dammit all to hell

i already typed this damn post up!!or half anyway, and it fucking dissapreared. now i gotta do it again..grrrrrrrr

ok there is a drunken post from yesterday underneath here explaining my small dissapearance.

and again....i need to stop having these dreams of jim bc they are killing me. it sounds awful but i wish it would stop. bc although they are wonderful dreams i wake up and i am severely dissapointed and then become depressed. i hate having these dreams and wake up alone with no emails from him. it rips me apart. god i miss him so much.

anyway, heres the dream..we were at my house in nj..as always. i dont know why we are never here. lol even in my dreams i hate it here.lol anyway,so jim was coming home for a visit and me and his parents were waiting around for him with these other guys who i have never seen in my life but were apparently his friends. anyway, so his moms cell rings and she talks on the phone and she starts smiling and i knew he was there. so i run to the door to jump on him and he comes in all smiling big. but his mom bumps me out of the way.bitch!! anyway so after he hugs her i get him and he kisses me and hugs me and picks me up and its a great movie. then we are all in the main room hanging out and his mom says something cunt like and instead of knocking her out like i wanna..i walk away to my room. his parents seem to appear out of nowhere to bitch me out and then jim comes out of nowhere and stands in front of me and tells them to leave me alone. his mom dissapears and then his dad glares at me and then gets all teary eyed and looks at jim and shakes his head and leaves. so we continue on to be lovey and stuff and then he says something i cant really remember all of it but this part......"blah blah blah for xmas" and i am feeling confused for a minute and then i look up with a big smile and i say are you gonna be home for xmas and he shows me his big handsome smile and im so happy and in love... and then i wake up. to be all alone...with nothing. makes the day depressing. this is the third dream this week. im not sure how many more i can take. sighh


stolen from the queen


Name someone with the same birthday as you.

christina campana...girl from school

Where was your first kiss?

i beleive i was 15 or 16 and i think it was at my house or a friends.lol i guess i dont even remember. but i remember it was with eddie. i loved him so i thought then. it wasnt very good.lol

Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?

Not yet.lol

Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?

ive hit alot of people..lol of the opposite sex. but like really really hit..oh yea.

Have you ever sang in front of a large group of people.

yes..but only when i am really drunk. people make me sing

What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?

eyes and lips

What really turns you on?

someone whispering in my ear and feeling thier hot breath on my neck and mabe running their tongue on it real quick. my neck is my weakness

What do you order at Starbucks?

i dont drink alot of coffee and i live in hillbillyville i dont even know where one is

What is your biggest mistake?

dropping out of school

Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?

yes. i have a problem with pulling out hair as well as punching and kicking things that do more damage to me then the object

Say something totally random about yourself.

i like to observe people when they think noone is looking

Has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity?

well i guess its kinda a clelbrity...but though i dont like to admit it..some have said i look like monica lewinsky. but i say otherwise

Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?

damn right..some of my faves

Did you have braces?

yes

Are you comfortable with your height?

no i am too short. id like to be 5 ft 6

What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?

offered to buy me a train ticket home for xmas bc he knew how much it meant to me to be home for xmas and i didnt have enough money to go

When do you know it's love?

when every thought waking or sleeping is about them. and you are more comfortable and happy with them then anyone else.

Do you speak any other languages?

i know some italian

Have you ever been to a tanning salon?

damn right. i hate being pasty white

What magazines do you read?

cosmo and in touch

Have you ever ridden in a Limo?

yes.. a few of them

Has anyone you were really close to passed away?

my mom. thats all i have to say about that

Do you watch MTV?

since i was 4

What's something that really annoys you?

attention whores and liars

What's something you really like?

i love to sing. and wish i wasnt so shy so i could do more of it. ok shy about the singing in front of people. not like really shy.lol

Do you like Micheal Jackson?

i liked him back in the days of beat it and thriller

Can you dance?

yes i can. i am a very good dancer. the drunker i am..the better i dance

What's the latest you have ever stayed up?

about 38 hours

Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance to the emergency room?

just once when i wrecked my car. i did not like it

Do you read this when someone fills them out?

yes i find them interesting