update

ok so alot has happened since the last post..well not really but we will go with that.haha.

i am calmer..for now. we will se what happens. on friday i started the cleaning mission. trying to be mary poppins and shit. it took me friday sat sun and monday to get it all spic and span like. fucking bullshit i tell you. i really hate that damn woman. anyway, i waited all damn weekend to hear from jim. but nothing till sunday night. butttt before i talked to him guess who stopped by...you will never guess. thats right jims mom. she said she was on her way home from walmart which is nowhere near here. but whatever. i was cleaning in my room when i heard austin yell up the stairs..mommmmyyyyy the person you dont like is here. and because i didnt think i heard him right i asked what he said. and he said it again. i ran to the window and sure enough her car was in the driveway. and so i yelled at him real quick..wel lnot yelled..bc it was funny..but i asked him if she was in the house and he said no he left her outside. lmmfao. so i let her in and she started first thing with the cleaning bullshit. this bitch is killing me. so i said does it look like it? and she examined and she was like yea. and i was like yea i did it. and so then she surveyed the downstairs bc i wasnt done with the upstairs yet. so she walks over to the sliding door and looks at me like she is gonna catch me in something. and moves the curtains aside and looks in the track and acts like she is gonna die of shock bc i cleaned it out. which pissed me off. whatever..bitch. anyway..later that night i talked to jim. he didnt read my email so i told him all about it. he said he would talk to her, he didnt know what her problem was..that they had actually had this conversation a few times..and warned me it was gonna get bad once he said something. i told him i knew that already..and then we stopped talking about her and had a great talk. god i love him.


not much else going on here really. my kid is demon spawn...grrrr.last week he told me he had no homework all week. and that happens sopmetimes so i thought nothing of it. then i get the homework folder this week and there was all kinds of fucking homework. so he failed all those tests. ANDDDDDD apparently he yelled at the teacher which is a no no in school. sighhhh. my friend melissa from jersey is coming this weekend with her month old baby. i am soooooooooooo excited. she is my bff i have known her for 15 years. this is the one that divorced me for a little while last year. so i am excited. and thats about it.

i know how you all love seeing pics of me..and i love taking them..lol so here is a new one.



i chose this pic bc my eyes look pretty. adn they are my best feature...soooo yea. the rest of the pic sucks. well except my hair but you cant really see that. ok here is a question for you..what color would you say my eyes are?

let the war begin

ok some of you may get mad about this..but im past the point of caring really. not to sound bitchy..but you know how i am. anyway, i got an email from jim today. and dammit i wasnt sitting on the comp at the exact moment he came on...of course..anyway, apparently he is on a small vacation..so what better time to tell him then when he isnt in combat. i told him of his moms bullshit. and how it needs to stop. im not asking him to choose between us, but if he does expect me to be here for him when he gets back..that bitch needs to get off my ass. and then i proceeded to tell him all of what she said. hopefully he will listen this time and help me out. bc i am about done with all this bullshit. if i get thrown out of this house...and he allows it..thats it im done. i will move to jersey and i wont fucking look back..here is an exerpt of what i wrote:

booboo,

i miss you so much. i have needed to talk to you for awhile but i never am able to catch you anymore. everything seems to be going wrong and i feel like i am falling apart here. im glad to hear from you and im glad that i know you are ok. what happened to your computer now? you seem to have some issues with that thing. anyway, im typing this to you now so that when you do come back on you can read it and myabe help me out here. i know there is only so much you can do while you are there but jim i am at my wits end with this bullshit. your mom i beleive is really trying to get rid of me before you get home. i know that she hates me and she wants me gone and the more she does this shit the more i realize it. i am trying so hard to be strong here bc i love you so fucking much. and thats why i just cant understand why she does this shit. she knows how much i love you and how much you love me and you would think that would be enough. but i dont think she cares. anyway here is what happened. 2 weeks ago she called me up and told me that i have 2 weeks to do all this shit or she is throwing me out again. im really getting tired of being threatened to be kicked out every 3 damn months. there is always some stupid excuse behind it. and im really trying to keep my cool with her bc you know shes your mom and all but i dont know how much longer i can do it jim. she said i am taking advantage of the house and letting it go to shit. i dont know what the fuck shes talking about. she said i need to hire someone to come in here and clean it..wait..she said disinfect it from top to bottom. all of this bc there is dust on the baseboards. and there was a little juice spill in the refrigerator. then she went on to say i need to have the walls painted bc of all the scuff marks and shit on them which i had to inform her that they have been here since before you left. then she said i need to hire someone to come in here and shampoo the rugs bc of all the stains. the only stains that have anything to do with me are the juice ones in austins room. the rest are all from your drunken friends...you know the ones by the glass table and stuff. what i dont understand is she is so pissed off about all these things that you already knew about,but she is holding them against me. and if i dont do it she is gonna throw me out. but when you come home everything here is gonna be exactly the same as it is now. i just dont understand why she is trying to push me away and get me out of here. isnt it enough that we love each other? i just cant take it anymore jim. i know you said i should go and leave till you come home..but its too close to you coming home nopw and i dont wanna leave. i want her to stop coming in here and doing all this jim before she really does push me away. she is making me fucking crazy and i know its all bc she is stressed over you. but she needs to understand i am stressed over you and i love you too. please jim please fix all of this bc i cant take it anymore. i really cant. i love you with all my fucking heart and i always will,but i cannot take this bullshit from her anymore. im sorry that i have to tell you all this bullshit..but i dont know what else to do anymore. i have been trying to keep the drama between her and i from you. but i just cant anymore. she even went out of her way to say to me.."and dont go running your mouth to jim about this either". i really i am like her punching bag for when she gets upset with you. i dont know. im not trying to bad mouth her jim..but if you love me...and you want me to be here forever..you need to make her back off of me. before i lose it.


i think that was a nice version..dont you?

big fucking sigh

and this is what i call my life...life sucks i have decided. i am in a big slump. yesterday was spent with yet another fun day at work..to come home and cry for most of the night. yay..then when i finally stopped crying bc i iss my man and i havent talked to him in two weeks....the phone rings. two guesses as to who it was. actually i will give you one. yup..it was the cunt bitch from hell. im really getting fucking tired of her. i can tell that i am on edge. and i can tell im gonna fucking snap any day now. anyyyyy dayyyyyyy. i really do feel sorry for whoever it happens to. actually i dont.bc chances are they will deserve it. maybe not all of what they will get..unless its my boss or the bitch. anyway..so she calls me to see if i heard from jim. i say no. awkward silence.....................then i say i saw him on the computer on valentines day. she says that wasnt him. i say yes it was bc he sent me a message. awkward silence.............then she goes did you find someone to come and clean yet? i say yes..they will be here on saturday. she says well you need to price them first. i proceed to tell her i found someone..again..and that its someone i know that does it as a job. she asks how much does she want. i say i dunno. she then lectures me about it and tells me how she found someone to do it as well. i AGAIN tell her that i already have it taken care of. awkward silence.................then she tells me how jims credit card bill has come in and that he hasnt bought anything in the last month and how this is odd and he must be out doing field work blah blah blah. i say i dunno..i have seen him on the computer a few times in the last month. awkward silence...and then ok well bye sue. and i hang up. she really makes my blood fucking boil.

today i wake up with puffy eyes and feeling miserable. i dont wanna talk to anyopne really..bc like i said..i know its gonna get ugly soon. i wake up austin and then come in here on the computer. as i am in here..my son says...what is this red stuff all over the floor? i get up and go look and there is puke..red puke..everywhere. fanfuckingtastic. poor kid is getting ready to cry and asks me if i am mad at him. i say im not mad that you got sick..you cant help it..but couldnt you have made it to the bathroom..or the trash can...somewhere besides the carpet. and then i have a big sigh. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and call my job to tell them i will not be at work. thinking well im probably gonna get fired.which would just make this fucking month better then it already is. and then proceed to take off all the blankets and stuffed animals and all the other shit he threw up on. gagging the whole time bc there is chunks and it fucking smells. i had to kick him out bc the smell was making him gag too,and i know that if i have to clean up fresh stuff instead of the hard stuff that is there now..i wont make it. so i am now on load 3 of the smelly icky vomit sheets. austin is downstairs playing playstation. my arms are burning from all the scrubbing i have done..im not done scrubbing yet..but my arms feel like they are gonna fall off so i took a break. i called bossman to ask if i am fired and he says i thought you said your kid was sick. i said he is..im scrubbing puke from my carpet as we speak. but you said that if i missed anymore days in the next 30 days we were gonna have issues. but i promise this is real..you can come visit if you want. im always a smart ass it seems..even when i know better..but like i said..im on the edge.

amd at 8:26 am that is my day so far. i decided i hate my life and that it sucks.

a Baltimore kind of day

well yesteray we went to baltimore to the aquarium...a fun day with the kids.... the kids are lucky they made it home alive...damn brats. it was a god awful time. lol..my kid was pretty good. we had a few moments where i was ready to beat him,but overall he was good. randis kid...i was ready to strangle her.im serious..all she did was whine and bitch and cry the whole fucking day. from 8 30 am allllll the way till 3 30pm when we got home. good god. next time i will leave her home.

i took a ton of pics which i will post in a second..valentines day sucked ass. actually the whole damn week did. i got yelled at by the boss the whole 3 days that i worked this week. and i can tell i am on the edge bc i cussed his dumb ass out. fucker. i bout had it with him. then on valentines day i went to work..sad...and all the ladies at work got flowers sent in from their hubbies....and i just kinda sulked. went to cvs at lunch and got me a supersized box of chocolates. then i came home and there was no mail for me...sigh...then i come in here and get on the computer..and dont you know that in the 5 days i was off..jim wasnt on the computer once..and the one day i go he comes on. he said happy valentines day and he loves me forever and ever and then i cried for an hour and then proceeded to eat alot of chocolate.

anyway, yea so yesterday was the aquarium..i love going to there. its so pretty. i love the fishies. unfortunately im not sure of how to completely use my camera so i messed with buttons and lost some good shots bc i cant leave well enough alone.haha. oh and i decided i want to be a dolphin trainer.lol..heres some pics




everyone was still pleasant att his point..thats austin and jessa



the damn bridges







randi and the kids..those things have bubbles in them..but of course they didnt show up







hehe a little seahorse..i want one



there were actually 3 of these in the tank but they all blended in so you couldnt see them


lol that would be my child



i love frogs and i thought it was really cool that this one was blue





lol it looks like hes smiling







espn zone..didnt come out too good though



i think this is a naval base or something..but it was neat looking.

snow dayy!!!

lol those are just a couple pics of the snow. good god it snowed its ass off the other day. today my body is very sore from all the damn shoveling i had to do. i had to do extra shoveling bc these bastards in the area park at the bottom of my damn driveway forcing the plow to go around and in the end dumping all the shit at the bottom of the driveway. this means that i then have to shovel all the way into the street. fuckers. anyway, im starting to get bored. i have been home since weds night of last week. im tired of being home. but austin has off of school..so here i am again. lol and then i have off on friday for out field trip to the baltimore aquarium..yayyyy im so excited.

in other news, jims mom called here on saturday night. and ACTED LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED AT ALL!!! can you beleive this bitch. she was all nice and sweet and all like we were bestest friends. i dont know if she really thinks it was no big deal to tell me she was gonna try and throw me out again or what...but i hold grudges...i dont beleive her fake shit. now my point is..all the things she is bitching about..are no different then when jim was here before..or how they will be when he comes home again. so im not sure what she thinks she is accomplishing by throwing me out every 3 months. once jim finds out he is gonna flip. and whats the point of kicking me out anyway? jim will be home in a few months and i will be right back here doing the same cleaning as i did before...moron..

anyway, in other news...i had the weirdest thing happen the other day. i dont know how you all think about ghosts and stuff of that sort,but the other day i was slightly intoxicated laying in bed trying to fall asleep..when i heard my name. not quite like someone whispered in my ear...but i could just hear it really loud echoing in my head. it was very strange. it scared the crap out of me actually.lol weird.

hmm i think thats it...



thats my goofy child and his best friend jessa(randis kid)

and i leave you with a kissy...lol i love this camera

and the bullshit goes on

now you know it wasnt gonna be too much longer before i did a post with alot of bitching.lol. and you also know its been awhile since i have bitched about jims mom. but then you also have been here long enough to know that she is about due in trying to throw me out of the house...again. sighhhhhh...god i hate that bitch.


yea so yesterday i was just vegging in my bed..slightly intoxicated bc i didnt work today...and the phone rings. its jims mom. so already i get a bitter twinge in me. but i am gonna try to not let her taint me with her negativity. so she asks me if i got my taxes done. i say yes...and then she just starts to straight up bitch for 15 minutes. and i was fuming. now being i was intoxicated i was getting smart with her..bc i tend to not be able to control my anger as well then. she was bitching about all this stuff thats wrong with the house, the carpets need shampooing and how extremely disgusting my house is. now i dont like to clean..but my house is not disgusting...its not mary poppins perfect but its clean. she was saying the walls need painted and how im letting the house go to shit blah blah blah. ok..the walls are all scuffed up bc of jim and his drunken friends. the carpets are stained bc of jim and his drunken friends..all stuff that happened way before he left. so i started bitching..saying she cant put that shit on me bc i didnt fucking do that. then she said i need to have the house disinfected from top to bottom and the rugs shampooed by the 1st of march or im out. and i best not run my mouth to jim.

im getting really fucking tired of her shit. REALLY FUCKING TIRED OF IT!!!!... ok bc does she think the house would be any different if jim was here? fuck no..itd be worse. way fucking worse. and if she thinks im gonna listen to her threats shes fucking crazy. i dont owe that bitch anything. fucking cunt.


god i hate this family..i wish jim was home already. i cant promise i wont fucking kill her ass soon

i got a digi cam finally..thought i would post this pic

another year, another tax return

so yea..i am still bitter about the dad and his fucked up bullshit...but i will get over it soon i suppose.

not much else going on. i had my year review at work the other day. and it was the biggest bunch of bullshit i have ever heard. i got a 27cent raise..and i was supposed to be happy about this bc it was a 3% raise instead of the 2% one that was the cost of living raise.yippee..was i supposed to jump for joy? then he told me i do excellent work but im not a team player. its a damn good thing i had my happy drugs in me..or it wouldve been ugly. are you fucking kidding me? im not a team plaer? i work with the most miserable bitch in the world every single day and i havent quit yet..if that isnt a team fucking player. then he said that i dont work well with others. i told him everyone here loves me. i am friendly with everyone here and everyone goes out of there way to talk to me...how do i not work well with others. and then he was like well you are always on me and arguing blah blah blah....i was like so bc i try to joke with you like everyone else does and i dont kiss your ass and tell you how i really feel..that makes me not work well with others? he didnt really like that much..but i dont fucking care. then he pointed out the team sign..the one that says together everyone achieves more...and said something about it. i said that sign is a fucking joke!!! there is no team out there...so i was pissed. then i told him i want out of the dept i am ion. he tried to feed me bullshit about how i was good at what im doing now. i told him i can be good at anything. i can learn fast and excel at whatever i do. i always have. then he tried to pull the im a girl card. now you all know im a bitch. so you know what happened. he was like oh what you think you can go and work in the mat dept and i was like hell yea i can. he was like yea oh right..vanessa those mats are 60lbs each. i looked him dead in his eye and said..so? what you think bc i am a girl i cant lift 60lbs? my child ways 60lbs and i can pick him up and fling him around like it was nothing. then he got all mad and started bitching bc i was bitching asking why i was fighting with him. and i told him bc this review is bullshit. i couldnt stop cursing at him.lol.shocker..i know.

then he told me i could do better at my job. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? you cant get much better at what i do. not to be all conceited sounding but you cant. i kick ass...and im not a robot..i cant push myself any harder then what i do now..i know bc i have tried already..so whatever...i hate my job.


yesterday i got my taxes done..and for all my old friends..you know this means lots and lots of shopping. and you know how much shopping makes me happy. yayyyyy. i got $4400 back. i cant wait to spend some. my friend benito from jersey is coming down for the weekend. there is talk of going clubbing. im super excited..i really need a night out.

hope you all are good