owwwww

yea so i found a bbq and i got drunk and sunburnt and im barley able to type right now although it seems to read ok. i am just very slow.lmao.hehe and i was drinking mikes hard lemonade and limeade and they make my head hurt so while i am drunk my head hurts too. cuz then i drank long island ice teas and martinis. im so not gonna get up on time tomorrow.lol

anyway, im stealing this from my bibsy

10 Years Ago, I...

1. was 14
2. wore alot of black
3. i was obsessed with boys
4. i was a good girl. no cigs, no liquor, no pot. everyone called me mom
5. i was still a jersey girl.lol

5 Years Ago, I...

1. was 19 years old
2. was living in pa,after my move to florida
3. i had sex cuz i was on e,didnt really like the guy or the sex he was giving me and made him stop.lol
4. Id been a new mom for a year
5. worked in a chip factory driving a forklift

Yesterday, I...

1. layed around all day
2. cried cuz i missed jim and our drinking parties
3. watched the terminator 2. the best one.lol
4. played spongebob
5. got in a fight with my sister

Today, I...

1.got drunk for the first time since jim has left
2. was socialable with people i didnt know
3.let 7 kids in my house for a little while(told you i was drunk!)
4.did some laundry
5. called jim to inform him i was drunk and happy

Tomorrow, I will...

1. hopefully get up in time for work
2. probably have a hangover
3. try to go to the gym
4. go to work and pray the next 4 days fly by
5. go to bed early

5 Snacks I Enjoy:

1. sun chips
2. munchos
3. ice cream
4. cheesecake
5. saltine crackers

5 Songs I Know all the Words to, Even Without the Music:

1. Breakaway- Kelly Clarkson
2. youve got it bad- Usher(mine and jims song)
3. 1,2 Step-Ciara
4. numb- linkin park
5. 1,000 miles-vanessa carlton

5 Things I Would Do With $100,000,000:

1. Buy a huge house like the ones you see on cribs
2. Buy my dream car, a silver mazda miata with convertible top
3. Go shopping, like ive never shopped before
4. give$2 mill to each of my closest friends and family
5. have the biggest best damn wedding ever!!

Top 5 Locations I`d Like to Run Away To:

1. jamaica
2. hawaii
3. bermuda
4. italy
5. NJ

5 Bad Habits I Have:

1. cracking everything
2. biting my nails(only certain ones though)
3. being a bitch
4. getting bored too easy
5. saying things I don't mean

5 Things I like Doing:

1. being with friends
2. anything and everything music
3. getting pretty and going out dancing
4. visitin in nj
5. duh..being a dirty naughty girl.lol

5 Things I Would Never Wear:

1. a halter top.
2. skirts so short you can see my ass cheeks
3. stilettos
4. flurescent colors
5. pancho's

5 T.V. Shows I Like:

1. charmed
2. law and order :svu
3. CSI
4. 70's show
5. Will & Grace

5 Movies I Like:

1.romeo and juliet
2. sweet november
3. bad boys 2
4. Cruel Intentions
5. fear

5 Famous People I'd like to Meet:

1. warrick on csi. his name is gary something
2. derek jeter
3. jenna jameson.hehe
4. ll cool j. i dont care what anyone says he's hot!!
5.paul walker

5 Biggest Joys at the Moment:

1. stars
2. music
3. friends
4. summertimes coming
5. knowing my babys coming home soon and i can rape him.lol

ok now im gonna tag some people. you dont have to do it,but its fun.

i tag 5 people:

1. boabahn sith
2. queen
3.cowboy joe
4.misguided fool
5.ms.cedia

blah

hehehe ive got a ferret tickling my knee..ow!!fucker bit me.

anyway,not much to report here. almost had a meltdown the other day bc everyone was talking about going to barbeques and crap with friends or family.and i dont have either. then i got to thinking if jim were here we wouldve partied every night.and then i got grumpy. i was at randis house and we rented some movies. and i bought one cuz i really wanted to see it, and there were none in the store.lol we got white noise,are we there yet?(the one i bought) and racing stripes. id already seen racing stripes but it was so cute i rented it. white noise was kinda freaky. i hid through most of it and then got paranoid on the way home in the dark at 2:30 am.lol

then yesterday i got up for the gym,only had 4 hours of sleep.(paranoid lol) went to go to wake up randi so she could go to. and we went and got sweaty. she was so whiney the whole time. i was like her drill sergeant.lmao. we were on the treadmill for 5 minutes and shes like im gonna pass out.lol then we layed out in the sun for a bit. then it stormed and we yelled auntie em auntie em.lol to scare the kids for the (b-tado) lmao thats what they call a tornado. and i watched ghostbusters. lmmfao. i remember watching that damn movie all the time and i couldnt really remember it. all i could remember was stay puft.lol

then i came home and baked a cake, watched pretty woman and went to bed.

I WANNA GO TO A BARBEQUE!!!!!!(whining)

in a nutshell

ahhhhhh.....mental breakdown....scary movies...4 hours of sleep......gym..sweat..kids irritating......tired...hot...nap.


lol

do i really wanna?

do i really wanna be part of this family? fucckkkkk no!! christ i cant stand these people. sighhh. ok first things first

so work was work. i went in today and my friend mike whos been being a real bitch lately was bitchy yet again today. and when hes bitchy thats when he wants to pick fights with me. lucky me. well if i am in a good mood, unless he says something really shitty it doesnt bug me too much.today i gave him the warning that once i come back from sending jim off, he better cut this shit out,cuz i wont be tolerating it. and he starts popping off at the mouth about how i just talk alot of shit and blah blah blah. well now i start getting all worked up which was the plan in the first damn place, im so dumb. and im flipping out,of course. im bitching to the girl i work with and shes like vanessa calm down its not even time to start stressing about it. and im rambling"....i warned him. let him fucking get smart me with me when i come back. i fucking dare him. see if i dont get fired i dont care..." and on and on like that. and i mean it too. everyones used to nice vanessa. so they dont take me seriously when i say i will flip the fuck out. if they only knew. noone there knows about all the fights i got into at my old job. and noone knows about the fights ive gotten into here. im a bad bitch. i am nice until you fucking push me,and once that happens watch out. i turn into the incredible hulk. well as far as the angriness is concerned. so i told mike, i fucking dare you to come at me. see what happens. it wont be fun and games anymore...then i shutup. no need to be angry when its almost time for the 3 day weekend.

then the girl i work with was like and you better not be coming back with bruises. and i said well you can count on that. i like to wrestle. i keep thinking one day i will be able to take jim. but he always kicks my ass. which makes me more determined the next time,which means i get my ass kicked worse.lol oh and dont be surprized if i have rugburn too,bc he likes to drag me around on the floor by my ankles. lmmfao. she didnt know what to say.i think she thinks i was like talking dirty but i wasnt. well maybe a little with the rugburn.hehe

speaking of dirty..im very excited to say that there is a new jenna jameson porno out. i think it is called krystal meth. filled with the usual fun packed stuff that jenna usually has. i will be ordering it very soon.hehehe

oh yea and at work, we have a newsletter thing and i put something in it for jim. it reads

Vanessa W. would like to ask everyone to join her in sending out prayers and well wishes to the B Troop out of Annville,PA. Her boyfriend Sergeant J.C. as well as the rest of B Troop will be shipping out to iraq for a year later this month.

cheesy i know,but its something, ya know?

i went to the gym after work today and worked up a good sweat. i was only there for 35 mintues. but i dont wanna push it ya know? but thats 2 days in a row. i wont be going tomorrow but i plan on going saturday and sunday. tomorrow i will bowflex as well as monday.

and jims stupid parents were here today. i dont even wanna talk about it. i Will be getting those mofo keys back. oh yea...i will!!

abandonment

so first i would like to say i went to the gym for 45 minutes today.yayyy to me. i did the treadmill for about 22 minutes and the bike for 11 doing 3 miles altogether. and then i got back on that demon machine i was on saturday and i didnt last very long again. dammit!! i will conquer it.lol these lil tiny girls were like running on it and i can barely stay on it.but whatever. i will try again tomorrow.lol

ok next topic. so ive been thinking, some of you will remember how i told you that my friend of 13 years dumped me back in december. bc she said i was selfish and its always about me. which with her its bullshit bc it was always about us. oh and she said i was using her too. ive tried repeatedly to get in touch with her. everytime i go to jersey i call and try to visit with her. i called her on her birthday, ive tried to im her on the aol.nothing, she really wants nothing to do with me. if it was anyone else i would say ahhh fuck her. but ive known this girl since fifth grade. and now at the time when i really need friends,i miss her sooooo much. and it hurts my feelings that she wont even try to fix this. that she could toss me away like i was nothing.like we were nothing. how do you just throw 13 years away.

i tried to call her and im her today. and nothing. i miss her. alot!! we have a lot of great memories. my other friends from jersey say forget about her. but i cant do that. i still have pictures around the house of her. she was my best friend. and even though she dumped me, those pictures were from good memories. and im not willing to throw them away. bc although we arent friends now, in my memories and my heart,we still are.

sighhhh, i miss the old days

oh yea i am..

so im playing hookie again today. for some reason i am just unmotivated. plus i can use the time to go to the gym and go and get my free food from the place. so it will not be a totally useless day. i have semi quit smoking as i am too poor for it. which isnt really that big of a deal bc its easy,i can do it.

and sadly that is all i have for now.lol

dammit ive been tagged

dammit i have been tagged by no other than the queen. thanks alot dammit.lol.

ok so i need to come up with 10 things ive never done. hmmmmm.....some of it will probably be sexual bc i am deprived.lol

10. i have never had sex in a public bathroom.
9.i have never had a threesome
8. i have never eaten pussy and dont plan on it.
7.never been whipped,but have been paddled.hehe
6.never tried sushi(ewwww)
5.never been to europe and probably never will the way jims talking
4.never driven longer than 4 hours (like me myself actually driving)
3.never owned a cat
2.never gone skiing
1.never hmmmmm won alot of money.

that was hard.lol ok now i must pass it on. i pass it to cedia,pep and betty

nothing going on here today. just 19 days left to go.woohoooo. ive got it all planned out too.hehehe

lmao

ok...first things first. lmao at all the different comments from the last post. nice. jim wants me to be celibate cuz it will "feel" different. i guess itll start to close up a bit. i dunno. whatever. which is fine. sorta. i dont wanna do the hand thing cuz then ill want something better in there. ya know...


ok well yesterday was a dull day. got up earlylike and went to the y like i said. randi took the kids who were getting on my damn nerves already to the pool. i went to the gym. well i walk in and of course it is alllllll guys. and not just any kind of guys.but buff hot guys. there were 2 girls and they were all fit too. so here i am, with my fatass walking through, and these people are going at it. dude on the treadmill is flat out running,and everyone else is like that too. so i get on this thing thats like a mixture of a treadmill and a stairmaster. i got on it and took the easiest damn course. so im doing this thing and im like whoa. i was kinda having fun, but then i was like well maybe this isnt the right course for me. so i stop and choose a different course. so i stop it im only 1 minute into the damn thing and switch to an easier course. so i start going on the course and im on for like another 4 minutes. huffing and puffing, and looking at these other people wondering why they arent all huffy and puffy, and im like fuck this. my calves thighs and ass hurt already.lol so i got off and left. lmmfao. yea it was a productive day. i wouldve stayed if i had someone to talk to and laugh about it with. or even some headphones,but whatever. i let my insecurities take over. again.

then later i on i went to randis house. we got into a fight cuz she was being a bitch. and i didnt like it. so i gave her the silence treatment with my angry face for about 45 minutes.lol and she caved like i knew she would. she gets over things really easy.lol

and from there i left to go find my jersey friends. then we came home and sat and talked. today we will be journeying to dennys. yayyyy. lol i havent had dennys in awhile. i love dennys.lol

yesterday was three weeks from yesterday. slowly making it guys. woooohoooo

SHOW ME THE PENIS!!!! lol i couldnt control myself

still not alot

still not a whole lot to report. god my life is just so boring.

are there any csi fans here that saw the finale on thursday? omg!! it was the best one ever. i bit off three nails i cried a few times, i started pulling at my hair. it was awesome!!

ok so, i think that letting that argument go the other day with jim was a good yet a bad thing. i have discovered that i need to argue. bc yesterday, i went to work and i argued with everybody about everything. normally i would blame this on pms,but dammit there is none this time.lol but i really did just argue with everyone. and not always with attitiude but just to argue. i made the boss so mad at me he threw a pen at me and told me if i continued on hed throw more shit at me. so i argued about that.lmao. it was kinda amusing to me cuz i knew what i was doing. but i just had to argue with someone.lol. and you know this being celibate thing isnt helping much either. jim decided that amonth before he comes home i had to stop all toy play. it has been almost 3 weeks now, and im starting to get crabby. that boy doesnt get home till 3 weeks from today. wahhhh.lol

didnt go to the y yesterday. god it was so rainy and miserable out, just didnt make it. today me and randi are gonna go today. unfrotunately, she invited this little girl that i cant stand to come with us. i hate this little girl, shes so whiney and irritating. im staying in the gym, she can have fun at the pool.lol

yea thats about it.

yayyyy im so happy!!

HOORRAYYYY!!im so happy and yet so sad at the same time. my sweet lover called me today. i was at work so i was only able to talk for a few minutes. which after 11 days and only being able to talk for a few minutes last time..totally sucks ass. the stupid bitch at work was watchying me like a hawk while i was on the phone. i dared her with my eyes to say something. like go ahead,cunt,say something smart.lol im so mean. i dont care,we already established the fact that im an asshole and im ok with it. anyway, so he asked if me and his mom were getting along better. i said no. then i said well, and i told him they brought me food and stuff. then i told him about weekly inspection day, and told him when he comes home he will be getting those keys back. then we started to have a disagreement about that..and you guys will be so proud. i said you know what? forget it..we'll talk about his another time. im so proud of me. so then i told him how i missed him so much and how i love him. and i told him about the damn period(fucker) and that was about it. then he said well i better go..and i cried..and told him i love him and i cant wait to see him. and that was it. kinda dissapointing. but whatever. 22 days to go.


as for devils island...which you will find the link for on the right up there..lmao at the conversation i had. its so fucking hilarious. i laughed a good 20 minutes at it. check it out if you need a laugh

bleh..

so im feeling bummed. i think today makes 10 or 11 days since ive talked to jim. i think im doing fairly well considering ive had pms, and tomorrow is "weekly cleaning inspection day". but i miss him. alot. alot alot alot..sniff sniff. but..at least there is some good stuff on tv tonight and tomorrow night. tonight is the finale for the 70's show. and tomorrow is the csi one. yayyy. but they dont make up for my lover... booooooo.

so this week blows. full of dissapointments. monday zoo sucked...tuesday i found out my friend from jersy may not be coming after i already got myself all psyched for it,today...i finally found a sitter so i can go to the movies on friday to see monster in law with a friend,and then i call her and she cancelled on me. life sucks.

happy thoughts happy thoughts...hmmm well me and jim will get maybe 3 days of good sex. yea, that doesnt help much either. after all this damn time im only gonna get 3 wimpy damn fucking days. oh wait..four. but still

I HATE BEING A FUCKING GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not much to tell about work today. everyone was miserable. this one guy saw my new tattoo.hes such a fucker too.

he goes: lemme see the tattoo

so i show him.

he goes: thats dumb

i say: thanks. cuz i was so trying to impress you

he goes:well you should

i say: um i could give a shit what you think

he goes: it looks like garfield is in your arm. did you eat him? or stick him up your ass? how did he get there

i look at him like hes from mars and then i put on my mean face (and it IS mean. ive made girls cry with it before.hehehehehe) and i say: youre stupid

which wasnt a really good comeback. but it was good enough for everyone to look at me and be shocked cuz i didnt flip out and then all look at him and laugh. and hes a shy kinda boy, so he turned all red and shut up real quick. fucker. im too tired for petty arguments. maybe tomorrow i will stir it back up and give it to him good! yayy something to look forward too

im off to see what has happened on devils island. yayyy im excited

lazy ass

so i decided to take another day off of work. woke up this morning and didnt really feel like going..and then i woke up my child and he said he was sick. now he never says that, so i figured it must be true. sure enough he was lying but it was cool cuz i didnt wanna go anyway. so we stayed in our jammies all day long. the day went extremely slooowwwww. i slept a bit, made some spaghetti, wathced tv and thats about it. lifes a bitch.lol

it was a decent day outside. i shouldve gone outside to get some sun. but i didnt. my skin is still kinda burnt from yesterday in some areas. i dont wanna peel and then lose all the tan i got. so i just stayed inside and lounged around. now after four days off of work im ready to go back. yayy. lol

my lover comes home in apporximately...24 days. yippee. but you know certain people..i wont say who hate me. so i will be having a period while he comes home. im sure you dont really care..but my blog my thoughts.lol dammit all to hell. 6 months of no fucking sex and then when i get the damn oppertunity to have some my damn fucker thing comes. figures. the good thing is it wont be here the whole time. knock on wood. i miss him. 9 days and no phone calls. i hate the army

i blog surfed today on my boring day off. and i stumbled upon this blog
http://adayiniraq.blogspot.com/

its a soldier over in iraq. it made me feel a little bit of peace to read what he had to say. im still scared as hell for jim to go over, but reading what this man had to say eased some of it. give him a visit if you have time.

ok love you all.

oh and real quick....yayyyy to me and betty and dl for getting immunity on the island. wooohooo. party in my tent tonight!!lol if thats ok with the rabbit of course.lol

ahhh yes the streets of baltimore

so today was the zoo day. i started of the day like wayyy stressed. i went to the store to get film and batteries for my camera and then couldnt find the damn camera. fuck!!! so then i got all pissy. then josh was late as usual,dammit again!!

so finally we are on our way. and besides josh telling me how to drive it was mostly an uneventful trip. sorta. we made it to baltimore fine. evn caught up to the buses even though we left a half hour later. so glad i drove myself. well mapquest fucked up and we ended up in hte middle of nowhere. right by inner harbor but not quite. well id never been to the zoo before so i had no clue. so we stop and ask for directions. in like the harlem area of baltimore. so dude gave us directions, and so we drove. well instead of listening to myself, i listened to josh and we ended up in a new harlme ghetto area. i turned my radio off and everything cuz these people scared the hell out of me.lol. so we stopped for directions again and finally got to the damn zoo.

now, after having been to the bronx zoo in ny, this zoo sucked. like really sucked. they didnt have any tigers, brown bears and no seals!! wtf? no seals? thats that bullshit right there. so we were basically done in like 2 hours. the baltimore zoo blows!! one good thing was when we went to see the leopards( this is some funny shit) they put on a show for us. so were all looking for the leopards, the adults AND the children. we found one laying on the rock. well all of a sudden the second one comes up behind(hehhehehehehe) the one laying down. the one laying down RAISES her ass up and the boy one comes up right behind her and starts humping her!! i laughed my ass off. all the kids are going "mommy what are they doing?" so i laughed even fucking harder. well the girl leopard lets out this roar and runs away. guess it wasnt very good for her. you had to be there i guess,but it was hilarious

in other news...i havent talked to my lover in 8 days. this saddens me, but its only a few more weeks till he gets home. this weekend my friend melissa from jersey will be coming to visit. so that will occupy me. oh and i got a discount rate for the ymca. im gonna go get really really hot for my lover. and swim too!!lol and then next weekend is memorial day weekend. off to the beach. unfortunately i have to be with his parents for that, but i can stay far away and only while the suns good!! otherwise off to the gym i go.

my good blog buddy just another nickname whos link youll find to the right under DEVILS ISLNAD is doing a reality blog kinda thing. pretty cool. so he has us all going in on a raft and im the loudmouthed one(me? no way) with all the tattoos just a yapping away. lmmfao. good stuff. but anyway he takes stuff from our blogs that we posted as us talking. pretty cool. you ll have to check it out!

have a great night

looking good

today is sunday. i love sundays. i dunno why. anyway i went and got my tattoo. i brought 3 boys with me. josh had to go first bc he had other things to do. he said he was gonna get a small one first,to see how it feels. then picked a huge one!! and looked scared to death to get it. it was kinda sweet. he was shaking and just looked like a deer in headlights. he bitched the whole time about how it hurt. i thought he was gonna back out halfway through.lol then this guy ben got one. well while josh got his and ben got his i went outside and jumped on the trampoline. been awhile since i did that. and holy shit,its so tiring. been awhile since ive done it. and i made the mistake of jumping with 5 yr olds. they kept making me jump real hard so theyd go flying. man i worked up a sweat. after i finally got rid of them i layed on the trampoline and got some sun. and now ive got one mean sunburn on my face. i was lobster red. lol my arms are beautifully tan, my head is lobster red. doesnt make much sense. anyway i finally got mine done and it hurt like alot. but only in this one spot. bc im a moron and didnt look better where i was placing it, i got it on top of a mole. shit hurt. but otherwise it was painless. its kinda hard to explain. it looks like garfield(the cat..see above) is clawing/swiping through my skin.and where he swiped you see his face and hes got this smart ass look on him. no big deal.but it goes around the front of my arm to the sides. so its not quite an arm band.

then i finally got home. i was gone from 11-6:30. holy hell. then i spent a good part of the night bored and then i went to bed. at like 12 30. for a 24 year old im really pathetic. sighhh

ok people be prepared,the craziness is coming. its been a full week since i heard from jim. its not here yet, but im starting to feel lonely. just so you know.

it looks like it may be an ok day outside today. its still early yet, but its looking good. gonna go get some more sunburn!!! not on my face though. although it doesnt hurt at all. well see

tomorrow ......the zoo!!! yay

oh and i forgot i called my sissy to tell her i got another tattoo and she called me a tattoo freak and told me to stop getting stupid tattoos.lol such a smart ass bitch. yup thats MY sissy!!

yayyyy

thank you to everyone that still loves me even though im an asshole!!lol. brief update, havent heard from her since. just as i thought. if she happens to call again i will be informing her to stop bc i hate her!!lol but anyway...

in better news.....today i will be going and getting another tattoo. yes i said another. now you are probably sitting there saying "now jerzee, do you honestly need another tattoo? and how many does THAT make?" yes i need another one. i am addicted it. and it will make a total of 11. lol yes 11. im so excited. it looks to be a beautiful day today. yayyyy sunburn too! lol

i feel pretty good even though i havent heard from jim since last sunday. trying not to let it bring me down. jims parents have backed off sorta. so thats always great. life is good, lonely but good. i saw my old friend chris last night. i was so happy. me and chris have a weird freindship. i met him at a party about 5 years ago. he was trying to hit on me. he was super trashed, really hot but really trashed. and as i was trying to dance, he dumped his beer all over my new shews. i flipped the fuck out!! and when he saw i was mad he dumped the rest of the beer all over him. it was so cute/stupid i had to talk to him. we dated for a bit,but he always felt like my brother. i could never think dirty about him. so weve stayed friends. well until he met this psycho girl. she wouldnt allow him to be near me. then they broke up and now were friends again. his dad thinks we should be together.lol but no. wouldnt feel right. anyway i saw him and he made me happy. it was nice

monday is the trip to the zoo. also very excited for that. i cant wait. josh is going with me and austin. ought to be interesting.

work still sucks. getting ready to knock that bitch out. told the boss i hate her yesterday.lol shes hes pet. i hate pets.lol unless
IM the pet!!!

have a great weekend!

i decided im an asshole...and im ok with it

so last night i went over to randis house. and visited with her although she whined the whole damn time. i swear for a 28 yr old she acts like shes 98 and is like falling apart with age. anyway, i came home and checked my answering machine. there was a message...from my aunt lisa(cunt bitch)

now for those of you who dont remember ill give you a quick briefing. this is my moms sister. the one who when my mom told her she was getting beat my aunt told her that she probably deserved it and sat back and watched it happen again. this is the aunt that at my moms funeral got on the podium thing and told the church she desperately tried to help my mom get better,when i knew she was dragging my mom to go out and get coke and do it with her. lied in a church.bitch. this is the aunt who when i wouldnt give her a phone number told me i could never possibly be my mothers daughter cuz im such a bitch. abd the same one who for the last 3 months has acted like a 13 yr old and ignored me everytime that i went to grammas house or pushed past me to stomp up the stairs.

ok anyway, so on this message, she says "hi ness sweetie(sweetie? i aint her fucking sweetie) its aunt lisa...." and she proceeds to tell me that she got beat up by her husband while home and him fixing her car. she wanted me to help her out by calling my gramma to tell her about it bc she didnt know how to.

um wtf? are you kidding me? i stared at the machine in disbelief. and i turned around and thought to myself, i dont fucking care, i aint helping shit. dont fucking cll me after 3 months of doing your best to ignore me and expect my help. i honestly didnt feel bad for her at all. i felt disgusted that i was related to her.

now understand, i do NOT like females being beat. but i could give a shit what happens to her. i did finally try to call her knowing it was the right thing to do, i really didnt want to. and as i did so, a very large beetle attacked me. and i thought well thats my sign to hang up so i did. and i still didnt care about if she was hurt or not. i was thinking karma is a motherfucker you self centered bitch.

i did finally call her, and then called my gramma. but i did make sure to inform her that i was only doing it bc i love gramma. and i know she was probably stressing out over her and if she was safe somewhere or dead. my gramma is too old to be getting stressed out over lisas bullshit. i made sure she knew i didnt give a shit about her,or care if she was hurt,but that i was doing it for gramma.

but if not for gramma i wouldnt have done shit. i wouldve sat back and watched and never thought twice about it or ever regretted it. i wouldnt have lifted one finger for that bitch.

and im ok with that!

christ its hot...

hello friends. i havent been around much cuz i ainbt got a damn thing to say.lol life is very boring. 33 days till my lover gets home!!! yayyyy!then i can tell him about my weekly cleaning inspections from his dumb parents and hell make it stop. and if he tried to give me some bullshit line ill say...."oh well then, no pussy for you!!" lol. well maybe not that extravagent,then i miss out too. hmmmm oo oo i know. no dick sucking for you!! lmao. hed be pissed!!! lol. but itd get the job done!

anyway, my weekend sucked. i was bored all day saturday. i went to walmart and got this stuff for my hair. its called brilliant brunette. supposed to be killer for your hair. and it is. makes my hair wonderful. but for the shampoo and conditioner whcih are 2 small tubes i payed 11 bucks!! i couldnt believe it. and i have so much hair itll be gone in 2 weeks. oh well, the small price you pay for great hair!!

josh called later that day and apologized for being a shithead!! and i ripped him a new asshole. yayyyy! blow me off when i got pms..loser. theni had to hear about how great his latest pussy is and how this could be it. and since i was irritated i had to break it down for him how he said that for the last three he had. i know im brutal,but i dont care!

saturday night i did nothing. yesterday i did nothing. life is very boring.

today i did my tarot cards. ive been wanting to go to the psychic. but im really scared that shell tell me jim will et killed and so i havent gone. so i did my cards to get a preview. the first reading was bad,but i want concentrating. the second was good. but then since i had 2 conflicting ones i had to do it again. all together i did it 4 times. one bad and 3 good. so it looks like a good outcopme for me and jim. the one even said our future " engagement and marriage" oh and it said something about fertility, but there will be none of that!!

i talked to jim yesterday for a whole 2 minutes. he called to wish me a happy mohters day and tell me california is very sunny.lol goofball. i wish we could have talked longer,but whatcha gonna do. ok well thats it.!

have a great day!!

boys suck!!

ok so i know you all are wondering what the hell happened here in my drama filled life the other day. well i dont really feel like talking about it anymore but i will tell you all one thing that was said. not in these exact words,but jims parents basically told me that if he gets killed in iraq it will be all my fault. nice,huh? yea, so onto other things.

jim is now in california and is stuck with 200 other men in a tent the size of a circus tent in southern california. i am very happy that i am not in that tent with them,bc 200 stinky sweaty men in one tent with no showers near them does not sound like fun.lol i havent heard from him since he's been over there, and i really dont expect to. its cool for now, im ok. i know some of you are worried.lol. but its only been 2 days. sadly,the last conversation we had, was not a happy one. we fought. ok,ok i fought and he just listened. i hate his parents!! anyway, so yea i havent heard from him. we did talk about the flagger thing and he doesnt think i should do it.figures. i dont wanna talk about that either.

so today i was supposed to go to delaware and get me a carton of smokes. they are only 26 bucks a carton. i love deleware. im having a dumb moment and cant remember how to spell that.lol anyway, i was supposed to get smokes, go to arbys and walmart. all with my hot friend josh. well josh has blown me off. and now i am pissed. bc the only reason i know he was blowing me off was call i called him to ask a quick question. and he said he was going to the movies. like it wasnt no thing. fucker. i like him alot and hes a really sweet guy usually. but put him around some pussy and he turns into a real dick. like i know all guys are like that, but if you knew this boy without pussy around him you would never imagine him acting like that. then he tells me ill be around your way later. um hello, did you think i was just gonna sit around all day and wait for you to call me so we could hang out? um fuck you dude. im not your pussy, i wait for nothing.fucker. anyway, so im off to the shower and then im off to shop, friendless. boys suck!!

ummmm i dont wanna...

lol ive been tagged by two people for the same thingy. i dont wanna do it though. sorry. its all complicated and requires some thinking and i dont wanna.lol but.......... im stealing this one from the queen


MEME

1.First name: Damn i hate this question...Jacquelynne
2. Were you named after anyone? nope.
3. Do you wish on stars? Yes all the time, but they never come true dammit!
4. When did you last cry? last night.
5. Do you like your handwriting? Yes
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? pastrami...mmmmm
7.What is your birth date? 8/2/80
8.What is your most embarrassing CD? lmao. i must say that i have one of all the gay ones.lol i have a britney spears cd, i have a christina aguilera cd, i have an in sync one a 98 degrees a jessica simpson and a backstreet boys cd. lol. what? they all had at least one good song.lol
9.If you where another person would YOU be friends with you? probably not. im a bitch!
10. Do you have a journal? an online one
11. Do you use sarcasm alot? damn right!
12. What are your nicknames? ness, nesser,nessie,v,bro,and the jersey devil.
13.Would you ever bungee jump? if i could find someone to go with me
14.Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? i dont tie half of them at all and the other half never get tied
15. Do you think that you are strong? sometimes
16.What is your favorite ice cream flavor? its called alpine something. vanilla bean ice cream with a coffee caramel swirl and expresso chocolate chips.mmmmm
17.Red or Pink? red
18.What is your least favorite thing about yourself? my neediness
19.What do you miss most? my booboo baby
20.What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? grey pants no shoes
21.What are you listening to right now? ummm austins watching the fairly odd parents. i hear it
22.Last thing you ate? cheese crackers
23. If you where a crayone what color would you be? evergreen
24. What is the weather like right now? its a beautiful day
25.Last person you talked to on the phone? randi
26.The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? eye color and lips
27. Do you like the person that sent this to you? Yup shes cool
28.Favorite drink? cherry vanilla dr.pepper
29.Favorite sport? booo
30. hair color? a dark brown with red highlights
31. Eye color? green
32.Do you wear contacts? No i wear glasses
33.Favorite food? steak and mashed potatoes
34.Last movie you watched? hmmi cant even remember
35.Favorite day of the year? august 2nd,my bday. its a holiday!!lol
36.Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings
37.Summer or winter? Summer
38.Hugs or kisses? hot kisses
39.What is your favorite dessert? Strawberry cheesecake but only if its in ny. if im not in ny and it says its from ny, i dont want it. they lie!!
40.Living arrangements? i live in this big empty house all alone. ok not alone but without jim
41.What books are you reading? just finished one called stroke of midnight. great book.
42.What on your mouse pad? dell
43.What did you watch last night on t.v.? charmed
44.Favorite smells? all 25 of my perfumes and the very sexy cologne for men. thats hot!
45.Favorite sounds? rain hitting the ceiling
46.Rolling Stones or Beattles? beatles
47.Whats the furthest youve been from home? arizona,my grammy lived there for awhile
48.Do you have a special talent? i can touch my tongue to my nose.lol

ok im not gonna tag anyone, but feel free to do it if you like!

sighhh

i really hate jims family. i mean like alot!! jims mom keeps coming here while i am at work. i dont know what shes doing while shes here, but i know shes here. i can tell by the way things are...and the babysitter spies for me as well. so i always know whats going on. it really pisses me off how im being watched. i hate being under surveillance. im not sure why the bitch keeps coming here, but its making me mad. i tried to CALMLY say something to jim about it, but it doesnt help. cuz of course he takes her damn side. dickhead.

im getting really tired of all this extra bullshit. i got enough damn stress without her looking over my damn back. bitch.

sigh..... ok so lets see. i dont think i have any other newsworthy news. sorry my posts are sucking lately but i dont have much to tell. jim will be home in 38 days. im very excited for lots of reasons.

1. i miss him so damn much
2. sex sex sex sex sex sex sex.hehe and more sex
3. he WILL be fixing this mess with his mother. i dont fucking want her here when im not here.

brb jims on the phone

now im very angry, and i dont feel like talking anymore

god i still feel yucky...

yea so i still feel like shit. not from drinking though. i think i have another damn cold. dammit all to hell.lol no big deal. just broke the chain of pattern. i usually only get one bad cold a year. and i already had one this year. guess its cuz im getting old. lol

well my body hurts in multiple places from falling out of the damn chair. and then procedding to walk into a damn door. i swear im stupid sometimes.

not much else going on. i feel ok. although i havent talked to jim in about 3 days. so ill probably be going crazy soon. what really sucks is that on thursday he leaves for california. and once he goes there, i wont be able to hear from him until he comes back home.

SO HERE IS THE WARNING:

dont be surprized if i start getting crazy again soon.

bc i believe it will be happening again. maybe not real soon,but guarenteed it will.

oooooo my head....

so yesterday i wake up and im sooooo sick. my throat is almost swollen shut, it hurts real bad,as does my head, and my ears too. i think to myself, fucking figures. first time i go out in 4 months and im gonna be sick and not able to go. but i took lots of meds and slept half the day away, and now i felt a lil bit better.

so we go out. me randi the hot boy and this guy mike. i made myslef look presentable, did makeup hair dressed up more than normal. this place sucked. it sucked bad. so i drank. alot. ALOTALOTALOT!!!! lol and you know i get alot bolder when i drink. so im flipping out on the hot boy cuz he bout ditched me. and mike is off hitting on some girl. randis drunk as hell trying to fight everyone that walks past.lol. i fell out of my chair, walked into a door, got lots of bruises,blah blah blah.


it was kinda fun. so i wake up today and my throat hurts more from all the yelling and screaming i did. my many bruise hurt. my head is fucking killing me and my eyeballs hurt when i go outside and that bright ass son shines on my face.

alcohol is bad....im not drinking anymore. at least not for another 4 months. going back to bed now.lol