yea im home early..and what?

so i never heard from jim yesterday. he said he was gonna call but nope nothing. i even left my ringer on all night. no call no text message. whatever. im feeling stressed and when im stressed i need him. and i get......nothing. fuck it whatever.

so i got up this morning and knew that i didnt want to go to work. i told austin this too. he says well we should take the day off. me no work him no school. but we went. by 9:15 i was ready to go. after tearing up all morning, i knew that i couldnt stay there. i knew i was on the edge of my meltdown. and i KNEW if someone were to be shitty to me,id flip out and get fired. so the solution? go home early. so here i am. i went to the old job and visited some friends. and that made me a lil better. then i came home. since i was home,austin wanted to stay home. so i said ok. hes downstairs watching the cat in the hat. very content. me, ive got a thing of ice cream in the freezer calling my name. fuck the diet. maybe ill bowflex later. oh and when i went to the old work they said it looked like i lost weight. yayyyyy bowflex. i cant wait for jim to see me.

i got a card in the mail today from jim. it was sweet. made me cry though. ive been telling him i want some cheesy love. and i got it. on the front it says:

if this were a perfect world i could strestch my arms all the way to where you are and give you a big hug.

open it up and it says:

but if this were a perfect world we wouldnt be apart.

or something close to that. then he wrote, see i can do cheesy love to. i miss you and i love you very much. i cant wait to be with you forever.

and he even drew a little heart with an arrow through it and made some x's and o's

god i miss him. i found the perfect song today about us. so you know that youll have to read the lyrics:

I've got this jones formin in my bones
from a man
who indeed took over my soul
understand
I couldn't breathe if he ever said
he would leave
get on my knees til they bloody red
beggin please
see I don't know if you get it yet
just don't know
he's like a lighter to my cigarette
watch me smoke
I never knew another human life
didn' t know
could have the power to take over mine

so baby Baby baby baby baby baby baby
I love you baby baby baby baby baby
I love it when I hear your name got me sayin
baby baby baby baby baby baby
I love you baby baby baby baby baby

See I can never feel alone with you
in my life
I'll give up everything I own for you
won't think twice
almost ashamed how I'm mesmerised
such a shame
I lose my thought lookin in your eyes
I know why
because your kisses make my lips quiver
and that's real
and when you touch me my whole body shivers
I can feel now
I can see how another life
another life could have the power to take over mine
cause you're my Baby

I can see my worth living here
on God's green earth
you don't know what you've done to me
I never thought i'd need you desperately
it's kinda sick how I'm stuck on you
but I don't care cause I'm needin you
and how I feel will remain the same
cuz you're my baby

And when the world starts to stress me out
will I run
it's to you boy without a doubt
you're the one who keeps me sane and I can't complain
can't complain
you're like a drug you relieve my pain
may seem strange
you're like the love flowin through my veins
keeps me alive and feedin my brain
now this is how another human life
another life
could have the power to take over mine
cause you're my baby


perfect song. i love him so much

COME HOME NOW LOVER!!! I NEED YOU