dont worry itll get....worse

ive decided i am cursed with bad luck. bc as far back as i can remember i have never had a whole lot of good things happen to me. iknow alot of people say life is what you make it. thats only half true.bc tons of shit happens to me that i dont really cause.

so yesterday i was completely unmotivated. i was supposed to do all sorts of shit. but i didnt feel like it. i didnt actually get out of my bed until about 3pm to start the day.lol lazy!! anyway, jims mom called at that time asking if i had money for her. now ive been doing good with giving her money for being here. considering i get paid shit. my car insurance is a small fortune, my health insurance for me and austin is another small fortune and friggin gas is killing me. now there is school shopping to do. i am doing the best i can. ive been doing my mary poppins cleaning that she wants me to do. i have been mowing the fucking grass(well i was but i think i broke it bc i cant get the pully thing to pull. its jammed or something.) you know and im working on getting yet another job. so anyway, she calls and tells me its time to move out...again. are we gonna do this shit every two months? i really wish jim was here. she said she cant take all of this. having to do the bills and i dunno what else but im assuming you know worrying about jim and stuff. hellooo? if anyones got it bad its me. by the time im done im gonna have like 8 jobs, no man. ok i understand its her son but he my lover..you know. so im not saying im worse off about that then she is. but hey..im fucking sad too. i worry too. I LOVE HIM TOO!! im doing the best i can and shes just not trying to hear it.so.. i dunno. so after that fun chat where i was ready to cry,but im just tired of crying, i go downstairs and i go to feed the fishies. yea..thees one doing flips and shit in there. dammit i hate dead fish. and it wasnt just any fish. it was the fish i bought for jim before he left to go away last time. like right when we first got together.im sure it died of old age but..damn. i teared up. and then i was like.. ive fucking had it. tonight i will get trashed!!

so i dropped austin off at his sleepover party thing and i went out and i was fucking trashed. i got up on chairs and danced, i sang kareoke, i danced with people i dont know. and i drank like my dead fish.lol and it felt damn good!! i was pissed when it wqas 2am and time to close the bar. i ran into one of jims friends there and he started talking about jim being in iraq and i was dude..i came here to forget..sshhhhhh. and i walked away.lol then i went to wawa to get some sober up food so i could drive home. and ran into these other people that i dont like. so as i was ignoring them randi got up and started writing her name on windows on the building. sounds so immature but it was fun.my name was on every window.lol. then i drove my ass home and poured myself into bed at about 3am. lots of fun.lol

still no word from my love. i hope hes ok.

and whats with this spam comments bullshit?