SIGH

my lover called last night. i was sooooo sad, god all i did was cry. and he sent me various text messages last night. im so sad and its only cuz i feel lonely. and when i cry to him he says the same thing over and over again. "youll be alright vanessa" finally, cuz i was in rare form i spazzed. no i wont be alright stop fucking telling me how i feel. you dont know how i feel. god that really irritates me. DONT TELL ME HOW I FEEL. I AM NOT ALL RIGHT SO STOP TELLING ME. HE WAS ALL QUIET FOR A MINUTE.oops forgot to take off the caps. anyway, then he apologized. said he was sorry, and he was sorry he had to leave me. and all that good stuff. then he had to go. he sent me text messages and i finally understood what he meant. he thinks that im worried about us not making it through. like when i say i cant do this, i mean i cant do us. thats not what i meant at all. i know we'll be ok. duh. and then he said all this other sweet crap and i felt better. for that point of time. he started telling me what was on the schedule for today. they were doing all evaluations to make sure everyone was still able to go. i told jim to smack his head against the railing to break a tooth so he wouldnt have to go. he said sounds painful to me. i told him id take away all his pain. then that escalated into dirty talk. which, makes me laugh. then we were fine, until he got off the phone. then, i cried and said "dont go, dont leave me" im so pathetic. but i wait all day long for like a 10 minute conversation. and then i get it, and its like my special time with him. and at the end of 10 minutes im not ready to lose him for the day yet.

i dunno how to explain it...but nobody understands how i feel. except other wives and girlfriends of military people. and i havent met any yet.

siiigggghhhhhhhhh :(