lets clear the air..

now every now and then i have to explain things to people. and im not being bitchy, im just saying. i know how it looks when i talk about jim. it may seem like all we do is fight. but again you have to know that my side is all you hear. i dont ever really talk about all the good things that happen. i just bitch. which is basically why i have this journal. but you should all know that i love jim with every inch of me. i would NEVER leave jim. unless he hit me or cheated on me and i knew it was true. me and jim are perfect for each other. we are just about the same person. we do not ever fight. its more like i bitch and he answers. we've only ever had one real fight. so no more telling me not to wait for jim, or find a sex buddy kind of stuff bc it wont happen. i love jim and he loves me back. alot. this is the last time i will address this. i know this sounds bitchy..but it kinda brings me down a bit when people say negative things. especially when you dont really know the whole story. ya know? and also you have to think about the fact that he is in the middle of a war zone. if it were you, you wouldnt be all that pleasant either. like i said im not saying it to be bitchy..but you have to understand how it is to me. its not easy to wait so faithfully for someone you love when people are kinda like spreading negativity. not that it would ever make me not wait for him.

jim is my heart my world my life and soul. nothing really will change that. ill wait forever if i have to. bc he is that good to me. noone will ever love me like he does. and ill never love anybody but him!!

:edit: i decided to write more. im gonna try and stay up a little later bc for some odd reason i keep waking up at 1:15 am every damn night. and i dont wanna do this anymore.

so today i went to the gas station and saw this guy i used to date that is obsessed with me for some reason. i have been a real big bitch evertime i see him but he never gives up. i tired to go in without him seeing me but its like he has vanessa radar. so as im trying to sneak in the store and hes at the pump i hear...VANESSAAAAAA and im like fuck. i throw up an arm and run inside. this motherfucker is waiting for me in the damn parking lot. sighh. he asked if my man was home yet. i said nope. he said so what are you doing. i said going home and got in my car and left and hoped like hell he wouldnt follow me home. loser. got the puddy once..he sucked..i made him stop in the middle of it it was so bad..and i was on e!! and hes still obsessed. god..

in other things that irritated me today.. i talked to jims mom. sighh. this woman hates me. i dunno why. its not like it just occured..its like a forever thing. from the very beginning. i think she thinks jim will get over me. anyway, i had said something about me and jims anniversary coming and how weve been together for four years and how jim had made a joke saying seems like it was only 2. and how i said thats bc thats all youve been here for. and she said nothing but . mmmmm well.. wtf is that? can anyone else see how i am trying here?!!? she kills me. and i was thinking today, you know when jim finally comes home itll be time for all the summer holiday bbqs. his parents invited me to none of them this year. not one. now when he comes home ill be expected to attend them all. and i aint fucking going. and when jim says well what am i supposed to tell them..im gonna say i wasnt good enough last year...i aint fucking going. its weird bc they will make a big deal about me not going. like its a sign of disrespect..but its also a sign of disrespect to me that they didnt invite me this year. when he was gone the last time i was invited. i hate this family..sighhhh

thank you..lol

better post tomorrow. csi is coming on and i cant miss my man warrick.lol