a post to "bibsy"

this is a post about my sissy. i call her bibsy. we actually tried to sit down and think about why i call her that, but i cant remember and she cant either.lol but i cant seem to not call her it. her real name is ryan. my mom used to love this movie, i wanna say it was mystic pizza. and the girls name was ryan. my mom wanted an original name. that would be it. she used to hate the name, my sister. cuz its a boys name and all. but she likes it now. says it makes her unique or something.lol my sissy will be turning 16 soon. god where did the time go. i tried to put a pic of her on here, but it didnt work. oh well

anyway, the other day we were chatting on aim, and she said the sweetest stuff to me. its probably what started me depression kick. now you have to know the shit weve been through. like i said before, i used to hate my sister when i was younger. it wasnt really about her, but i did just the same. i hated how fucking spoiled she was, and that most of the reasons i got beat all the time was bc of her. but i always loved her. she loved me so much back then. she would follow me around,come hang out in my room,all that stuff. she was so cute. but like i said i hated her kinda for all the bullshit. then as we got older, and i was a teen i was too busy for her. she still wanted to be with me, but id blow her off. i really was an asshole to her. poor bibs. then i got kicked out and had to live with my mom. and once that happened, i didnt see much of her. neither did my mom. my stepdad told the courts she was crazy and that was the end of child visits. i slowly started to not hate, but resent her again, bc my mom was such an asshole to me,but cried every day about not seeing my sis and bro. which is understandable. but i saw it as i was right there with her and she could have cared less. then i moved to florida. once i moved there, we wrote back and forth and i really missed her. i moved to pa a year after and it seemed like my sis was all growed up. it was amazing. she was so proud of being an aunt. shed ask for pics and show off my son.

now shes almost 16 and weve been through it all. my mom died and my stepdads an ass and wouldnt let me tell her. my sis knew something was up, so she asked her dad. and he told her. i should have been the one but whatever. after that she got really sad. she tried to kill herself last march. shes a lil bit better now. we talk all the time but shes got alot of attitude, so she gets on my nerves quickly. but i wouldnt trade her for anything. i love my bibsy. but shes kinda closed down. she doesnt really show alot of lovey feelings. shell say i love you and stuff, but you just always get the feeling that shes too busy for you.

back to the main point of the story, the other day she told me she had an assignment to do for class about her family. and about one magical person in her life. and guess who she chose as her magical person? me me me me!!! she says she admires me for all ive done in my life, and all the tasks ive overcome. i cried. it was the nicest thing shes said to me in a long time. it was the greatest day ever. i wish i could have squeezed her. im proud of my lil sis. she is the most beautiful girl. i wish she would come live with me. shes a pain in my ass, but id never change her...

i love her. shes the bestest sissy ever. i wish she had more faith in herself. shes so pretty, and shes an excellent poem writer, but she always looks down on herself. she could be a model. my man and all his friends think shes hot. but she feels ugly. its odd really. i wish i looked more like her.lol