sorry

sorry my loves. i know i have been neglecting you all. but there really hasnt been much going on to write about. and lately i dont have much time to actually read all of your blogs. i stop in when i can. jim is on a new shift which means as soon as i get home i talk to him until about 7 30 at night juggling dinner and homework and a shower in there too. by the time i get done with him i have shows on tv and the weekedns now that xmas is coming are busy as hell. but once the holiday passes i promise to be more attentive.

yesterday was austins birthday. he turned 7. holy shit where does the time go. 7 years ago yesterday i was in labor..all by myself....talking on the phone for 3 hours and then he came out. i was newly 18 and i lived in florida while all my family lived in nj. but it was an interesting experience. lol. we had a small little party here last night for him. he was happy with the results.

had a little chat with jim the other day that made me happy

JeRzEeGrLiNmD: yea so the army thing....
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i would really love it if you dont re enlist
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i know you want that money
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but is it worth it?
jiminiraq2005: im still listening
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im asking you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: is it worth it
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: just for the money?
jiminiraq2005: i dont knwo
jiminiraq2005: not really
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i dont wanna be an army girlfriend anymore
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: it doesnt do anything good for us
jiminiraq2005: its only 15000 dollars
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: yea but last time you were like..well it is 15000 dollars thats half a car
jiminiraq2005: over 6 years its not alot
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: nope
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i would really like to spend alot more time with you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: on a regular basis
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: not in between deployments
jiminiraq2005: i know
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i would really love it if that was important to you too
jiminiraq2005: it is
jiminiraq2005: want you to be hapy
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i want you to be happy too lover.. i know it doesnt sound that way
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but i know for me.... i cant do it again
jiminiraq2005: i knwo
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im not capable of waiting again
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you are my glue
jiminiraq2005: you said that be fore look at you now
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: what do you mean?
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: like bc i am waiting?
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: yea..but this is not fun..i dont like it..
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: every night i go to bed and tell god and my mom to keep you safe
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i hate it
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you should be next to me
jiminiraq2005: you said you souldnednt do it agaion look at you now
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ok well i really dont think i can do it again
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i dont want to
jiminiraq2005: ok
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: does that influence you at all?
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: like i mean like..does that..damn i dont know the words i want
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i love that you love army
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but i hate army
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i hate that you are unsafe
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i hate being away from you
jiminiraq2005: i am safe
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i hate how it feels like all we do is fight everytime you go away
jiminiraq2005: and im with you in spirits
jiminiraq2005: if there is a thing like spirits
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lol
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i know what you mean
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but i dont want spirits
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i want like body
jiminiraq2005: i can cut off my arm and send it home and you can snuggle with that
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ewww
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lol such a smart ass
jiminiraq2005: thata body
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: if you are gonna cut something off give me something useful
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ;-)
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lol
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im serious though baby
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im ready for us to start our life together
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: without interuptions
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i would like to do that when you get back
jiminiraq2005: ok
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ok like yes? or ok like you hear me?
jiminiraq2005: i hear you and that is probably a good guess on what is going to happen
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: so is it like a good guess like i can get excited?
jiminiraq2005: why do youneed to get exicted
jiminiraq2005: i have not made my mind up
jiminiraq2005: but
jiminiraq2005: im leaning tords being done



i know i shouldnt get excited....and maybe it seems wrong to some of you...but you arent me..and you arent living like i am now. so no lectures please.

i love my baby!