my goofball

i made jim send me more pics




god hes so beautiful i miss him



lmao..dumbass.

i dont know why these are so friggin huge.

god i love him so much

JeRzEeGrLiNmD: what do you hate most about being there?
jiminiraq2005: being away form you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: good answer
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but is that truly what you hate most?
jiminiraq2005: i dont knwo
jiminiraq2005: tahts about it
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: really?
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you really miss me that much?
jiminiraq2005: you are the only thing i have to miss


i didnt get to talk to him as much as i wouldve liked. but i have to say for the most part our chats were nice. god i miss him so much. i wish he was here now. i need someone to hold me

im soooo bored!!!!

the bad thing of having 4 days off of work is i get so damn bored!!!! like there is a million things i could do, but i dont want to do those things.lol like clean and laundry and crap. but that sucks.lol i wanna do something fun. i wish jim was here. i could go for a 4day romp. sighh

speaking of jim i havent heard from him in awhile. :( not since weds. its now saturday. boooooo. i hope he's ok.

nothing much else going on. i didnt really do a whole lot of interesting things to write about.....so im gonna see what i can dig up from me and jim talks...


JeRzEeGrLiNmD: so how are you?
jiminiraq2005: much better now taht i am talk ing to you


JeRzEeGrLiNmD: wish you couldve been here
jiminiraq2005: me too
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: we couldve had a nice day
jiminiraq2005: evry day with you is nicew
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: awww
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i love you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you dont have to lie
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lol
jiminiraq2005: im not lying
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i know life with me is not all peaches and cream
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but i love that you say it is
jiminiraq2005: who said it was peaches and cream i dont like pwaches or cream anyway
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you said every day with me is nice
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i know its not
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im like the devil sometimes
jiminiraq2005: ok
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: say im not
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: anyway
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: can you beleive its been 4 years
jiminiraq2005: your mnot
jiminiraq2005: no
jiminiraq2005: i canst
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: its been fun huh?
jiminiraq2005: can you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: no
jiminiraq2005: i love you
jiminiraq2005: happy day
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i love you forever and ever
jiminiraq2005: i dont know how to spell annversy
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lol
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: its ok i know what you mean
jiminiraq2005: i love you eever
jiminiraq2005: tahts why i just say happy day
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: not looking at the keys huh?
jiminiraq2005: esy words
jiminiraq2005: im looking
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: baby did you ever think we would make it this far?
jiminiraq2005: i told you years ago that we would be together for ever love
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you really beleive we will be?
jiminiraq2005: why would i say it

ok thats it for now

ok im back

i wasn;t gone too long. lol..im still way stressed..but i can write now. i still cant tell you what set me off. im not allowed. it has to do with jim..but its like top secret shit apparently. and i dont wanna talk about it. i want to pretend it never happened. ok? so dont ask.

but besides that me and jim fought all night along with the secret stuff. it was an awful day..i cried all night long and the next day too. it was awful. im feeling better..although i wish he was here next to me right now instead of me sitting here for the third day making him the 27th cd. im tired of making these damn things. but whatever keeps him happy. i did read on the yahoo news that they will most likely start pulling troops out after the elections. i asked jim if he'd heard anything about it and he said something about may. so that made me happy. it seems like we fight alot when he is away. and i think thats bc we cant seem to understand each others situations. i have been trying really hard not to fight with him..but it doesnt always work. sighh. this happened when he was gone last time. im a mess without him. and i am selfish too. i will admit it. but what can you do. everyone please pray for my lover to come home soon before i have a real breakdown. oh and that he makes it here safely and stuff!!


have a happy turkey day everyone!

and then it all fell apart......

i dont feel like blogging..for awhile.

everything has turned to shit. i dont want to talk about it

good god!!

yea ok so first off i would like to say that i forgot to say happy anniversary to my blog. it has been a year. some of you have been with me for awhile. some of you are new. i love all of you!!!!!!! ok

yea so..all of you who were worried about my new drinking habbit...lol..well..last night was a rough nite. i would have to say i dont remember much of it at all. past like 7pm. very intoxicated. i spent alot of time throwing up and at one point there was blood in it. so yea...no more drinking for this weekend. i woke up severely bruised and my stomach muscles are killing me from i guess throwing up so much. not to mention all the bruises i have aquired. but i know the part i do remember of last night...was alot of fun!! me and randi took alot of fun pictures for jims birthday which is next month. i was a scantily clad army chick. i love the boots. lmao. they should be hot!!

today i feel god awful. my whole friggin body hurts, i feel sick, i think i may still be drunk if thats at all possible. and im hoping for jim to hurry up and get on the comp so i can go back to sleep.

just a few more days till turkey day!!woohooooooo

happy anniversary to us

today is me and jims 4 year anniversary. and i havent heard from him in days. i wonder if he even knows its our anniversary. sigh

so here is our special song....

When you feel it in your body
You found somebody who makes you change your ways
Like hanging with your crew
Said you act like you're ready
But you don't really know
And everything in your past - you wanna let it go

I've been there, done it, fucked around
After all that - this is what I found
Nobody wants to be alone
If you're touched by the words in this song
Then baby...

U got, u got it bad
When you're on the phone
Hang up and you call right back
U got, u got it bad
If you miss a day without your friend
Your whole life's off track
You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house
You don't wanna have fun
It's all you think about
U got it bad when you're out with someone
But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else
U got it bad

When you say that you love 'em
And you really know
Everything that used to matter, don't matter no more
Like my money, all my cars
(You can have it all back)
Flowers, cards and candy
(I do it just cause I'm...)
Said I'm fortunate to have you girl
I want you to know
I really adore you
All my people who know what's going on
Look at your mate, help me sing my song
Tell her I'm your man, you're my girl
I'm gonna tell it to the whole wide world
Ladies say I'm your girl, you're my man
Promise to love you the best I can

See I've been there, done it, fucked around
After all that - this is what I found
Everyone of y'all are just like me
It's too bad that you can't see
That you got it bad...hey

U got, u got it bad
When you're on the phone
Hang up and you call right back
U got, u got it bad
If you miss a day without your friend
Your whole life's off track
You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house
You don't wanna have fun
It's all you think about
U got it bad when you're out with someone
But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else
U got it bad


some people say that it isnt a good song to have as "your" song. but those poeple just dont understand it.


i love you jim...for life 11/16/01- forever

yadda yadda yadda

not too much more to report. the weekend is a blur. i drank ashit load of vodka and got extremely trashed. i know some of you are worried about my alcohol content..but dont. i am ok. just having fun. i dont remember the ends of both saturday and friday. but i had a great time. i made my basement into a small club.lmao. we danced our asses off. very good workout.

talked to jim a few times. no sweet stuff to report. mostly dirtiness. which im sure most of you dont care to see anyway.

i made my boss feel really bad and now he will be buying me a turkey on friday!! yayyyy!! its a plus when you are a girl who can cry fake alligator tears. only fake bc i am full of happy drugs. i started taking prozac so i can be a happy vanessa. so in order to cry i had to give myself a pinch.lol otherwise i can cry on cue. lol

and thats all the news

got drunk....like alot

just bc it seems appropriate..i have copied the lyrics to this song.

I walked in the band just stunk
The singer couldn't carry a tune in a bucket
Was on a mission to drown her memory but
I thought no way with all this raucous

But after one round with Jose Cuervo
I caught my boots tapping long with the beat
And after two rounds with Jose Cuervo
That band was sounding pretty darn good to me

Then some stranger asked me to dance
And I revealed to her my two left feet
Said don't get me wrong I'm glad you asked
But tonight's about me and an old memory

Then after three rounds with Jose Cuervo
I let her lead me out on the floor
And after four rounds with Jose Cuervo
I was showing off moves never seen before

Well around five or round six
I forgot what I came to forget
And after round seven or was it eight
I bought a round for the whole damn place

And after nine rounds with Jose Cuervo
They were countin' me out I was about to give in
And after ten rounds with Jose Cuervo
I lost count and started counting again

One round with Jose Cuervo
Two rounds with Jose Cuervo
Three rounds with Jose Cuervo


lmao. now stick smirnoff orange vodka in there...and that was me last night. good god do i feel rough. i cant remember the end of the night at all. not what time randi and her man left here. not what i watched on tv. not what time i went to bed. nothing. nothing at all. except drinking a helluva lot. me randi and her man friend went through a bottle and half of vodka. good god. and we will do it again tonight!!

damn it all to hell

yea so you know it couldnt be all cotton candy and flowers forever. bc thats not the way my life works.

so i was having a lovely day. then 10:20 came. now last month at work they made us bust our asses to get all this shit done. kept saying if we hit this mark we will get a $200 bonus. we hit the mark. so i asked bossman when are we getting the bonus. he said this week or last week. so i have been counting on that money for awhile4. i was gonna get austin an early bday present. and i was gonna get jim presents. and i was gonna get all my thanksgiving day stuff with it too.

well today was the second week of when " we would get our bonus checks". no check. i questioned it. bossman was an asshole filled with sarcasm. and yea we arent getting that bonus till january. no turkey day for me. i was so pissed. i flipped out on him. i had to go to the bathroom or i was gonna get fired. so now all my plans are ruined for turkey day. i dont have any extra money for it. sighhh

life sucks

if jim was here everything would be great.

blah blah sleepy blah blah

not a whole lot to report really. randi has undumped me. she had her mental breakdown and i told her how she sucked. but in alot more words. haha..you know how i do. so thats all better. although she has met a guy..so she may not be around too long. whatever i dont care.

i have been under attack with the spiders. i was attacked 2 more times over the weekend..and yesterday. well not really attacked..but close enough. i think i may have pissed off the spider gods..bastards things

i am extremely exhausted. i have been getting up every night at like 11:20pm after going to bed at 9 pr 10 top get up and talk to jim on the copmputer. i guess i cant complain bc i dont HAVE to get up. i do it so we can talk during the week. this is a new thing. but anyway i get up at 11 and stay up till 2am. then go to sleep and get up at 5:50am. which is killing me. i need alot of sleep to function at work. im not functioning well. i cant wait till he changes shifts again. no good conversations to report. well one but you have to go to the dirty blog to read it.

so yea, im tired and my body hurts. alot. i could use a good massage..head to toe.

and yea..thats it. sorry im so dull. but you know..thats how it goes here in the country. lol

a little bit blah

yea so nothing is going on around here. i am sitting here right now hoping jim comes on here soon. bc i got wayyyy intoxicated last night while cleaning the basement..and passed out like 10 minutes before he got on the comp. i know it sucks. so i am hoping that he is coming on here soon bc i am getting tired of sitting at this damn computer. i have decided to clean the hell out of the house. keeps me busy. i have thrown out a ton of shit.lol mostly jims stuff..hehehe..but its all shit thats just junk. nothing he will be too upset about.

and thats life. sorry i dont have much else to say

a happy post for once

so right this very second i am talking to jim. and have been for the last 3 hours and 10 minutes. i am a happy camper. yayyyy


first off let me just start by telling you...a very large yucky spider just crawled over my face.ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww i hate spiders. like alot. all sizes..all kinds. yucky. i about flipped a shit when i saw it was a spder. needless to say it is dead now.

ok i think my last real post was a drunken one that noone read.lol..so lets see that was friday night. saturday i told austin we would have a movie night. wed pick a bunch of our old movies, get alot of junk food and watch movies all day. and dont you know we went and got all the junk..set up the room so he could eat out by the tv too, and the fucking dvd player wouldnt open? poor kid. he was sad. but luckily monsters inc was on that night so we watched that. then me and randi had a fight and she dumped me. said i was "rubbing off on her". that i was miserable all the time and negative. and bitchy. bitchy i will claim. but negative and miserable? no. i admit i get sadlike when i dont hear from jim. but i am not negative and miserable. SHE is. shes always saying life sucks. and that me and jim will never make it. and jim loves army more than me, and men are pigs. and jims fucking a girl in iraq, and her back hurts all the time, and shes tired of the guy living with her..and blah blah blah. i am happy 95% of the time. its her thats all the other stuff. well anyway, she dumped me. so i am friendless here. im over it. shes dumb, whatever

sunday i did nothing. jims parents came here and it was relatively painless. no fights or smartass comments. oh and guess what?!?!?!?!

IM GOING HOME FOR XMAS!!! YAYYYYYYYY!!!!

me and my bibsy planned it out carefully and i will be home for the holidays. im so fucking happy!! yayy

and for a sweet lovey jim and vanessa moment....:

JeRzEeGrLiNmD: baby i really dont wanna be surprized
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i want you to tell me when you are coming home
jiminiraq2005: why
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: so i can be there to get you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: why do you wanna surprize me so much? you didnt like it last time
jiminiraq2005: its fun
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: why is it fun?
jiminiraq2005: dont know
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i dont wanna surprize
jiminiraq2005: itas fun
jiminiraq2005: you like it
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: not these days baby
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i am unamused
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i want to be there the second you can go home
jiminiraq2005: when tis is over ill be home for good
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: yea right
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: maybe for a year if im lucky
jiminiraq2005: why do you say that
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: bc even when you come home you arent truly done with the army
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: they can make you go back again
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and you may re-enlist
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ??????
jiminiraq2005: why do you say that
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: what that you may re-enlist
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: bc i really beleive you will
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you love army whether you wanna tell me or not
jiminiraq2005: why'JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you made that clear when you were here on break
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i dunno why you love it
jiminiraq2005: me either
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and even the last time we talked you got upset bc you thought i was making you choose
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: so if it seems you have to "choose" which you love more and you dont like that thought...then obviously you love it
jiminiraq2005: i dont know
jiminiraq2005: i really dont like it now
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: well i hope you dont..then maybe we can actually be TOGETHER forever
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i hate being away from you. i dont want to make you choose..but i cant do this any more..and i wont
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i cant be alone like this..it makes me crazy
jiminiraq2005: im sorry
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: dont be sorry baby
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: its not your fault
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: its like you said.. i knew you were in the army when we got together
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im sorry im not a stronger girl baby
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: id like to be..but im not
jiminiraq2005: i love you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: even though im weak?
jiminiraq2005: yea
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i got a question
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: if you could change stuff about me would?
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you?
jiminiraq2005: never thought about that before

and then....

JeRzEeGrLiNmD: did you read my other emails?
jiminiraq2005: ok
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: like the one about turkey day and stuff?
jiminiraq2005: yea wish i could be there
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lol to watch me fuck up the turkey?
jiminiraq2005: to eat the first turkey you ever cooked
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: awww baby that was sweet
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i kinda feel like crying
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you know
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: even though you are there and its shitty for you..and i hate being alone..
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: us being apart..it makes you kinda romantic like
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i like it
jiminiraq2005: sorry
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: why are you sorry?
jiminiraq2005: messing with you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: messing with me by saying sorry? or messing with me like you arent romantic you are just pretending to be?
jiminiraq2005: saying sorry
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ok good
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: bc i was gonna be pissed if you said the other thing
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: haha

and now a little smart ass
jiminiraq2005: its cold as hell righ tnow
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: really?
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: its actually kinda warm here
jiminiraq2005: its like 65
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: yea about that here too
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but compared to what it was its warm
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lol you wanna talk about the weather?
jiminiraq2005: i was just making small talk
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ok good job
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: now make big talk
jiminiraq2005: ITS LIKE 65 HERE COLD AS HELL
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lmmfao
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: smart ass
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you know what i meant
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: talk to me about something i care about
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i dont care about the weather
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: such a ounk
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: oops i mean punk
jiminiraq2005: im healthy
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: thats good
jiminiraq2005: my pubs are long as hell
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ewwww
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lmao

hahaha. so i am in a good mood. life is good

oh yea. i forgot. i opened up a myspace account. and i found all kinds of kids from high school. that made my day too!@