hello boys and girls

i figured some of you may want to see what i look like. now this picture was taken back in april. before i lost my 30 lbs. im working on getting a new pic up on here so be patient.lol. anyway, im feeling a little bit better today. still kinda questioning jims love a bit but im done crying. i hate pms. lol.

today i think i may have killed my lungs. i used bleach in my toilet to try and get these blue stains off of it from those toilet cleaners that change the water pretty colors. well apparently i put too much in there. and then continued to inhale the fumes and my lungs feel like i smoked 45 packs of ciggies in one day. not good. anyway, so ive been cleaning all day, and the door bell rang. so i peek out the window and its some dude. so i was grrrr..but i opened the door anyway. now i have a winnie the pooh nightshirt on last nights makeup,which looked preety damn good for being slept in, and all my hair piled on top of my head. i open the door and the dudes like first may i tell you that you are a beautiful girl. and fake or not it made me smile. then he continued to flatter me for a minute.lol he was cute but no big deal. anyway, he was talking to me about magazines or some shit. and he had a black eye and said someone knocked him out for doing this job and i felt bad for him. now its like 96 fucking degrees out there and im sweating my ass off trying to hurry up and make him go away so i can go back inside. and hes talking about something and i said about jim being in iraq,and he goes well i guess you havent gotten laid lately. and i was like no i havent. and he goes....... well you know i can help you out with that. who does that? then continued on to tell me how pretty i am. i finally got rid of him. sighhh

i decided i had to leave the damn house last night. i was obsessing over the computer and checking my email like every 5 minutes waiting for an email that wasnt gonna come. so i went out all by myself. are you proud? i didnt have any fun but i did manage to leave the house for a few hours and get intoxicated. i then came home and passed out and had a bunch of weird dreams.lol

i miss my lover