no time...

i dont have time to write a real post. ill explain tomorrow. heres a song i like. no meaning to me really. but here goes

"True"

I wont talkI wont breathe
I wont move till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think I dont look
But deep inside
In the corner of my min
Im attached to you

Im weak
Its true
Cuz im afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cuz my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You dont know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
Im afraid to move
Im weak
Its true
Im just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know u met me?

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

I know when I go ill be on my way to you
The way thats true
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

if you are reading this...

if you are reading this,it means i finally got through!!yayyy!! not that i have anything for ya but another mushy song.lmao. i know i know,youve been all waiting for some crazy jerzeegrl bitch fest,but im tired of bitching. today anyway!!

so heres my mush!!lol

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I'd wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too

Cuz I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room, Dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you even see me
And I wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes
Would you see what's inside?
Would you even care?
I just wanna hold you close
But so far, all I have are dreams of you
So, I wait for the day and the courage to say
How much I love you(Yes, I do)

I'll be dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room, Dreaming about you and me
Ahhh...I can't stop dreaming of you
Ahhh...I can't stop dreamin

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe that you came up to me
And said, "I love you; I love you too"

Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
Till tomorrow, and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room, Dreaming with you endlessly...

i love this song. ahvent heard it in awhile

damn shit!!

just wanted to let you know, that i dunno how much ill be posting. blogger is the damn devil and wont let me post. so ill keep trying.lol

easter sucked...alot!

hello everyone. hope all of your easters went well. mine sucked ass.lol first of all i cried myself to sleep on saturday night. so you know when you cry,and then sleep you wake up all puffy?and your eyes dont wanna open? yea well that was how i woke up. but i had to get up cuz i knew austin was up and wanted to go see his basket. so i got up. then i started calling jim to see if he was up yet, cuz he got easter off. i called all damn morning. and nothing. so i was irritated,cuz he doesnt get a free day normally and this was our chance to be all mushy all day long.

finally around 11-12 i dont remember cuz i was half asleep,bc it was such a crappy rainy day, he called. and we said hi and then it went all to shit from there. we faught all damn day long. now i am a very sensitive person,as you all know. i make things to be more than thay are,so jim says. well he asked what i did the night before,and i told him about josh coming over. blah blah blah. now he knows that im trying to hook him up with randi. and hes gonna ask me if me and josh made out. are you fucking kidding me? i said how are you even gonna ask. he said why wont you answer. i said no jim i didnt make out with josh. and he said ok. and for him that was it. not for this chick it wasnt. that shit pissed me off.bc right there thats saying he doesnt trust me. hes got no reason not to. i asked him if he trusted me and he said he trusted me to tell him if i did something wrong. i said but do you trust me. he says i just said i did. and i said no, you said you trust me to tell you if i screw around. not that you trust me not to. and he was like it was just a question vanessa. and from there out,it was one thing after another. i cried just about all day,he got pissed. you know the normal easter fun.lol

but in the end..it was all fine. kinda ruined easter,but hey.lol anyway, so later on josh and randi came over and they chit chatted for a bit. made a date for this weekend coming up and then they all left me to my queer show charmed. after jim called and we talked about old times and ended the conversation very happily and lovey.

last night,i had the worst damn dream ever. it was about when i was little,and my stepdad used to beat the hell out of my mom. long story short, i was more aware of what was happening then i was when it all happened in real life. and i kept trying to call 911,so i could spare her the bad beating. but when i used the phone it didnt work. i tried over and over and over and finally i got it to work. so i called 911 and it was a wrong number. like they changed 911 to something else. so then on my cell phone i sent a text message to 911.bc for some reason i knew that would work. but it wouldnt go through. my mom was hiding all huddled up with me as i struggled to get ahold of the cops. then we heard footsteps and the sound of his voice yelling crazily....

and then i woke up. i hate how when jims not with me all my dreams are bad. i dunno why though,but its very unsettling.

this shit bothers me...

seems like every time jim goes away i meet a really nice sweet hot guy. and every time i meet that nice sweet hot guy, i have a friend trying topush me into screwing them. for lack of a less vulgar word.lolthis bothers me. i kept trying to tell her i love jim. i only wanna be with jim, i only wanna kiss him and be dirty with him. why is that so hard to understand? why does she make me feel like i am the one thats wrong.i think i may cry. heres the conversation. i am the jerzeegrl

Chatty chatam: YOu are HUMAN!!!!
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but i LOVE jim
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: now rebecca
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: dont try to make me a bad girl
Chatty chatam: Youre gonna do something that you wont ever regret
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: no i will regret it
Chatty chatam: Hey you only live once!!!!!!!!
Chatty chatam: Why!
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: bc i love jim
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i dont ever wanna mess with someone else
Chatty chatam: There is not just one for everybody hell i been in love 5 times!!!!!!!JeRzEeGrLiNmD: yea, i loved jeff too.but not like i love jim. i dont wanna be with anybody else
Chatty chatam: And still am looking
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: yea josh is hot, and he seems like the perfect guy, but i love jim, i only wanna be with jim
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: noone else will do
Chatty chatam: Well then stay lonely!!!!!
Chatty chatam: Hey you onley live once!!!!
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i will but with a nice friend
Chatty chatam: Take care of no 1!!!!!!!!!
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lol your funny
Chatty chatam: Whats he doing out there?
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: who?
Chatty chatam: JIM??????????
Chatty chatam: IM sure he gets out and about he his a man!!!!!
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: nooo noo he doesnt
Chatty chatam: NOt to upset you but we are all human
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: he doesnt have any free time
Chatty chatam: Okay but you do
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: noooooo
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i wont do it
Chatty chatam: Infact you have to much time on youre hands GOOOOO forit
Chatty chatam: Hey hell never know
Chatty chatam: Unless you BOO HOO to him
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im very honest. id tell him
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i wont do it
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: its not even a thought in my mind

sigh..why do people not understand. this is only part of the conversation. i had to block her eventually,bc she was making me very insecure like. even though i knew better i started thinking,what if jim IS doing stuff with someone else? even if i thought he was i still would not screw the hot boy. i love jim with my whole heart.even when it seems there is not one sensitive,romantic bone in him. and the hot guys got him all, that doesnt mean i wanna run into the hot guys arms. I LOVE JIM. but no matter what i said she kept telling me to screw the hot boy,bc jim was probably screwing someone else. that it was sweet that i loved him,but love doesnt last. i was so frustrated.

at like 1 am jim called and i was all snappy with him. poor jim. but i told him about what my friend had said and he was PISSED. said he wanted to smack her around.lol and then i felt a lil bit better. and made sure he knew i would never do anything like that.

but it still bothers me a bit. nice friend,huh?

happy easter to all!!

i guess...

i guess ill do a real post today. although there isnt much to tell. not much happened yesterday. what a boring day off. i got up about 9,and did basically nothing but surf the net till 11am. then i got dressed took austin to jims moms for a bit,while i did the easter shopping crap. and i learned that if you wait till the last minute, you get the good deals. lol anyway, i bought myself a present too!! i dont know if i told you all this,but i collect teddy bears. and i saw this really sweet pink beanie baby. it was soft and stuff,and i was gonna get it. until.. i saw this other one. it was dark blue,with shiny silver stuff in it. it has a pink mask too. its a mardi gras bear. ANDDDD.. its birthday is my sissys bday. so i got it. lol. just an excuse to get yet another bear. like i need more. soon ill have to give them there own room.lol

then i came back home, and slept for a long time. i wasnt tired really, i was bored tired. then i woke up and randi called. wanted me to come over. so i did. well shes got this dude living with her. and hes such a loser. now i know im not a rich girl anymore,but i still have some of those rich girl qualities. one being im snobby and look down on people sometimes. and even worse, im not really all that ashamed of it. but anyway, dude was getting on my last damn nerve. randi wanted me to babysit,and i was gonna say no,but then he left so i did. clueless was on,so i watched it. i love that damn movie. sad to say ive seen it so many times i know all the words to it.lol no joke. well anyway, i called my sissy to tell her about my new bear. she was laughing at me. and then we got into a discussion about tattoos,and we discovered im an asshole. get this

on my leg i have a tattoo for my mom with her dates,right? well it turns out im a moron and got the wrong damn year on me. its supposed to be 2002 and i have 2001. how stupid am i. i cant even try to fix it without it looking worse. god dammit all to hell. well my sister found this very amusing and laughed for a good 10 minutes straight. such a bitch.lol

then jim called and the army boys were going to the outback steakhouse. lucky ass, i wanna go tooooooo!! anyway, he informed me that he was gonna get drunk. poor liquor deprived jim. said he was gonna call when he got done. it may be late. ok love i said. so i left randis at about 12am came home, hopped on here cuz im addicted. then i went and watched some porn. the army boys want me to send some good stuff there.lol so i have to preview it. then i felt a lil funny, and had to take care of that. then came back up here, checked out all my friends blogs, showered and was in bed by 3. then i was pissed cuz i never heard from jim.

i wake up to find 2 text messages on my phone. one saying im a little bit drunk.lol and i deleted the other one so i dont even know what it said.lol

so i got up and went got a tattoo.now my leg hurts.lol that makes 10

i swear...

i swear men are stupid. like really stupid. if i ever find like one damn romantic,sensitive nerve in jims body ill die of shock and never live to test it out. i asked jim while we were reminiscing about us, when he first knew that he liked me. he said 30 minutes into the conversation. and i was like awwwww. then i asked him why he chose me,he said cuz i had tits and a pussy and he likes girls. so i tried to ignore that and said well so did all the other girls that worked with us. he said yea but yours were bigger. asshole. ruined the moment. but im gonna try to ignore all that and post another lovey song. cuz i know how you all love them!!lol

ok never mind,couldnt find any i liked. so here is another old poem...

someone asked me what id do if you had to go
but i guess the truth is i dont really know
i know id be miserable if i couldnt see your sweet face
i wouldnt be comfortable in any place
i wouldnt be able to smile without your loving touch
id be so unhappy missing you so much
itd be like the world was over without you by my side
id sit by the calendar watching the years go by
id dream of you every night and wait for you to return
id cry tears of lonliness my heart would yearn
i think i might go crazy without having you near
i would watch the news and worry be full of fear
i would wonder if you thought of me like i would of you
and think of how i love you and you love me to
i could dream of our future as i wish on a star
and hope that wish reaches you wherever you are
id look at the pictures so id never forget your face
maybe revisit some of out favorite places
i would hold my teddy bear so close as i try to sleep
squeeze him like he was you so as not to weep
id think of the old days and how far weve come
id think of how the bad days are almost done
id do all these things so i wont be sad
and then maybe those 18 months wont be so bad
but then again who am i trying to fool?
bc life isnt life unless im am with you

for my baby boo......

an old poem..

this is an old poem i wrote. and for lack of anything better to say i decided to post it.

Love Me or Let Me Go

love me now for who i am and who i want to be
love me for my attitude and my personality
love me for my dreams and secret aspirations
love me for my words and all my crazy actions
love me for my beauty inside and out
love me like i love you, without a single doubt
love me for my family and the closeness that we share
love me for my whimsicalness and for going out on dares
love me for what i say and for what i do
love me the way that i truly love you
love me for the time i spend and for the missed
love me for the special things love me for my kiss
love me for the twinkle in my eye whenever you are near
love me for my challenges and how i persevere
love me for my happiness and love me for my sorrow
love me for the positive outlook that i hold for tomorrow
love me for when i hold you so close when we sleep
love me for the days im strong and the days that i am weak
because all these things are what make me glow
and you can except them and love me or let me go

hope you like it. i may post some more if something interesting doesnt happen soon.

ive decided....

i was fine all day long yesterday. and then i went to cowboy joes post and read all about love and how wonderful it is. then i cried. damn pms and loneliness. i can pretend when im not pmsing. but once it starts,pretending is over. im sad, im lonely, i want a damn hug and a kiss. so from that point on i was miserable and had to cry myself to sleep. again.....

but anyway, ive decided that when me and jim finally get married, when this mess is all over and hes done with army shit and never has to go back again that,im changing the song for our first dance. it was gonna be unchained melody. cuz its just beautiful. but, at my work we listen to this station on the radio that plays songs from the sixties,seventies and eighties they say,but i have yet to hear one. anyway, unchained melody is played every fucking day. and im getting tired of hearing it.lol but another song had popped into my mind. it is also on the station but i only hear it once a week. im sure you all know it.

ALWAYS AND FOREVER....



Always and forever
Each moment with you
It's just like a dream to me
That somehow came true
And I hope tomorrow
Will still be the same
Cause we got a life of love
That won't ever change

Every day lend me your own special way
Melt all my heart away with a smile
Take time to tell me
You really care
And we'll share tomorrow together

There'll always be sunshine when I look at you
Something I just can't explain
It's the things that you do
If you get lonely
Call me and take
A second to give to me
The magic you make

Every day lend me your own special way
Melt all my heart away with a smile
Take time to tell me
You really care
And we'll share tomorrow together

I'll always Love You...Forever

Every day lend me your own special way
Melt all my heart away with a smile
Take time to tell me, You really care
And we'll share tomorrow together

Baby, Baby, Baby
I'll Love You Forever
I'll always Love You Forever
Together
Forever

god i miss him... :(

happy in love???

sometimes i have doubts. and i dont know if its the pms, or the loneliness or what,but i sit here and cry and wonder if its all worth it.

is it really all worth it in the end? bc i dont know how much more i can take. i really dont.

boorrrriiinngggg...

god my life is so dull. again i have nothing to say. just another day at work. went quickly too. YAYYYYY only 2 days left. wooohooooooo. but heres a country song i like. girls you will find it quite amusing. a man saying women do stuff better than they do.lol

Lost my job, came home mad
Got a hug and kiss and that's too bad
She said I can go to work until you find another job
I thought I like the sound of that
Watch TV and take long naps
Go from a hand working dad to being Mr. Mom

WellPampers melt in a Maytag dryer
Crayons go up one drawer higher
Rewind Barney for the fifteenth time
Breakfast, six naps at nine
There's bubble gum in the baby's hair
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair
Been crazy all day long and it's only Monday
Mr. Mom

Football, soccer and ballet
Squeeze in Scouts and PTA
And there's that shopping list she left
That's seven pages long
How much smoke can one stove make
The kids won't eat my charcoal cake
It's more than any maid can take
Being Mr. Mom

WellPampers melt in a Maytag dryer
Crayons go up one drawer higher
Rewind Barney for the sixteenth time
Breakfast, six naps at nine
There's bubble gum in the baby's hair
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair
Been crazy all day long and it's only Monday
Mr.Mom

Before I fall in bed tonight
If the dog didn't eat the classifieds
I'm gonna look just one more time
'Cause

Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer
Crayons go up one drawer higher
Rewind Barney for the eighteenth time
Breakfast, six naps at nine
There's bubble gum in the baby's hair
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair
Been crazy all day long
Oh been crazy all day long and it's only Monday
Mr.Mom

Balancin' checkbooks, juggling bills
Thought there was nothing to it
Baby, now I know how you feel
What I don't know is how you do it

i like the part about barney the best.lol

welcome to the boring life....

another day, same old shit!!lol still nothing to tell. i woke up with killer cramps which is unusual,bc i never get cramps. and then i went to work. it was a decent fast paced day.

FOR GIRLS ONLY!!!!!

lol, i ended up needing a tampon today.and first i had to bum a quarter off of someone. so then i i went to the stupid machine. cursing god for making me a girl,to find out it didnt work. of course. so then i went to the other bathroom and it didnt work in there either. holy shit!! can i get a tampon pleez!!! so then i go into this one chick filled room."anyone got a tampon?" no they are all in menopause. lucky them!! they tell me to go to the front desk, and this ditsy lady is there. shes gonna look in the closet. nope none there. so then she goes to ask this other chick. meanwhile im all embarrassed cuz now it seems everyone knows im bleeding. and im thinking hey it cant get much worse. well then the bosses wife whos like 300 years old asks me if she can help me. i was like fuck it everyone else knows. i say i need a tampon. and shes all deaf and shes like WHAT? and said something. i was like nevermind. so then this other chick comes,and theres none to be found. so im cursing,and shes like well i have one. i was like hooorrraayyyy.

holy shit, im gonna bring a whole damn box with me now!!lol

hope everyones day was great.

not a whole lot....

and heres to the end of another boring weekend.lol if my life continues to be this exciting, i may exhaust myself.lol

so its sunday night,and i really dont have a lot to talk about. my friend gio came here on friday night and stayed the night. erik and randi came over also. we got tore up and played spongebob on playstation. woohooo. then saturday, woke up did some computer crap,and when gio finaly got up we went to dennys.mmmmmm dennys. i ate like i never ate before.she paid.lol and then she left. i was sad like i usually am,but mot real bad. then i talked to jim for a bit,and i didnt even cry. weird. randi came over that night and we continued on our spongebob journey. woohooo again.

today i went to the food store and got some food for austin with money i shouldnt have spent,but oh well. easter is on sunday,and im not sure ill have the money for it. may have to tell austin the bunnys going to grammas. cuz she always makes a nice basket. but im trying not to think about it cuz then ill get depressed. and i dont wanna.

hot boy,blew me off 3 times, so i blew up on him until i made him feel really bad,which i know is evil to say but i was happy then.hehe im not ashamed. your not allowed to blow me off for stupid reasons three times and get away with it easily. nope sorry!!

had a weird dream last night. i dont remember all of it, but what i do remember was this. jim was getting to leave for iraq, and there was a party for him. there was this pool,and in it there was seahorses. really weird seahorses,but i thought they were just beautiful. so i walked over to it, and my friend came over to me with a spider. i hate spiders,and she threw it in the pool. i just looked at her and then she dissapeared. so i continued towards the pool and stuck my feet in it. then appeared some alligators, 30 foot long snakes all kinds of weird shit. but i insisted on getting my feet in there. i heard jim call me off in the distance and i turned and looked at him. i thought he had already left without saying goodbye. theni tried to get in the water,and jim came and pulled me out. then he was gone and i woke up. weird huh? i told my sissy about it and she asked me what i thought it meant. i said that i felt like going for a swim in the death pool? and she says she thinks it means, that id rather face my fears then see jim leave. i said sounds good to me. except im not afraid of snakes.

ever since jim left its either one really bizarre dream after one horrifyinly scary one. i wish he was here..

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

grrrrr....

so lets see what else is new? oj jim called the other day and told me that he was told when his vaca was. now originally it was supposed to be 2 weeks long. but he gets to come home from june 11 to june 20th. so i was irritated,bc once again the army got me all psyched up for something and then changed it all. fuckers. well then he tells me he wants to drive home. i did a check on mapquest.....18 hours!!! fuck no he aint driving. if it was 2 weeks ,maybe but not 9 days. thats 2 days wasted of driving. then i his parents are gonna push themselves in for at least 5 of the days,and one for friends,and i only get one...nope,sorry,not happening.

ummmm,oh me and the hot gut at work made friends. i really like him. hes so sweet and innocent and has no clue. i gace him my phone number and weve been talking a lot. jim says stupid shit about it,but really theres nothing for him to worry about. first of all, hes only 20. second of all,hes so sweet and stuff,and you know im just evil,so no. we could be friends and all but no. so i decided to hook him up with my friend randi. see how that goes. and jim gave me a bunch of shit cuz he was gonna be in the house. see what i get for being honest? now all these other guys come here and he dont care. but whatever. he can think what he wants cuz im still having him over.

my phone rang non fucking stop yesterday. which is cool, cuz i love to talk on the phone. love it!!!! well while i was talking to the hot boy whos name is josh,my stepdad called. fucker!! he lectured me for another 25 minutes. i guess you can say he was actually yelling at me. telling me how im the worlds biggest fuckup like he always oes,but in different words. then he goes, well i know im not the only one who says this to you. and i lost it. um yea!! you are. everytime you get the damn chance you tell me what a damn mess i am. and he started laughing. had he been in front of me i would have hit him. very hard!! but in the end,after all the damn abuse, and me trying not to cry, cuz i dont ever want him to know hes the cause of my tears, he said hed pay for my car.

yayyyyyyy. but you know i had to throw something in there to make him feel guilty first. lmao.

my jersey friends are here. yayyy i lurve them.<>

lurve ya all!! have a great weekend
i know i will, the hot buff boy will be coming over here to "show me how to use it".hehe im so bad

i still hate him!!lol

ok so heres the deal. im a lil bit better today. a lil bit. first i will say im very proud of the ones that have turned to haloscan. now we can continue to be a big happy blog family.lol second,for those of you who dont know this, yesterdays words were from 2 songs. the first was called faint by linkin park the second, numb also by linkin park.

ok so here was my day yesterday. i went to work where i was done with my stuff by 9 am. then i was forced to clean. im not a fucking maid. i dont sweep. especially dusty shit!! im allergic to dust. like really bad. so i sulked and whined for a loooonnggg time. didnt help me at all. well anyway, then my stepdad called me. i had called him first of course. this man raised me from a baby. he also has all the money in the world. lives in a 3 million dollar house,with all the finest furnishings, 3 boats cuz he lives on a lake, a bmw..you get the point. anyway, so i call him to beg for money. bc my job pays shit. i make 285 a week. so roughly 1200 a month. ok so i pay 600 amonth for the house,300 for the baby sitter, 110 for my car insurance, and about 100 for gas. so i have nothing left over. nothing. were gonna run out of food soon and im gonna have to quit smoking..blah blah blah. but now my car has decided to take a shit. i need $280 to fix it. all i said to him was can i borrow some money, he changes the subject and says so how is everything else going? i started bitching. obviously not good if im calling asking YOU for money. cuz hes always the last resort. then i got a 20 minute lecture about how i must have a screw loose in my head and my financial records and all that shit. until i got yelled at from this bitch at work.

needless to say, im not getting the money. i never even got to tell him how much i wanted. it could have been $20 for all he knew. fucker!!

hes got millions of dollars. this hurts me. i cant believe he said no. actually he didnt even say it. it was just known.

i wonder if i died tomorrow if hed even care. as long as he didnt have to pay for it he might.

i hate him!!

I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident
Cause you don't understand I do what I can
but sometimes I don't makesense
I am what you never wanna say
but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do
I can't convince you for once just to hearme out

So I let go watching you
turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I HATE MY FAMILY!!

i dont wanna talk about it. but you get the point!!

haloscan!!!

what a great thing haloscan is. i love that eveyone can come see me!! havent seen some of my other friends,but im hoping that they will return soon.

when you click on my comment thing(for those of you who dont know) at the bottom it will say haloscan. haloscan is a quicker way that doesnt seem to ever go in slow mode to comment. if you click on the haloscan link at the bottom of the comments part, it will take you to haloscan central.lol there it will tell you how to easily install this into your comments thing instead of having regular crappy blogger comments. i URGE everyone who hasnt done so to pleez do. its very convenient,and soooo easy.

if I can do it anyone can. it does it all for you. i hope that you will try this,bc i miss commenting on alot of your sites!!

dont have any good stories today, but thank you all for your kindness yesterday.

a day of silence

first id like to say, that i hope noone can get to my cooments instead of noone coming to see me anymore. i miss everyone. and just so you know, i read everyones blog everyday. sometimes i can get my comments in,sometimes i cant. but i continue to try. if someone can help me to get the haloscan into my blog id be very grateful. im going through comment withdrawal. send me info..my email is www.bobonbooboo@yahoo.com . dont ask..

anyway. today is a day of silence. on this day three years ago Tracy M., my mommy(yea i still say mommy,unashamed i may add) left this world to go to a better place. it is a sad sad day, and if i didnt feel so numb from the shit life has given me,id be crying. i know somewhere in ny,my sissy is. i hate this day. i always feel so incredibly guilty. you see on this day 3 years ago, my gramma told me the doctors were saying we should come see her. itd be the last time. thing was,theyd said it 4 times before too. so i didnt believe it. plus i didnt want to see her in the hospital. it always made me so sad. i didnt want to see her that way. and i didnt want her to be sad that i was sad bc of her. dammit i guess im not numb. im crying now. fuck!! anyway, so i decided i wasnt going.

well i told jim about it, and somehow against my will, it was decided we were gonna go. the next day jim had to work,but we were going directly after he was done. so i got up early,bc i was gonna pack and make sandwiches and shit for the 4 hour trip. i went downstairs to talk to my gramma and find out what time the stores opened. she just looked at me. and then she told me that my mom had died around 11pm the night before. i ran up to my room and cried. i cried long and hard. i called jim and he left work early,to be with me.

that was the worst weekend ever. already i felt like an asshole,bc i was too damn selfish to see her. why didnt i fucking listen? why was i so damn selfish? what is wrong with me? i never got to say goodbye. i went to jersey anyway, to gather her stuff, and everyone there made me feel like the asshole i was. i ended up getting extremely drunk. which wasnt a good thing. jim tried to make it better for me,he really did. but sometimes when you dont wanna feel better, noone can better you. and why is it that every damn sad movie in the world is on when you are so sad? i watched sweet november,which if you havent seen it is about a girl dying with cancer. and my girl. i hate when thomas j dies. so jim took my tv priveleges away. lol

anyway, so every year on this day, i fall apart. and youd think as guilty as i feel, id go to the grave. but i dont. i blow it a kiss everytime i pass it. but i cant go in there. its like if i dont fully believe it, it cant be true.

i talked to my mom 2 weeks before she died. we were talking about jim. she asked me if i thought he was the one for me. i told her i really believed he was. that was the last conversation we ever had.....

i miss my mom so much!!

stolen from bibsy..again

i got no good stories again so heres another l0ong quiz thingy..enjoy

13 Random things you like

13. candles
12. fresh laundry, fresh sheets to be exact
11. porno,lol
10. breezy fresh smelling spring days
9. tattoos
8. ferrets
7. lizards
6. kids movies
5. hugs
4. kisses
3. music
2. new jersey
1. liquor!!lol

12 Favorite movies

12. Thirteen
11. honey
10. the notebook
9. enough
8. Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
7. A Walk To Remember
6. Save The Last Dance
5. sweet november
4. titanic(im not ashamed.lol)
3. the sweetest thing
2. butterfly effect
1. romeo and juliet, the updated version.

11 Favorite bands/Artists

11. billy joel
10.no doubt
9. linkin park
8. limp bizkit
7. destinys child
6. eminem
5. 50 cent
4. aaliyah(shes my fave!! i miss her music)
3. dont laugh...pink
2. kanye west
1. eve

10 Things about me physically

10. I have big boobs. Yeah, Thats the 1st thing EVERYONE notices..
9. I have 9 tattoos and a nose ring
8. I'm short
7. I have green eyes
6. when im skinny i actually have a very nice hourglass figure
5. I have a scar from my lip to my chin, from an accident
4. I have dark brown hair till the summer. then it turns red
3. I'm a nice person
2. I have big feet. 9 1/2
1. i have alot of scars from dumb stuff

9 friends

9. randi
8. erin
7. linda
6. christina
5. Merri
4. gio
3. bibsy
2. melissa
1. jim

8 Favorite foods/drinks

8. kiwi strawberry snapple
7. Vanilla Pepsi
6. chinese food
5. cheeseburgers
4. mmmm taylor ham and cheese
3. fresh bagels. im talking like out of the oven fresh
2. steak
1. mashed potatoes

7 Favorite songs (at the moment)

7. just the way you are-billy joel
6. numb-linkin park
5. two step-ciara
4. breakawy-kelly clarkson
3. everytime-britney spears
2. take my breath away-jessica simpson
1. mockingbird-eminem

6 Things that annoy you

6. Homophobes
5. Racists
4. Fake people
3. people who cant drive
2. whiny kids
1. jims family!!

5 Things you touch everyday

5. my face
4. my computer
3. my hair
2. my child
1. my ferrets

4 Shows you watch

4. charmed
3. CSI
2. american idol
1. scrubs

3 People you have a crush on

3. jim
2. jimmy
1. james(lol)

2 Things you love

2. my family(my sissy, my bro, my son)
1. do i need to say it? jim!!

1 Thing you hate

1. damn only one....iraq!!

sigghhhh....little boys

little boys are gross!! right now im battling my childs room while hes at grannys. im getting ready to go back to bed and pretend it was all a bad dream!lol. my child is sooo unbelievable. there are 2 feet of toys and junk in front of the closet. his idea of cleaning is just throwing everything in front of the door. i can barely get into the damn closet. jesus christ. im ready to scream. then i kinda peeked into the closet cuz i saw a bunch of fluffy stuff. he ripped up jims childhood pillow. fuck me its gonna get ugly. then i trudged through all the shit and got to picking up the pillow,only to find...pleez control your gag reflexes, smeared up shit on the wall. are you fucking kidding me? wtf is that? im so pissed. i had to walk away. this childs getting an ass whooping when he gets home. theres stickers on the wall, candy wrappers(stolen) everywhere. jim would kill him if he were here. my childs so grounded.

sighhh..back into the dump. i only got 3 more hours till he gets home. not nearly enough time. i want to just throw it all out..lets all pray....(head down) god please let me not completely kill my child and pray that i make it out of that room alive without something eating me. let me also to be a good mommy and not throw out all the damn toys like i want. thank you..amen

hope you all have a great day!!

stupid bitch

so yea, yesterday was a decent day all day. all day until hmmmmm...im gonna say about 5pm. so im on the phone trying to order pizza for the children(i was a t randis house) and my call waiting keeps going off. i look at it and it says grammas house. so i reject the call,cuz i was ordering the food. well then it starts going off again. its grammas again. which means that its my bitch aunt. so finally i get off the phone with the pizza man and call her back. she answers the phone,and i say what? so she starts rambling on and on about how she needs my friends phone number. why i ask and she starts getting into her excited ramble and all i caught were perkiset, heath issues and water pills. so i say i dont.....and thats all i got out before she flipped the fuck out. talking about how she dont need this bullshit from me and blahblahblah. i looked at the phone and thought fuck this!! so i hung up. i couldnt believe she was getting all pissed off over a phone number. im not giving her one of my friends numbers without asking first. not happening.

anyway,so like 2 seconds later, my phone rings again. its her again. i said,no i yelled,what?!?

quick insert. my aunt is my moms sister. keep in mind that my moms death anniversary is this coming tuesday.....

so she goes to me(fucking cunt..no she didnt say that. im just thinking that now.lol)anyway,she goes"theres no way you could possibly be tracy's(my mom) daughter.bc she would never have treated me like that" and then she hung up. i cried. i hate that bitch. my mom didnt even like her. when my aunt found out my mom was getting beat by my stepdad all the time,she told my mom that she probably deserved it.

all this over a fucking phone number? are you kidding me? so i call up gramma and told.lol. and i was crying and all upset and gramma says well she has a point vanessa. ok can someone else tell me what the point was? cuz i dont fucking see it!!! i hate my family...i miss jim

i love you goodnight...

damn noone came to see me today. guess my miserable day the other day scared everyone away.....hmmm. well anyway, i spent like the last month trying to find this book for my sissy. shes been begging me to find it and buy it for her. this book.....i used to have to read it to her like 300 times a day. but you couldnt read it you had to sing it kinda. well neither of us could remember what it was called. she said it was goodnite moon, i said it was i love you goodnight. so anyway, since she was so adamant that it was i love you goodnight,i went to google and did a search. it pulled up a book by that name. but it didnt look anything like the book i remember. so i tried a different search and sure enough i found it. well the only way you could order it was by credit card. it was only 84 cents. so i was cursing and told my sissy it was only by credit card while shes instant messaging me to buy it in caps.lol so then she got all sad. so i called up barnes and noble to see if i could order it. books been out of print for over 10 years. well shit. so shes all upset. i think she wants this book cuz its one of the childhood memories she has of my mom. and the anniversary of the death is on tuesday so shes all sad.when all of a sudden i think of my one friend. i call her up,shes got a credit card,the book is ordered and im the best sister in the whole wide world. yayyyy!!! im the best,lol

nothing else to say really.oh wait,i ve been trying to comment on everyones blogs,but i cant seem to. i shall try again today.

The Sun Rules the Sign of Leo

On the downside: You may have a heavy ego, and you can be arrogant, vain, and extravagant.
Your good qualities include: A strong vitality, honorable, creative, generous, dignified.
Developing your own self identity and mode of creative energy expression will be your ongoing life's work.

Leo has a great deal of self confidence but they also have a great fear of being ridiculed and made to feel disgraced. While Leo is very affectionate there is a tendency to have things their way and may rapidly lose interest if they are challenged too often for the leading role. They will have to learn to discipline themselves against their overall enthusiasm for living life to the fullest, which is to say, dangerously on the edge. The creative urge in Leos should never be stifled as to do so a good deal of potential will be wasted.
Leos are found as painters, actors, or sculptors; but not all Leos are in the public arts, no, rather they can be found in the throes of creation doing their projects on the kitchen table. They have an infectious vitality that lights up their lives like an inner sun and illuminates not only their lives, but the lives of those around them. Lack of fulfillment in life, professionally or personally, can destroy these bright and shinning people and cloud their personalities.Leos need control in their lives to be really satisfied so organization is absolutely essential to their peace of mind.
A leo should cultivate a flexible mind as they do not always 'know best'.

Only when this trait is cultivated can the characteristic Leonine warmth, generosity, and desire to really understand others be fully indulged.
The lions love and adore children as they bring out the inner child. Leos are surprisingly sensitive and easily hurt, but they do have a tendency to dominate and this should never be underestimated. It is always meant well as they only want to bring out the best in the people they care about, or work with. They also tend toward impatience and they should make curbing these traits a lifelong objective. Born leaders, they can take command of a situation in any emergency and see it through to its completion. The enthusiams they acquired in childhood will generally last a lifetime and may even dictate the career one would choose.
They can be too status conscious, causing themselves much anguish when, or if, they cannot keep up with others in their immediate circle. They can also be quite overbearing and vain when they feel they are being challenged. On the other hand, the lions make great lovers and parents, giving more to a relationship than most of the other signs. They are good honorable persons and good providers.

lol,thats me,except the part where i love kids. i only love babies. then they grow up into brats.lol

naughty girl

so im felling better today. i think i just dont care today. about anything. seems to be working for me so far.

so i went to work today,as normal, and theres this really hot superfly man. god hes hot. nice muscles nice toned body, nice dresser,nice everything.turns out hes only 19. and i think to myself,dammit. now you all know i love my jimmy more than life. but theres nothing wrong with making a new hot friend. he only lives like 10 minutes away.

i promise not to touch him....in a dirty way.lol

god jim needs to come home. im preying on innocent teenagers. i mean i am only 24 but...sighhh

no time...no time...

its finally happened. ive lost every damn ounce of sanity. if you dont feel like reading about it,come back tomorrow...ok here goes

im about as miserable as i can be. ive been stressed to the damn max. now this has happened before,but it was always ok bc there was someone to lean on. right now noone has any fucking time for me. and i feel like im just falling apart until i get down to just ashes that will blow away. i cant really pinpoint one thing thats bothering me,bc its everything. im stressed about money im stressed about my job im stressed about jim being gone. im just fucking STRESSED to the damn max. and i cant handle it. i used to be a really happy person. you know the kind that gets on your nerves, now ive become this. i take everything offensively everything upsets me and i hate it. i hate what ive become.

im pmsing again, my moms death aniiversary is rolling up very quickly im miss jim so much, i have no friends really cuz all the friends i have dont have any available time for me. i feel like a little kid again,being in the hell house of misery and pain and noone to help me with it. noone to help me get through it. nobody has any time for vanessa.

its a shitty feeling,and its tearing me apart. i dunno when ill post next. could be tomorrow,could be never. sorry this is so depressing,and i know you think i should just vent here, but i dont think its helping me. i dunno if i can be helped. and i certainly dont wanna hear how i need a doctors help or how im selfish. so to avoid all that,im just gonna stay away until i have a happy day.

hope you all are well.

feeling guilty...

hello all, hope you had a lovely day. not much going on here lately. i have been doing my bowflex workout after work,so on certain days there may not be time to be on here. just so you know. plus ive been having toys steady rolling in. hehe...

anyway, on to an issue thats really starting to bug me. ALOT!! i keep having dreams about jeff. i cant stand it. i cant how bad it makes me feel. they arent dirty dreams,but its all the same. i shouldnt be dreaming of him at all. dammit. every dream is basically the same. im begging him to get back together with me. ummm no..those days are long over. i will never beg him to be or do anything. and why am i dreamiong of him anyway?

in real life, yea i may think of an old time every now and then,but i dont EVER think of us being together again. i would never go back with him. even if jim dumped me and jeff came crawling on his knees with a 7 carat diamond ring. bc noone ever made me feel worse about myself then he did. i just dont get it

i wish jim was here.....

stolen from cedia

I

i live: among a bunch of hillbillies
i work: alongside a miserable bitch
i talk: way to much on my cell phone
i wish: for my lover to come home to me
i enjoy: going bowling on dollar night
i look: scary in the morning!lol
i must: work, until someone leaves me the family fortune
i forget: my keys everywhere
i find: things hidden under my sons bed all the time
i smell: lovely. i have about 25 different perfumes :)
i listen: to all different kinds of music
i hide: in my room when i dont wanna be bothered
i pray: that God will teach our children right from wrong better then he taught us
i walk: through puddles and splash
i write: poems when im sad. ive never written a happy one
i see: drama everywhere i go
i sing: in my shower like im in concert
i laugh: at people when they get hurt. like fall down some stairs,slide on the ice. unless its really bad
i left: jersey at 17 and wish i never did. except for the fact that id never have met jim if i didnt
i won: jims heart by being persistent
i can: sing pretty good. used to be better before i started smoking
i own: alot of porn and toys
i watch: Days Of Our Lives everyday and have for over 10 years now
i yearn: to be happy with myself all the time
i daydream: about the day jim and i will get married
i fall: all the damn time. im clutzy
i want: to be rich!!
i cry: alot. im very emotional. i cry when im happy sad mad frustrated,you name it
i burn: warm apple pie candles every night.smells yummy
i read: mostly fictional books bout the paranormal
i love: jim so much it hurts
i rode: a horse once till he tried to throw me off
i sometimes: talk about people behind their back,but ill say it to their face later
i touch: myself when im horny and alone.lmao
i hurt: the ones i love when im mad,and always feel like an asshole after it.not alot,but it has happened
i fear: that jim will leave me although i have no reason to think it
i hope: jim and all the other military men will return home safely
i use: different colored mascaras.like purple red and blue. they are more fun
i break: the rules every chance i have
i eat: dark chocolate only.every candy i loved that was milk they now make in dark.mmm
i quit: my job the day jim left bc the people pissed me off
i bathe: every day,cant stand to feel dirty
i still: sleep with teddy bears and am unashamed
i drink: alot at family functions
i stop: at nothing to get what i want
i save: birthday cards
i lost: my mind a long time ago
i take: all the short cuts i can
i trip-out: when people call me a liar
i hug: everybody. i love to hug
i play: childrens video games. im on spongebob the movie game right now
i miss: my lover,my mom,my family
i hold: the key to jims heart
i forgive: as much as I can.
i drive: a red car with a slammin stereo system
i learn: alot from life
i dream: bad dreams when i take medicine or drink
i have: green eyes
i remember: the day i found out i was prenant
i don't: really care for chicks there is a few exceptions
i like: witch and ghost stuff
i made: an absolute vodka collage from magazine
i kiss: austin like 20 times at once cuz it makes him laugh
i believe: that what comes around goes around
i wait: for good things, but i get impatient
.i need: this to be done soon,im running out of answers.lol
i owe: my winning personality to my shitty life
i hate: backstabbers and liars
i feel: lucky that im not as crazy as others that have dealt with my situations
i can't: whistle with my fingers in my mouth like others can. ive tried really hard but cant
i know: a little bit of italian
i applaud: my sister for trying so hard in school to become something great
i am: a leo and im every bit of what it says
i figure: that life has something special for me ahead. hopefully soon

good god that took forever

ok,ok im back...

ok,i feel a bit better. it is 8am and im awake. booooooo. but theres not much to tell really. this weekend had been highly uneventful.

friday night,i did nothing,and went to bed about 8pm. yeaterday i woke up at 6:30Am. that was awful. who the fuck wants to be up that early on there day off? not this girl. there was nothing on tv. i watched(get ready to laugh) 3 hours of 90210.lmao. then i got a shower and went to the bitch in laws. and i was pleasant and so was she. it was a miracle. i found out the reason my week was so peaceful was bc she was away in florida. nice!! hope she goes back soon.lol

then randi came and got austin and took him with her. which is good cuz he was starting to irritate me. he decided to stick stickers on the wall. which its a good thing jim wasnt here or hed have a hurting ass. anyway, so he went to randis,and i talked to jim for a bit. cant really remember what we talked about so it must not have been important. then i decided i was bored. lol so i went to randis to watch the spongebob movie. it was pretty funny. but i was expecting...i dunno more i guess. the part with david hasslehoff had me crying it was so funny. you know i almost cried at one part too.lol then i came back home and got bored again.lol im never happy. so randi and jims friend erik came over. we played the spongebob squarepants ps2 game. and you know for a kids game..its fucking hard. like real hard. lol so we played and drank. now my head hurts.hahaha thats what i get.

now im awake and ive got a bunch of things to do,and i dont feel like it so i wont. well i gotta do laundry,but i dont feel like cleaning. ill save it for another day. like tomorrow. i say why do today what you can do tomorrow!!!lol jim hates that. lifes a bitch though. ok here is my thing i said i was gonna post for days

Name Three

Horrible Memories [[that are still vivid in your mind today]]

1. My mom and dad's fighting
2. the day i found out my mom died
3. the day my sissy tried to kill herself

Most Happy and Priceless Memories

1. the day i gave birth.
2.the day i met jim
3. the day i turned 21!!

Times You've Cried the Hardest

1. When my mom died
2. when my sister tried to kill herself
3. when i found out jim was gonna have to go to iraq

Times You've Laughed the Hardest

1. watching randi fight with her xmas tree
2. watching the spongebob cartton called sailor talk or something like that
3. when jim let me put makeup on him and eyelashes and we went out and people kept staring

Most Embarrassing Moments

1. falling off of a curb and losing a huge chunk of knee skin cuz i wanted to show off
2. having sex in the car till my legs went numb with jim and getting out thinking i could walk and busted my ass..twice
3. thats it for now

Times You Wish You Handled Differently

1. the three days before my mom died
2.calling the cops on my stepdads sorry ass every time he beat my mom
3. a few discussions with my sissy

Times You Wish Never Happened

1. being raped
2. being molested by my stepdad,so i could have experienced sex when i was ready
3. My moms death.

Favorite Dreams You've Had

1.being a rich chick with jim and we did nothing but love each other all day in our huge house
2.mmm..getting married to jim like i want,under a sunset on a beach
3. you know the dirty ones.hehe

-Favorite Songs At the Moment

1. welcome to my life by simple plan
2. breakaway by kelly clarkson
3. some beach by some country dude

Things You Wish You Could Do Before You Die

1. find someone to go bungee jumping with me
2. go to sea world dammit!!
3. buy a brand new car instead of used

You Look for In A Significant Other
1. Someone who understands me and what ive been through
2. Someone who makes me laugh
3. Someone who will make me feel like I am worth it

Days You Were Happy To Be Alive
1. december 2,1998
2. november 17,2001
3. Febuary 24th,19 89

People Who Know You Better Then You Know Yourself
1. jim
2. gio
3. merri

People You Trust
1. jim
2. gio
3. merri

Celebs You Can't Stand
1. ashlee simpson. i like her songs but she sucks live
2. britney spears(sorry bibs)
3. paris hilton


and there you have it folks. hope you had a great weekend. im back to the spongebob mission until randi gets here. then i shall work out and become buff!!

oh and if you get a chance, swing by http://justanothernickname.blogspot.com/. hes got a lil thing going on over there. check it out.lol

sumbbuddy pbleez shoot mbe....

thats my stuffy nose talk. thats how i sound. i feel like death dammit and its saturday. how am i supposed to drink the night away when i cant even breathe. life sux.lol again i am sickly so i have to be boring. but i chose another beautiful mushy song.. it makes me think of my lover. cuz hes got brown eyes. i promise sick or well, tomorrow i will make a real post.


Printer Friendly Version!

Destiny's Child Brown Eyes


Remember the first day when I saw your face
remember the first day when you smiled at me
you stepped to me and you said to me
I was the woman you dreamed about
remember the first day when you called my house
remember the first day when you took me out
we had butterflies although we tried to hide
and we both had a beautiful night

The way we held each others hand
the way we talked the way we laughed
it felt so good to find true love
I knew right then and there you were the one

I know that he loves me cause he told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
when he stares at me you know that he cares for me
you see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause its obvious
I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts
and he's missing me if he's not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tells his soul

Remember the first day, the first day we kissed
remember the first day we had an argument
we apologized and then we compromised
and we haven't argued since
remember the first day we stopped playing games
remember the first day you fell in love with me
it felt so good for you to say those words cause
I felt the same way too

The way we held each others hand
the way we talked the way we laughed
it felt so good to fall in love
and I knew right then and there you were the one

I know that he loves me cause he told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
when he stares at me you know that he cares for me
you see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause its obvious
I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts
and he's missing me if he's not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tells his soul

i'm so happy so happy that you're in my life
and baby now that you're a part of me you showed me
showed me the meaning of true love
and i know he loves me

I know that he loves me cause he told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
when he stares at me you know that he cares for me
you see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause its obvious
I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts
and he's missing me if he's not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tells his soul


He looks at me and his brown eyes tell his soul

the music and all the words just make this song beautiful. oh i miss my jimmy!!

i hate being sick..

well i still feel shitty. i feel like there is snot up to my eyeball.seriously,thats how pressurized i am. and when i blow my nose snot comes out my eye.lol its really gross. so i will be cheating again today with another mushy song. this is a country song. just for you cowboy joe!!lol hope you like it, and if someone doesnt..tough shit.lol i still love yall though.


It's Your Love

Dancin' in the dark
Middle of the night
Takin' your heart
And holdin' it tight
Emotional touch
Touchin' my skin
And askin' you to do
What you've been doin' all over again

Oh, it's a beautiful thing
Don't think I can keep it all in
I just gotta let you know
What it is that won't let me go

It's your love
It just does somethin' to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough
And if you wonder
About the spell I'm under
It's your love

Better than I was
More than I am
And all of this happened
By takin' your hand
And who I am now
Is who I wanted to be
And now that we're together
I'm stronger than ever
I'm happy and free

Oh, it's a beautiful thing
Don't think I can keep it all in, no

And if you asked me why I changed
All I gotta do is say your sweet name
It's your love
It just does somethin' to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough
And if you wonder
About the spell I'm under
It's your love

Oh, baby
Oh, it's a beautiful thing
Don't think I can keep it all in
I just gotta let you know
What it is that won't let me go
It's your love
It just does somethin' to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough
And if you wonder
About the spell I'm under
It's your love

its really a beautiful song. if you can pull up songs on your comp you should pull this one up. im not a country fan but i love it. i think its sweet.

have a good night see ya tomorrow

i fell like roadkill...

feeling kinda sick today. i dont really feel like typing. so i decided to pick another lovey song.lol i know how much you all like them. this one some of you may recognize,and you can make fun of me if you like, but i think its a sweet song. i dont care who sings it. and if you dont know,im not telling.lol

"This I Swear"

You're there by my side
In every way I know that you would not forsake me
I give you my life Would not think twice
Your love is all I need believe me

I may not say it quite as much as I should
When I say I love you darling that means for good
So open up your heart and let me in

And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear

I'm wondering how I ever got by
Without you in my life to guide me
Where ever I go the one thing that's true
Is everything I do I do for you

I may not say it half as much as I should
When I say I love you darling that means for good
So open up your heart and let me in
And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear

So whenever you get weary
Just reach out for me
I'll never let you down my love

And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
Ohh we'll get there
This I swear......

i love you jim..for life..

oh real qyuick. this is kinda funny to me. it may sound shitty but,whatever. so anyway, jim calls me last night. finally. but anyway, he says i got a battle wound. i said ok.. and he said he got cracked in the eye by a gun. so i oohed and ahhed for him and poor baby. then his dumb ass tells me,its gonna be a cool scar. i guess it goes from above his eyebrow ,around the side of his eye to underneath it. he says im gonna pick at it so it does scar. then ill look tough.lmao. loser.

hope all of you are well

remember when..

i was reading my sissys lj page yesterday and i found this

A 16-year-old Wayne Hills High School boy dragged a 15-year-old classmate into a restroom stall and raped her, authorities said Monday.The boy faces charges of sexual assault, criminal sexual contact and criminal restraint. He is being held at the Passaic County juvenile shelter.The assault took place after Saturday detention at 10:30 a.m., said Detective Capt. John Reardon.The girl left the downstairs hall to get some things from her locker on the second floor. There the boy called out to her, and she approached him, Reardon said.That's when the boy pulled her into a boy's restroom and forced her into a stall, Reardon said."She knew him from around school," Reardon said. "This wasn't a boyfriend-girlfriend situation."After a struggle and some time, the girl was able to break free and left the school, police said. She went to a friend's house and called her mother, who then took her to St. Joseph's Hospital in Wayne, where she was treated for bruises. Later she was transferred to Chilton Memorial Hospital in Pequannock for treatment at its crisis center that cares for victims of sexual assault. Hospital workers called Wayne police Saturday night. Police arrested the boy late Sunday.Juvenile trials and court proceedings in New Jersey are usually held in private. If the boy is later charged or tried as an adult, the case would be decided in public.

this is the hs school i went to. in the town that i grew up in. ok the town i lived in from the middle of 5th grade till11th grade. nothing bad ever used to happen there. well there was this one time where they did a locker search and found a knife. and there was the normal school fights,but other than that, there was never bad stuff like that. what has happened to our children. why are they all carzed these days. im so glad my step dad sent my sissy to boarding school. im glad shes not there for the madness. but she did know the two kids. its just awful.
if kids are going to school shooting other kids and apparently now raping them too.

whats it gonna be like when austin goes to school.it really scares me. cuz it wasnt that long ago when i attended there.only 8 years. good god what has happened to the children...

i stole this from my bibsy..

it has finished snowing finally. there is a ton of damn snow out there that ijust dont feel to motivated to shovel. i stole this survey thing or whatever you wanna call it from my sissys lj. feel free to copy it. lol have a great day

In The Beginning.....

Who are you: vanessa

Where are you from: new jersey currently stuck in rising sun maryland.(boo)

Birthday: august 2nd

Are you tired of answering those same 3 questions in every quiz u take: kinda

Why did you decide to take THIS quiz: its a lil different from the others.and they are fun

*How do you feel about.....

Homosexuals: they are cool. make good friends(the guys) are fun playmates when you are lonely(girls)

Heterosexuals: i hate how they judge the gay ones

Bisexuals: thats me!lol. they get the best of both

Christians: um, well im not trying to be an asshole, but i dont like how some of them judge others on their views in life

.Pagans: r those the biker dudes?

Harry Potter fans: I love HP!

anime: i dont know what that means.lol

Star Trek: booo,so boring to me

Buffy The Vampire Slayer: it was ok when i was like 16. i had a crush on angel. after season 2 it got dumb. ok dumber

Friends: oh i loved friends. miss that show

Will & Grace: i love that show too. jack and karen are my fave

Religion: bleh

Politics: angry face.they sent my jimmy away

Gay Marriage: all for it. cant believe its like a law that it cant be allowed.pisses me off. lets not go there

Straight Marriage: some people make a joke of it. if its real then go ahead. but if you dont mean that you will love them for life..dont do it!!

Marriage in General: i cant wait!

Monogamy: im all about it. ive never cheated. i have helped some to cheat,but ive never cheated

Disney Movies: ohh i love them. they always make me cry though. poor bambis mom..sniff sniff

Diet Soda: i only like diet coke and diet dr pepper. the others leave yucky tastes

Music Piracy (MP3 File Sharing): dont do it. dont have an mp3 or any of that stuff

*Ooooh... Look at all the stars....

Is Christina Aguilera a slut?: i dont think so. just cuz of the dirty video everyone says so.but i dont think so

Is Britney Spears a slut?: i cant share my opinion. my sissy will kill me.lol

Did Janet intentionally let her boob flop out?: yes..I think so. it was all dressed up in jewlels

Did Michael molest those kids?: haha yea, he so did.

Did O.J. do it?: i believe so

If you had to star in a same-sex love scene, who'd it be with?: hmm its a tie between, charlize theron and halle berry. i believe they are the most beautiful women

opposite-sex love scene, who would it be?: warrick from csi.hehe

Who's your favorite actor?: will smith. i love him.hes funny hes hot,and hes got those beautiful lips

Who's your favorite actress?: charlize theron. i love sweet november. and i think she did a great job in moster

Favorite Musician or band?: dont laugh..i love billy joel

Favorite author?: janet evanovich

Favorite stand-up comedian?: i like eddie murphys old stuff

Favorite athlete?: umm whats that guys name..derek jeter on the yankees. hes hot

Favorite model?: cant say i have one

Favorite Talk Show host?: haha jerry springer

*More about you.....

Are you single or are you taken?: ive been taken

What do you do in your spare time?: cruise through the blogs,read watch tv. its winter so not much

What are your creative outlets?: poems

Do you have a webpage?: yep

Do you read/write fanfic/slash?: uhhh again i dunno what that means

What is in your CD player right now?: kelly clarson. the new cd

What is the last TV show you watched?: american idol. and i was dissapointed

What is the last thing u said out loud?: fucking snow

last thing you ate?: cinnamon toast crunch

last thing you drank?: turkey hill lemon tea

What are you wearing right now?: old navy sweats and a t shirt about war

Do you sleep in the nude?: when my lovers here. otherwise its cold. well summertime i do.

What do u lie awake thinking about at night?: hoping my jimmy will make it home safe as well as the rest of the military

How many pillows do u have on your bed?: 3

How many things are there in you room that have to be plugged in?: 6

How long have u lived at your current place of residence?: a year and a month

What (if any) jewelry do u always wear?: the necklace my lover gave me. its beautiful

Do you have any tattoos?: nine,soon to be 10

*All about your friends.....

How many people do you actually consider TRUE friends: 4

How many people think u are their friend but secretly u can't stand them?: i know its mean but there are a few

How many of your blog friends list do you actually know InRealLife: sadly none,but i wish i knew them all

How many people that have have "friend-ed" u do you really know?: none

How often do you get comments from people and u have no idea who they are?: every now and then someone pops in

Who is your BEST friend?: besides jim, my friend gio.been friends for 10 years

Who is your loudest friend?: lmao,gio. thats how jersey girls do.

Who is your craziest friend?: melissa. shes got everything piercable pierced. and her lips are tattoed

Who do you call when u really need someone to talk to?: gio

Who do you call when u really want to have fun?: jims friends.gios to far

Who do you avoid answering the phone when they call?: jims parents

Who do you have the most in common with?: noone really

Who do you have the least in common with?: my sissy

Who do you wonder how you became friends in the first place?: lol this chick francis

How many people from high school do u still talk to?: 2, but when i got home to visit, we all hang out. the old gang

How many people from middle school do you still talk to?: 1

From earlier childhood?: 0

*Social Life...... Where do you like to hang out the most?: home

Are you usually the designated driver?: yes and it sucks

Do you drink?: sometimes. im currently on a non drinking binge. my family is full of alchies. i dont wanna follow in the family footsteps

Do you smoke?: yes

Do you do drugs?: not anymore

Do you dance at clubs?: hell yea,cant sit my ass down

Do you talk during movies?: lnot really, unless i take austin with me

What is your favorite restaurant?: applebees!! and outback steakhouse.they are tied

*Favorite......

Pop Princess: christina aguilera. (hope my sister doesnt read this)

Boy Band: i liked 98 degrees.

Rocker Chick: um..dunno

Rapper?: eminem

Color?: green or silver

Food?: steak..mmm

Drink?: peach tea

*Fill in the blanks.....

Beavis and______: Butthead

Run_____: dmc

Do you have a______: lighter

My name is______: chicka chika slim shady.lmao

I am______: a mess

My favorite band is______: linkin park

Can I ______ You: fuck

______ a tree: climb

______ Lullibies: baby

I play the______: game

Pass the______: joint.lol flashbacks

Kill me______: softly

Do______: it..now

I have to______: pee

I feel______: alone

I______you: love

Jump for______: the moon

______ me: love

Love is______: beautiful

To be scared is______: normal

I have a______: secret

Tick______: tock

Ass and ______: tits..lol

My job is to______: help you

Kiss______: my ass

Black_____: & blue

Don't let the door______: hit you in the ass

Mother and______: father

Siblings______: bibsy..yay

Fake______: people

Laugh_____: out loud.lol

yay that was fun