctor and have him call me in a prescript for happy drugs. i think im falling apart