feeling down

now let me say first off...if you are gonna be critical or lecture me....DO NOT READ THIS POST!!! bc i dont wanna hear it.

ok so yesterday was a rough "jims not here" kind of day. now i know i have my ups and downs. and some days it doesnt bother me bc i am in denial and pretend hes somewhere else not far away and dangerous. but some days i see something on tv and its all lovey and shit and im like waaaaaaaa.lol that was yesterday. i came home and no email. so i was sad bc in the one i got on sunday or monday or whatever day that was, he made it sound like id be hearing from him the next day. i havent heard from him since that last one. so i was really dissapointed when i came home and there was nothing. then i started missing him really bad. then i watched charmed and it was all lovey and then i was crying and it wouldnt stop.lol i tried to be happier today..and was good till i got home to another no email day.

he told me hes been either working sleeping or at the gym. is it so hard to not go to the gym for as long just to pop in and say hi im alive? sighhhh.

i miss my baby