feeling funky

ok so ive been slacking lately with my daily entries. but i guess its ok bc, whoa too big. hold up.ok thats better. anyway, i guess its ok bc i only got mainly two readers and i dont see them as often as they used to be here anyway. so theres not really a whole lot to say. ive been slacking cuz i feel just miserable anymore. xmas is in 23 days and i could really give a shit. see what i mean? cant find a job, i have noooo money. my car insurance is due next week, today is austins bday jims is on the 19th and then theres xmas. so im not feeling all holly jolly like. my life sux. i know i know it could be worse, but ever notice how when you feel really crappy it seems like it couldnt be bc we take so much for granted? and me and jim have been bickering and hes really pissing me off anymore. i was talking to him about getting married before he goes away, and do you know what he said to me? if i wasnt so afraid of the possibility of a youngn reading this id be cursing. he said why do you think you deserve a ring? i looked at him with my best mean face(and believe me its scary) and said are you f-ing kidding me. not only have we been together for 3 years and 1 of those we have lived together, but i already waited for him for 9 months when he was shipped away last time and now i gotta wait around for 18 months? that doesnt deserve a ring? i didnt cheat last time when alot of other girls would have. i even had some guy all up on me and as "excited" as i was, i turned him down. and he was fine too. and now he expects to just take off for 18 months and wont even marry me? excuse my french any young people, but fuck that. and i told him so too. maybe im acting stubbornly or it doesnt seem like i love him very much or whatever, but thats how i feel about that. im not gonna spend another damn year and a half alone and not be wearing a 2 carat platinum ring. i told him if he doesnt marry me before he goes not to expect me to be here when he gets back. cuz i wont be here. when we started this relationship, i gave it 5 years the max i would wait to be asked. now it changes a bit cuz by the time he comes home the 5 year mark will have passed. i know i sound demanding, but cmon now, 18 months is a long time without loving and cuddling and whatever for just a boyfriend. i dunno. give me your thoughts on this.

im going back to bed to sulk. cuz i do that now too. jim just left for a 4 day hunting trip. bastard. now im gonna be soo lonely(whining). at least i have some barnum andbailey animal crackers. the kind i used to eat when i was a lil girl. they are the best.mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

love ya until tomorrow
muah