no time...no time...

its finally happened. ive lost every damn ounce of sanity. if you dont feel like reading about it,come back tomorrow...ok here goes

im about as miserable as i can be. ive been stressed to the damn max. now this has happened before,but it was always ok bc there was someone to lean on. right now noone has any fucking time for me. and i feel like im just falling apart until i get down to just ashes that will blow away. i cant really pinpoint one thing thats bothering me,bc its everything. im stressed about money im stressed about my job im stressed about jim being gone. im just fucking STRESSED to the damn max. and i cant handle it. i used to be a really happy person. you know the kind that gets on your nerves, now ive become this. i take everything offensively everything upsets me and i hate it. i hate what ive become.

im pmsing again, my moms death aniiversary is rolling up very quickly im miss jim so much, i have no friends really cuz all the friends i have dont have any available time for me. i feel like a little kid again,being in the hell house of misery and pain and noone to help me with it. noone to help me get through it. nobody has any time for vanessa.

its a shitty feeling,and its tearing me apart. i dunno when ill post next. could be tomorrow,could be never. sorry this is so depressing,and i know you think i should just vent here, but i dont think its helping me. i dunno if i can be helped. and i certainly dont wanna hear how i need a doctors help or how im selfish. so to avoid all that,im just gonna stay away until i have a happy day.

hope you all are well.