thank you

my lover is ok. good thing i never get any sleep any more or i would have missed him. but i woke up for the third time at 4am and jim was on. so i got to talk to him and he's ok. god i miss him so damn much. it seems these last months are the hardest yet.i'm so excited for him to be almost done. imean we are more then half way done. but good god..i want him home now. i cant take the damn stress anymore and god knows i havent slept good in months. and jesus i want his mom to leave me the fuck alone already.

yesterday i was supposed to go to his moms to drop off money. i said i would be there AROUND 4:30pm. well i eneded up talking to an old friend from high school that i havent talked to in years. and we talked for about an hour. and finally i got myself off the phone and into the shower getting ready to start the evenings events. well while i was in the shower austin comes up and goes sue is here. so i said ok tell her i will be down in a minute. all i could think was that jim was dead. sounds gruesome i know,but everything thats been happening is right where he is. noone has heard from him in days and i didnt understand why she would've been there otherwise since i said i was gonna drive over there. so as i get out of the shower i am shaking..thinking that i would feel it in my heart that if something happened i would know..i would feel it. but still i was shaking and on the verge of tears. i go down and shes there and shes looking all sad and i was like whats up sue. and shes like i am here for money and as i was getting ready to say i was on my way there she was bitching talking about i was taking too long. i just let it go. im too fucking tired to fight these days. then i told her i havent heard from jim still and shes like oh thats not good. not good at all. i hate talking to her bc she makes me more crazy about him then i already am. she gets me all freaked out thinking the worst..and i dont need that. finally she left and i asked austin if he asked who it was before he let her in. he says i didnt let her in she let herself in. she used her key to just fucking walk right in. now ok..i can see if i wasnt here..but if i am here..you dont just fucking whip out the key and walk right in. i have had it with this bitch!! i have no privacy at all. its ridiculous. sighh..then i went on my merry way to randis house. stayed there for awhile. not sure how long..but then randi came here bc her house was like a zoo. and we played video games and chatted for a bit. our new mission is shrek 2. its pretty hard. we were far in the game and then the guy that lives at randis house with her accidently..accidently my ass! so anyway now we have to work all the way back up there again. which is my mission for today.

anyway, then i went to slepp and woke up like a hundred times....sigh..and caught my lover on the computer. god i miss him and want him so bad. i have high hopes for his return. i cant way to love him. and aprreciate him and all that stuff. i think when he gets home things will be different..but a good different. i think we will appreciate each other much more..and be more lovey.

JeRzEeGrLiNmD (5:10:08 AM): what is the very first thing you want to do when you get home
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (5:10:10 AM): dirty thing
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (5:10:13 AM): i think i know
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (5:10:17 AM): but i wanna hear it
jiminiraq2005 (5:10:22 AM): take a shower
jiminiraq2005 (5:10:26 AM): and kiss you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (5:10:51 AM): yayy
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (5:10:55 AM): i cant wait to be kissed
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (5:10:58 AM): i miss kissing
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (5:11:10 AM): when you come home im gonna knock you down and kiss you for hours
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (5:11:12 AM): so be prepared
jiminiraq2005 (5:11:18 AM): ok
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (5:11:31 AM): you know how i love kissing
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (5:11:39 AM): you know we used to kiss alot more in the beginning
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (5:11:44 AM): we dont kiss enough anymore
jiminiraq2005 (5:13:10 AM): we dont kiss at all righ now
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (5:13:19 AM): well duh
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (5:13:27 AM): but when you are here..we dont kiss nearly enough
jiminiraq2005 (5:13:43 AM): we can fix that
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (5:13:49 AM): good
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (5:13:52 AM): i wanna kiss alot
jiminiraq2005 (5:14:03 AM): yea and kiss my nuts alot
jiminiraq2005 (5:14:04 AM): too

lmao..pig. i sent him a box of stuff. nothing really exciting..but it was enough to make him think of me...i made him give me a play by play of the opening of the box..lol

jiminiraq2005 (4:54:45 AM): some one kicked something into my area
jiminiraq2005 (4:54:51 AM): i woke up
jiminiraq2005 (4:54:58 AM): i saw it was a box
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:55:04 AM): damn they kicked it?
jiminiraq2005 (4:55:08 AM): then i saw it was from you
jiminiraq2005 (4:55:14 AM): i opened it
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:55:24 AM): uhh huhhhh
jiminiraq2005 (4:55:32 AM): it made the area smell like you
jiminiraq2005 (4:55:41 AM): then i took the bear out
jiminiraq2005 (4:55:48 AM): and put it on my bed
jiminiraq2005 (4:56:03 AM): then i put the candy in my fridge
jiminiraq2005 (4:56:18 AM): i looked at the picture and the card
jiminiraq2005 (4:56:51 AM): it took me like 10 min to get the calender out if the bottom cause it was a perfect fit
jiminiraq2005 (4:57:09 AM): i looked therough the calander put it on my bed
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:57:09 AM): lmao
jiminiraq2005 (4:57:30 AM): tehn i got in bed with the bear and slept happily ever after
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:57:40 AM): happily ever after huh?
jiminiraq2005 (4:58:10 AM): i slept like a baby

i sent him another special bear from my collection drowned in perfume that i wear..lol..i love that he slept with it...hehe..god i miss him