when you left you took a part of me....

hello my friends. i recieved an email from jim last night. he is in kuwait and they dont have phones only internet. i was sadly dissapointed by the message i got. it was all about his parents. tell them this and tell them that. and at the end he wrote, alright love ill talk to you later love you forever jim. huh.. so i sent an email back. it goes as follows:



hello lover,

ok, so since there is no phone things going on, i need to talk to you about something really quick. its important to me so pay attention.

ok first things first, i love you very very very much. probably too much and definitely more than you love me. so understand why i need to ask you this stuff. i promise this will be the last bit of drama that passes between us from here on out. promise.

i do have alot of other stuff to tell you cuz so much has gone on since we last talked. but i want to get this over with. and no matter what the outcome is i will still tell you anyway,cuz you know, i love you and all.

so i talked to danielle the other day. i got wind of the fact that she was trying to call you and i got her number and called her. dont worry i was nice. i didnt curse or yell or anything. we were civil to each other. i know how that concerns you and all. anyway, me and her figured it out and you and her definitely hooked up before me and you. so i was releived. i continued to ask her about baltimore, and she said that nothing happened between you two, which i already knew but it was reassuring to hear it. BUT...she let me in on a few other things that happened while you were there.

she told me that while you two were walking to the car, that you stopped her and made her look at you. that you told her that you didnt want to be with me anymore. and would she please wait for you for 14 months so you could come home to her. you told her you were kicking me out in three days(which would've been when you left) and when you did that, it was the end of you and me.

now some of me believes it, that you said it. but some of me doesnt. cuz some things just dont add up right in my head. you know how i analyze everything. like when you first told me that you and danielle hooked up, i told you if you didnt want to be with me to just say it. and then the day you left for over there i said are you sure you dont wanna be on break. i gave you two chances to end this relationship, and you didnt take either of them. and you keep telling me how much you love me, which is great. cuz i love you very much. and ive never known you to be fake or to lie to me. and id hope you wouldnt feel the need to now.

she told me she wasnt the only one you said it to. she said that you told erik kim desiree and kyle too. but when i called and asked all them, they didnt hear that. erik said that you told him about the us being on break thing but that you never said you didnt want to be with me anymore. and when he tried to ask you about it in front of me you ignored him. everyone i asked only heard about it from her. so its your word against hers. i will beleive whatever you say

so what i want to know is, is it true? do you really not love me anymore? do you not want me around? bc if so i will go. you would be proud of me bc i am being so strong now. i havent cried since i found out. i dont want you to tell me you love me out of pity or anything else. so please tell me if its true if you said it or not. and if you did say it in your drunkeness,did you mean it. i wont go after danielle. i wont do anything but leave, if thats what you want. and i dont want you to say you want me to go, bc of the whole break thing. know that if you tell me its over, theres no going back and changing it. i have loved you since the very beginning of us. i never stopped and i probably wont ever. but i dont want to hurt. i dont want to be on break either bc you need me just as much as i need you now that you are gone. and to me it would be like telling me to give up on everything ive known for the past almost 4 years. like giving up on us. so i need to know what is true and what is not. i know ive changed alot and now with all this i can see how much. im sorry for trying to pressure you into marriage. i can see how dumb ive been. you are the best thing to ever happen to me jim. and i love you for all you have done for me.

but if you want us to end, tell me, and as soon as i can leave here, i will pack my shit and go and youll never have to worry about me again. as much as i love you i want you to be happy. and if that means life without you, then so it is.

i love you with every beat of my heart. please tell me soon bc the suspense is killing me


i love you

ness


im waiting on a reply whcih i probably wont get till tomorrow morning being as i didnt see the one he sent last night till 5 am. and i was on the comp till about 10 last night.

its a cliffhanger and im scared. i know all of you think i need to just get out of this relationship, but like i said, you dont know the whole thing only what i tell you. i know you are trying to help,but...ya know. so until tomorrow. i will post as soon as i know myself