feeling miserable

yup thats right. im feeling downright shitty. and not just cuz i cant sleep bc of this damn sunburn/ poisoning. which is so burnt it has passed the red point and turned whitish purple. not pretty. but cuz i just talked to jim. lol well not bc of that but cuz of the shit he said.

he is now in mississippi. which means hes one step closer to being home. but im starting to not be so excited about that. hes talking about he wants to drink every night. are you kidding me? i mean yea ok going out and drinking is cool and all,but every night? i dont think so. then i told him how i wanna go on a date and see mr. and mrs. smith. and he tried to talk me out of it. he says lets rent a movie and stay home. and he wants to go to baltimore for his sisters bday. whoopdeefucking doo. i hate her. HE hates her. the only reason he wants to go out for her bday is cuz its her 24th bday. well you know whos gonna have to be the dd right? yea..me! booooo. sigh. and hes talking about how he went to vegas, and la while he was in cali. and how he blew all his money there. guess im not gonna get my ring he promised. i know im probably sounding selfish,but you know i just dont care anymore. ohhh and lets not forget the part where he told me that he wants to maybe sell the house. whatever

three days left and suddenly i dont feel so excited anymore

edit; here is the second half of my conversation with jim. i didnt feel like typing it again, so this is when i told my sissy what happened. im too stressed and fed up to retype it again.

JeRzEeGrLiNmD: so he calls me today and you know this is our first conversation in almost a month
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i told him about how austins dad is gonna come and pick him up and then i said and you know what that means...
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and he goes what
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: instead of like you know playing along. he said what like he didnt know or could give a shit
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: then he goes on to tell me hes gonna be drinking all week and how hes so excited to drink and i was like i dont wanna drink all week and he was like well i doo
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: like hes sooo excited to drink and like not to see me
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: then i said well i wanna go on a date just me and you to go see this movie
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and hes like what movie and i said mr and mrs smith and he was like no
omfg its ryy: i wanna see that too
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lets stay home and rent a movie. and i was like no i really wanna see it and noone else will go with me
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and thats why you are my kick ass sissy,lol
omfg its ryy: lol
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and hes like well take randi(my friend) or someone else blah blah blah
omfg its ryy: I'd see it with you if you were here
omfg its ryy: why is he being mean?
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: awwwww i love you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i dunno
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im not even too the mean part yet
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: it gets better
omfg its ryy: oh boy.
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: so then hes finally like ok....lol you crack me up....
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: so then i was saying diferent stuff we could do and he completely changes the subject and tells me how he went to las vegas and like blew a bunch of money and then won it back and blew it in L.A.
omfg its ryy: ha that's intelligent
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: so you know what that means? oh and he said we wont be doing much cuz he blew his money
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: yea i know
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i wont be getting the ring he promised
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: fucker
omfg its ryy: are you serious
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ummm yea
omfg its ryy: wtf
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: so he said hes been thinking about selling the house and i didnt say anything and hes like why are you so quiet and i said you just said you were gonna sell the house
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: where the fuck am i supposed to go. and hes like i just said i was thinking about it. so i said whatever
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: so then he gets off the phone with me and i am like way upset getting ready to cry
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: so i call him back and the whole time im thinking why is he being so shady like. he hasnt seen me in 5 months and the thing hes most excited for is to get drunk? and then says he wants to sell the house cuz he wont be here for a year which he knew before he left?JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im thinking damn he doesnt love me anymore. so i call him and leave a message and then eventually he calls me back
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i was saying how it bothers me about all that, and hes like well im excited for other stuff too. i said dont you love me anymore and hes like yea and i was like well act like it
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: this is where it gets really "awesome"(using your word.hehehe)
omfg its ryy: haha
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: so then i ask him i say i guess we arent going to zales (the diamond store) when you get home huh? and he says probably not. and i was like but you promised. and hes like i dont remember that. i was like wtf? you promised me on valentines day
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and he was like no i said someday. and i was like NO you told me on valentines day that when you came home for this break that we would go to zales and get my ring
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and he didnt say anything. then he goes i just dont think its a good idea right now
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i was like why not and hes like bc im gonna be gone for a year and i was like yea.... and hes like and its gonna be hard on you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i said what does that have to do with the ring
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and he goes..get ready for this
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: well you will need help. and maybe a NEW BOYFRIEND
omfg its ryy: what?!
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i was like are you coming home to dump me, and he was like no but this is gonna be really hard on you and you will need someone to help you get thropugh it
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i said so you want me to go find a new boyfriend? and the fucker goes no i dont think so
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: wtf is that?
omfg its ryy: oh vanessa..
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: bc hes not gonna be here for a year he wants me to find someone else and that will make it all better?
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i dont understand what that means. i said jim this isnt like the first time youve gone away and hes like yea but its the first time ill be gettting shot at and you wont be able to talk to me and youll need alot of help
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: then hes like you should go live with gio or randi or nick or someone so they can help you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i said well i dont need to go live with them, i can see them whenever and hes like well youll need someone with you all the time. especially since ILL BE GOING TO THE WORST SPOT OVER THERE
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: fucking great
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: wtf am i supoosed to do with all that
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: doesnt it seem like hes trying to push me away or something
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i dont get it
omfg its ryy: well
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: how do you tell someone you love and wanna marry someday to go find another boyfriend for a year
omfg its ryy: it's kinda confusing.
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: yea it is
omfg its ryy: he may just be thinking of you
omfg its ryy: okay
omfg its ryy: it's either 2 ways
omfg its ryy: he's a total asshole
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: well i know he is cuz he said he just wants me to be happy but he should know me being happy is with him not just some random guy
omfg its ryy: or he really loves you and wants to see you happy and would sacrafice not being with you so you're happy
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i love him for life i would never replace him
omfg its ryy: well he might not know that
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ive told him repeatedly
omfg its ryy: he's a guy
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: if he got killed over there i would never ever search for another guy
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: noone could ever be to me what he is
omfg its ryy: i don't think he is trying to push you away
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: my life ends and started with him
omfg its ryy: unless he plans on finding some hot iraqui bitch
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lol
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i highly doubt that
omfg its ryy: iraqi* whatever
omfg its ryy: exactly lol

sighhh