im gonna get through this...i think
ok, now ive read everyones comments. and first i will say thank you. bc in some way you are all trying to help, whether i like what you say or not. i still love you all, i was mad about some,but i will get over it!
ok now, im gonna try to make all of you understand some things about me. now my life story sucked. for those of you unfamiliar with it, heres the rundown. i grew up a rich girl. so i had everything i ever wanted,except someone to tell me or show me they loved me. i watched my mom get beat on a regular basis, and when she got beat, i got beat. i was molested by my stepdad from the ages of 13-15. i was raped on my 17th bday. got pregnant at 17 and then abandoned. had many boyfriends of different status's. one who was violent, one who cheated,all that fun shit. ok. so with dealing with all that, i never knew really what love was. i thought i did,but it never was. by the time i met jim, i got some self confidence, grew a backbone, and said fuck it to just about everything. i played with the boys heads,never getting close to any of them, that way i could never get hurt again. so when i met jim i was sexy single independent and didnt care. jim was another one of my games. but i ended up falling for him. hard. i knew with him it would all be different. on one of our first few nights together,we went and parked by a bridge and talked for like 6 hours. trading life stories. which id never done with a guy. so he knew all about me.
on the day that jim told me he loved me,and i could tell he meant it, i cried. i cried for like 20 minutes. and then i knew i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. before him i never wanted to get married. never ever. but with jim it was different. jim was there when my mom got sick. if it hadnt been for him, i wouldnt have gone to see her that last time. he was there when my mom died. he held me together. he always holds me together. jim is my glue. i became very dependent on him. he makes me whole inside. all those years of being hurt,and letdown, and having never been loved by anyone, he fixed. none of it mattered anymore. jim is my perfect man. no matter what bad things you here me say, jim is my love my life.
but without him i fall apart. without him its like regressing in life. i know it sounds pathetic, but thats how it is. and right now hes only in mississippi. when he goes to iraq ill be a complete mess. i love jim more than life, i would never leave him. but at times like these when i cant talk to him for days, or we argue when we do, i just lose it. my head falls off and makes me dumb. and then i depress myself even more,and get to the point where im numb. and i dont care about anything. it comes and goes. but thats how it is.
and on that note... im going back to bed. cuz thats the only way i know to get through this
ok now, im gonna try to make all of you understand some things about me. now my life story sucked. for those of you unfamiliar with it, heres the rundown. i grew up a rich girl. so i had everything i ever wanted,except someone to tell me or show me they loved me. i watched my mom get beat on a regular basis, and when she got beat, i got beat. i was molested by my stepdad from the ages of 13-15. i was raped on my 17th bday. got pregnant at 17 and then abandoned. had many boyfriends of different status's. one who was violent, one who cheated,all that fun shit. ok. so with dealing with all that, i never knew really what love was. i thought i did,but it never was. by the time i met jim, i got some self confidence, grew a backbone, and said fuck it to just about everything. i played with the boys heads,never getting close to any of them, that way i could never get hurt again. so when i met jim i was sexy single independent and didnt care. jim was another one of my games. but i ended up falling for him. hard. i knew with him it would all be different. on one of our first few nights together,we went and parked by a bridge and talked for like 6 hours. trading life stories. which id never done with a guy. so he knew all about me.
on the day that jim told me he loved me,and i could tell he meant it, i cried. i cried for like 20 minutes. and then i knew i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. before him i never wanted to get married. never ever. but with jim it was different. jim was there when my mom got sick. if it hadnt been for him, i wouldnt have gone to see her that last time. he was there when my mom died. he held me together. he always holds me together. jim is my glue. i became very dependent on him. he makes me whole inside. all those years of being hurt,and letdown, and having never been loved by anyone, he fixed. none of it mattered anymore. jim is my perfect man. no matter what bad things you here me say, jim is my love my life.
but without him i fall apart. without him its like regressing in life. i know it sounds pathetic, but thats how it is. and right now hes only in mississippi. when he goes to iraq ill be a complete mess. i love jim more than life, i would never leave him. but at times like these when i cant talk to him for days, or we argue when we do, i just lose it. my head falls off and makes me dumb. and then i depress myself even more,and get to the point where im numb. and i dont care about anything. it comes and goes. but thats how it is.
and on that note... im going back to bed. cuz thats the only way i know to get through this
posted by naughtygirl @ 4:02 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home