a christmas in jersey

total of money for a roundtrip of tolls: $20

1/5 of vodka to keep from killing the family: $12

christmas full of "hardcore: family drama and "boozehead" :priceless


thank god xmas is over. i will not be traveling home for xmas for another few years. good thing my sister was there to save me. otherwise..i think i would have flung myself down the fucking stairs. good god.

ok well lets start from the day i drove there..i cant remember what i said about that..but im gonna say it again. the drive there was sorta bad. there was road work everywhere i went..so it delayed me a good bit. and by the time i got near my house there was rush hour traffic. took me four hours to get there. not too bad..but bleh. so i got there at the same time as my stepdad..so it was all excitable like. and he hates excitable..so it was interesting. i tried to talk him into going to this place called jose tejas..which makes really good mexican food. any other time i am there he wants to go. but not this day of course. so he says no..hes going out..blah blah. so i sent my sissy to go ask him. and she had no luck either. so then sissy wants to put up the tree. we ask him to get it out of the garage and it took him forever. then i had to listen to how i couldnt do it by myself like a hundred times and how we should wait for him to get back to do it. now he is the biggest scrooge ever so he kept trying to say how he should go to home depot and get one of those little 3 ft trees that come already lit so we didnt have to do this. sighhh...so then after fighting him forever he finally gave up. so then we told him we were hungry and he should order pizza. and at first he told me how i dont need to eat.. i will be ok. so i was pissed. but i let it go bc i knew there would be more to come. then he said how he would order pizza when he got back. well he is known for saying he will be back in an hour or two and be gone like 8. so i went ahead and ordered pizza. i told my sister watch when he comes home and sees i ordered pizza he will say oh well i was gonna take you to jose tejas. and sure enough he did. so i was mad again. anyway, so me and my sister and my son all fluffed and put the tree together. it looked pretty nice. we had just stuck the top of it on when my stepdad came home. and he was going on and on about how it took us forever and we shouldve just waited. then he picked on the way it looked. it was a little wobbly..lol..but i tried to get him to fix it for like 10 minutes before he left and he just ignored me..so wobbly it was. then he was like oh well we should just wait to put the decorations on. we put them on anyway. then he starteed lecturing me about drinking diet soda. and how it is crap. and that continued the whole damn weekend.

conversation between my sis and him

Dad: OMG who bought MORE soda?
sis: Dad you know I don't drink soda
Dad: This stuff is crap. She should just stop drinking it.
sis: Like I said dad, she's 25, she can drink whatever she wants.
Dad: No she can't
sis: Sorry to break it to you dad, but she can. And alcohol IS worse for you then soda, sorry.
Dad: No it's not
sis: Dad, people don't go to rehab from soda. People don't DIE over soda
Dad: No one dies over alcohol
sis: WHAT ABOUT MOM?
Dad: Well that's from EXCESSIVE drinking Ryan
sis: -points to everywhere in the kitchen- HELLO? -points to alcohol in his hand- What the hell is that?
Dad: Oh this is only my 3rd glass tonight
sis: Okay dad. You win.

yea..and i heard that kind of stuff over and over and over. good god. xmas eve wasnt very eventful. we made some cookies that my sissy kinda burnt..lol but only after she almost burnt the house down.lmao. i used to do the same damn thing..like weekly. we leave the pizza boxes in the oven when there is some left over. im not sure why..but anyway when she preheated the oven for the cookies she didnt know the box was in there. so it started smoking. lmmfao..and then my stepdad was like..oh well its all heated up for dinner.lol and it was too.

xmas day was its own special little treat..by now i had invested in some vodka bc i still had some days left to tolerate..lol and it was needed. well i woke up xmas morning and went to where austin was to watch him open gifts. he was a very happy camper and good god he got alot of stuff.lol then i went home and we did presents at the house. me and my sissy got all the same presents..except she got a camera and i didnt. i was crushed. i know xmas isnt supposed to be about the presents and all..but damn..i really wanted the camera. and i know he did all his shopping last minute. and he did know i wanted a camera. i didnt want one as extravagant as my sisters..just A camera. i almost cried. my sissy felt bad for me bc she knew how much i really wanted it, so she gave me some special braceltes. shes so sweet. in my fit of rage i went to go see my bestest friend and her normal family. and spent time with them for a bit. then i went back home and started drinking. i was miserable. well my sissy caught me drinking and she got mad at me. we had a small tiff. she went to her room..i went to mine. i was ready to leave and drive home right then. but i didnt. then we went to my aunt and uncles house..it was fun/funny there. my stepdad put back about 3 bottles of wine. all the while yelling at me for smoking and drinking soda and god whatever else he could. i was ready to scream. i finally told him to shutup already. him and his bro played guitar the whole time we were there. it got old really quick. me and ryan played checkers..which she whooped my ass...and candyland..we each one once..and tic tac toe..she whooped my ass some more.lol god i love her. anyway...the more wine he drank the more irritating he became. the ride home was the best. he kept saying the weather was brutal and the rain was hardcore..and really you had to be there..but it was funny as hell. me and ryan mocked him the whole way home.

monday morning as i was leaving he stopped me and told me how my family is made of small gened people and how i should be much skinnier then i am. he doesnt seem to notice i am thinner everytime i go home..so obviously i know what i am doping..but whatever..i was so ready to go. i am good on the family thing for awhile. well excpet my sissy..cuz i lurve her!!

ok now im gonna try and post some pics..lol



this is me and my sissy...lol my eyeballs are bugging out and she thinks she looks asian



my bibsy..hehe shes so cute!



she said i had to make a dumb face..lol



and this is my son austin

hope you all had a great xmas!!

merry xmas

greetings from nj.....sighhh.well i am hom. i had a it of a rough drive yeterday. lot of traffic. good thing i otout of work early. but it still took 4 hours. 4 stressfulhours. theni got here and i just beat my stepdad here. then he got here and we had a few nice minutes. i said doi look skinnier and he said yea..i dontthink heevenlooked. wow my typing looks rough. i am on a laptop im not good with these. so bear with me. nyway...so yea.. theni tried to get him to take the family out to this place called jose tejas and he was like ohhhh no we cant bc..blah blah bullshit.and then went out with some dude..whatever but before all that i said how i was hungry and he goes...well...you dont need to eat...wy do i even come here again? oooo yea y sissy..

im feeling down today. i mis jim...like alot..and i think between that and being around the stepdad is killing me slowly.but i guess its better then being alone. good thing i have my sister. my lil bibsyyy.haha i have tackled her a few times already. i should go do it again.lol anyway, imiss jim alot. andi hate that ihavent talked tohim and tomorrow is xmas. ts just not the same.


well imgonna go start drinkingnow. yup its about that time...apparently diet soda is gona kill me...ut liquor isnt..does thtmake sense to you? yea me either...i bought some vodka to keepme semi sane while i am here...i dunno what i was thinking. this ouse is like a liquor store...

merry xmas and ihope you ll survive the drinkingand family drama!!!

happy christmas

hello all my friends!!!

i havent heard from jim. and i guess i wont be. i am feeling kinda sad like. i really miss him alot. this will be the first year i didnt have him for xmas..and couldnt even talk to him. im having jim withdrawals. i think it is a good thing i am going home this year...otherwise i dont think i would survive it. i have alot of fun stuff planned for the almost 3 days i will be there. so i am hoping to be too busy to think sadly. sighh. i got all mys hit packed and my cd collection ready for what i think will be a very long drive there. im so psyched. i cant wait to see my sissy. she said they are even waiting for me to do the tree.. that makes me pretty happy!

tomorrow i go to jims parents to have xmas there...yay....thats all i have to say about that...

so yea..with that and leaving on friday..i wont be around here till at least monday..


so i hope you all have a wonderful xmas. and i hope santa is goos to you. eat alot of good stuff..beat up your sister...get drunk and merry..and all of that..lol

i will see you all monday..be safe!!

a thingy

hello all...not much new..talked to jim yesterday. we had a pretty good talk. unfortunatley it is shift change time now. and on this shift i dont get to talk to him. this makes me sad. like alot. especially with xmas coming and all. i guess it doesnt matter since for xmas he is on a vacation of sorts. to the green zone..whatever that is. i will only be able to talk to him on the weekends...well every weekend except for this one. sighhhh. he told me not to be sad bc shift change means we are another month closer to him coming home. i said i guess thats the good way to look at it..but...you know..i will miss him. alot!! :(

id like to give a special thanks to my big bro joe! he sent me a country cd that i made by special request. hehe..i told jim i was listening to country..haha

JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:49:14 PM): lol im listening to country
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:49:16 PM): hahahaha
jiminiraq2005 (4:49:20 PM): why
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:49:21 PM): you need to come home soon
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:49:25 PM): they have tainted me
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:49:30 PM): some of them are really funny
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:49:36 PM): all the drinking songs are funny as hell
jiminiraq2005 (4:49:43 PM): soem of what
jiminiraq2005 (4:49:49 PM): i lkew one
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:49:53 PM): some of the songs
jiminiraq2005 (4:49:54 PM): its
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:50:01 PM): its?
jiminiraq2005 (4:50:10 PM): hank why do you drink to get drunk
jiminiraq2005 (4:50:17 PM): why do you roll smoke
jiminiraq2005 (4:50:19 PM): to gety high
jiminiraq2005 (4:50:25 PM): you know
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:50:25 PM): yea i dunno that one
jiminiraq2005 (4:50:32 PM): hank williams
jiminiraq2005 (4:50:35 PM): jr i think
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:50:43 PM): im jammin to a song called 10 rounds of jose cuervo
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:50:59 PM): next is tequila makes her clothes come off
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:51:03 PM): hehe i love that one
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:51:08 PM): ohh
jiminiraq2005 (4:51:25 PM): thats the only one i like at all
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:51:29 PM): i sent you one
jiminiraq2005 (4:51:31 PM): its the onlty one i know
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:51:33 PM): you wont know its country
jiminiraq2005 (4:51:36 PM): you are a redneck
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:51:40 PM): but its a beautiful song
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:51:44 PM): wow
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:51:48 PM): you arent very nice to me
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:51:50 PM): fucker
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:51:53 PM): im not a redneck
jiminiraq2005 (4:51:56 PM): what
jiminiraq2005 (4:52:05 PM): you like nig truvks mud and country
jiminiraq2005 (4:52:11 PM): big trucks
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:52:11 PM): mud?
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:52:13 PM): i hate mud
jiminiraq2005 (4:52:29 PM): yea right you like being dirty
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:52:33 PM): not in mud
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:52:40 PM): i wanna be dirty
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:52:44 PM): you need to come home
jiminiraq2005 (4:52:46 PM): see
jiminiraq2005 (4:53:04 PM): you want to be dirty you wqant a truck
jiminiraq2005 (4:53:11 PM): and you listen to country
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (4:53:16 PM): whatever
jiminiraq2005 (4:53:23 PM): whatever first

haha..anyway..i stole this from joe. he tagged me for something i did a very long time ago..so i took this one instead..

1. Eggnog or hot chocolate? Eggnog
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just leave them under the tree? Wraps most of them..but the big ones arent always wrapped
3. Colored lights on house and tree? colored on the tree, and white and colored on the house
4. Do you hang mistletoe? i did once
5. When do you put decorations up? lol..whenever i get the energy..mine just went up last thursday
6. Your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? mashed potatoes with lots of gravy
7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? having an m&m fight with my cousins
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? when i was 5 i caught my parents setting out the toys
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas eve? normally i would..but jim doesnt beleive in it
10. What kind of cookies does Santa get set out for him? whatever..he's not picky
11. Snow, Love it or dread it? i loved it when i was a kid..now i hate it
12. Can you ice skate? nope and i grew up in a house on the lake..lol
13. Do you rmember your favorite gift? there were alot of favorites
14. What's the most important thing about the holidays for you? getting home to see my family..and i finally will this year
15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Pumpkin pie with lots of cool whip
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? putting the baby balls on the tree
17. What tops your tree? Nothing right now
18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Giving.
19. What is your favorite Christmas Carol? grandma got run over by a reindeer..lmao..but i have found 2 country xmas songs that are good...one is called rusty chevrolet and the other is something about cookie..haha..but my fave realllll xmas song is the one john lennon does..happy xmas
20. Candy canes, yucky or yummy? Yummy if they are flavored..icky if not

3 more days to jersey..well 2 full ones...im am so friggin excited!!

what a day

yea so yesterday was an interesting day. yea so i got up on and off from 3am till about 6 when i said fuck it and got up. so i got motivated to clean this dump.lol bc god knows the second im not in the house sue will be here a snooping. so gotta make it sparkle.

then i called randi at about 10..god the day seemed to have been like forever by then. and the guy that lives at her house answered and said she never came home. hmmmm....this is not a good thing. that means she picked some loser to sleep with. sigh. so i call her cell, and in my cheery i-know-you-did-something-bad voice..i say whats up ran? and shes all...hey..heyyy vanessa. (sounding guilty) so then i say...well ran..where were you last night that you never made it home? and shes like..hehe..ummm..well its not important. which means that she slept with the biggest loser of them all. this man is psycho and obsessed with her. so she sleeps with him. shes so stupid...

well anyway i went to her house to lecture her and get some money from her. and the guy that lives there is there with his girlfriend. then we all ganged up on her...lmao..and found she had hickeys..lmao. after that i went to the dollar store. i love the dollar store.lol so i got a ton of shit and then went to the food store and got a bunch more shit.lol and then i had to come home and put it all away..then i started laundry and cleaned some more..then i got lazy and laid around.lol

well then my sissy came on and i told her about me and jim kinda spatting..and then me and her had a huge fight bc im an idiot. sometimes i am really stupid and just blurt shit out..well while fighting with her...and it got ugly..jim came on. and of course he wants to know whats going on..bc i am all pissy...and i told him i didnt wanna talk about it..but he kept pushing..so i told him.. then he starts yelling at me..my sister signed off..and im like fucking christ. so i told jim i dont need this right now and then i go and call my sissy.

and that was probably the most god awful experience in my life. ok well one of them. she was crying her little eyeballs out. and it was my fault. and it made me feel so shitty. i felt like shit on someones shoe. i started crying too. i hate that i made her cry. im an asshole. and after about 10 emotional minutes....it was all better. then i come back up on here, and fight with jim bc he doesnt like anyone knowing his business...are you fucking kidding me..it barely had anything to do with him. but he apologized and said hes been very angry lately and he was sorry.

so after all that stress..i went and got intoxicated...yayyyy.lol and came home told my sissy i love her and passed out. woke up at 6am. ewwww...and now i am helping jim play name that tune for the 25 cds i sent him. fun fun fun.

5 days till jersey...what whatttt!lol

blahh

it is 7am and i am actually awake. something very wrong with this picture. sighhh...so anyway i have been off from work since weds. and i am so bored. lol thats the only problem with having alot of time off..i get restless. i mean there is stuff i could be doing....but i dont want to do that.lol un fortunately i need to clean the house at some point. i leave for nj in 6 days and god knows the second im not here sue will be here snooping. so at least the house will be clean...nosy bitch.

i talked to jim on the election day...so he is alive and well. which makes me happy. the other day i made the mistake of asking jim what qualities his perfect girl would consist of. and he said me without the meaness...well then i pushed and asked if he meant that or just said it to avoid a fight. and then he said i could lose some weight. i stared at this comp screen for about 5 minutes before i could say ok goodnight.lol i was so pissed. apparently the fact that i ve been trying does count. the fact that i already lost 50lbs..pshhh who cares. fucker. he said i dont look the same as when we met. well shit he doesnt either. and i made sure to let him know..he aint thin either. then i asked what the erfect weight would be and he said he didnt knomw. and i said like my sister and hes like yea. sighhh...i hate men

laddy dahhh

ok so it is 9:11am. and i am at home. see the funny thing is that today and tomorrow is inventory. now when they had the paper up, they asked for "volunteers". now i didnt volunteer. but see they didnt put the fact that if you didnt volunteer...you wouldnt be allowed to come in at all. fuckers. whatever. its supposed to snow anyway.

so one week from tomorrow i will be in nj!! yayyyyyyyy! im so excited. you know what really irritates me..is that people steady pick on jersey. and that pisses me off. everytime i think that i have heard it all..i hear something new. the other day someone said Zoo jersey. and had a bunch of other shit. so i was irritated. then yesterday this moron at work said something about he heard girls from jersey were trashy. and then he goes, but i dont think they are trash...trash gets picked up. i dont get it. lol but i kicked his ass.lol i found a tshirt made by jersey peeps and it says welcome to new jersey, the garden state. and then underneath it it says...yea...we dont like you either. lmmfao. i need to get it. haha..fuckers

me and jim have had a good couple of talks. i didnt talk to him last night. but the days before were great. i was full of love and we got along good. heres some snippets. lol i know how you guys love snippets. maybe thats why some of you dont visit anymore...lol j/k i know that everyone is busy bc of the fact that xmas is coming. anywhere here is some love.

jiminiraq2005 (8:18:32 PM): i love you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (8:18:38 PM): i love you
jiminiraq2005 (8:18:43 PM): love you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (8:18:48 PM): love you
jiminiraq2005 (8:18:52 PM): love you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (8:18:58 PM): love you too
jiminiraq2005 (8:19:06 PM): thats good
jiminiraq2005 (7:30:24 PM): i love you forever and ever'

JeRzEeGrLiNmD (7:07:47 PM): i miss you so much
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (7:07:54 PM): i just wanna love you
jiminiraq2005 (7:07:57 PM): i miss you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (7:08:00 PM): i know
jiminiraq2005 (7:08:05 PM): i want you to too

JeRzEeGrLiNmD (6:41:13 PM): what would your perfect girlfriend be? like what qualities would she have
jiminiraq2005 (6:41:48 PM): just lije you
jiminiraq2005 (6:41:54 PM): minus the mean
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (6:42:08 PM): really? you think i am perfect when i am nice?
jiminiraq2005 (6:42:53 PM): yea
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (6:43:00 PM): awwww
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (6:43:05 PM): thats so sweet
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (6:43:19 PM): but i just want to point out
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (6:43:35 PM): that in the very beginning..you told me had i not been a bitch you would never have talked to me
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (6:43:49 PM): just to justify a little bit of my meaness
jiminiraq2005 (6:43:59 PM): ok
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (6:44:09 PM): but thank you baby for saying i am the perfect girlfriend when im not psychotic
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (6:44:12 PM): i love you
jiminiraq2005 (6:44:24 PM): love you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (6:44:29 PM): im so happy
jiminiraq2005 (6:44:36 PM): good
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (6:44:37 PM): i wish i could squeeze you
jiminiraq2005 (6:44:43 PM): me too
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (6:44:51 PM): you in need of a good hug?
jiminiraq2005 (6:45:28 PM): yea
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (6:45:36 PM): awwww
JeRzEeGrLiNmD (6:45:42 PM): i really wish i could give it to you
jiminiraq2005 (6:45:49 PM): me too

ok and remember everyone to pray! thanks

please help me...

hello all. i know some of you follow this war stuff as it is hard not to. but if not..this week is the elections in iraq. it is a very important thing to the troops coming home early. so i ask all of you to please pray that all goes well so jim can come home soon. this also includes that hopefully the bad guys dont go completely beserk and kill a lot of people..thus also insuring my love comes home. i would greatly aprreciate it. you know how much he means to me as well as his friends and of course all of the troops.


other than that i have no witty sarcastic stories to tell. life is dull.lol although that guy at work that told me to fuck off the other day...i told him if he ever said that to me again i would knock him the fuck out. and i know he knows im serious bc he looked kinda scurt!lol

holy shit am i bored

good god i am so bored. i think all i have really done this weekend is sleep. lol i cant say i have done much else. blah blah blah.lol i forgot to tell you yesterday about my snow day. i was just so damn depressed i couldnt think.


so it snowed..you know the day after i worked 18 hours. well for some reason i got up at like 8 or something after going to bed at like 2. i woke up feeling dead. but i couldnt seem to go back to sleep. then i came on here and posted..

anyway, i decided i wanted mcdonalds..but i had to go to the bank. i was feeling antsy and decided to brave the snow. so out we were to go. there wasnt that much snow on the ground..but these dumb motherfuckers keep parking right at the end of my driveway. so the snow plow guys have to go around the stupid cars. which means all the snow goes in my driveway. well...dumbass i am... i go thinking i can make it out of the driveway..yea...no.lol i went down the driveway fine...till the very end where the snow plow left the other snow. i had snow from the ground to the top of the underneath of my car. i was stuck. now austin was stitting in the car laughing his ass off at me as i shoveled underneath the car. so i would shovel a bunch..and then try to get out. and i was still stuck. did this for about a half hour. then some nice neighbors came over and helped push me out. austin tried to act like he wasnt still laughing..but i knew better. lol then we went to happy harrys bc breakfast was over at mcdonalds..dammit...and got a ton of junk food. lol

then me and jim fought and i went to randis..and that was bout it. yesterday i went to randis for a little and played with a little baby. god i love babies. i can tell pms is coming to kick my ass..bc of all the drama with jim. and the fact i asked him if we could make babies when he gets home. when i know i DO NOT want anymore babies!!

anyway, thats bout it. now im being bored. waiting for my lover to come on. he wasnt on last night..but im hoping he will be today

and i heard him say....

hello hello. well it seems i have lost my damn mind. me and jim didnt fight yesterday..exactly. but it wasnt a great talk. im starting to think that im not good for him over there. i beleive that the reasons we fight is me. he is so angry and stuff and just says shitty things and sometimes i cant hold back although i know inside i need to.

JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i just dont feel the damn love
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i need to go smoke
jiminiraq2005: sorry
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ill brb
jiminiraq2005: why
jiminiraq2005: no
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: bc im so mad
jiminiraq2005: dont go
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: god
jiminiraq2005: god
jiminiraq2005: and
jiminiraq2005: ok
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i dont wanna talk to you anymore if this is how its gonna be all the time
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: it does nothing good for either of us
jiminiraq2005: ok
jiminiraq2005: how can it be fixed
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i dont know anymore
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im feeling like it will never be fixed
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i love you so much and i dont want to fight with you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but it seems like thats all that happens
jiminiraq2005: it is
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and it kills me
jiminiraq2005: me too
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: do you think we shouldnt be together anymore?
jiminiraq2005: why so you sask me what do you think
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: no you answer me first
jiminiraq2005: you answer me
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: sometimes i feel like we shouldnt be together
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but i love you too much to let you go
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: id rather fight every day with you then never have you at all
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: if that makes sense
jiminiraq2005: i dont liek fighting
jiminiraq2005: i love you too
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: so you would rather not have me?
jiminiraq2005: i dont know
jiminiraq2005: i love you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i love you too
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but would you rather not have me then fight with me?
jiminiraq2005: i dont knwo
jiminiraq2005: what do you think
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: its not what i think jim
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i want you to tell me what you think
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i answered my part
jiminiraq2005: so did i
jiminiraq2005: what do you think
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: no you didnt
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you just said you love me
jiminiraq2005: yes then you asked another question involving my answer
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ok so you would rather not have me?
jiminiraq2005: see i said
jiminiraq2005: i love you
jiminiraq2005: i dont like fighting
jiminiraq2005: ythen you asked
jiminiraq2005: would you rather not hve me then figt
jiminiraq2005: waht do you think
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: that you think the same as me?
jiminiraq2005: yea
jiminiraq2005: so what do you think
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: baby i started this conversation
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i already said what i think
jiminiraq2005: ok
jiminiraq2005: so did i
jiminiraq2005: then you asked anotherr questuion
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: dammit
jiminiraq2005: so asked you what you think again
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i love you so much and i know we have a godd thing
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: do you think we do?
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: like under normal circumstances?
jiminiraq2005: ea
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: like if you were home would you think so badly of us together?
jiminiraq2005: i think you hete that i dont have time to think
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i knew the very first time i saw you that i wanted to be with you
jiminiraq2005: i have to stay a liv eso i can get home
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i know i want to be with you forever
jiminiraq2005: i know you were pesistant
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: before we were even us i knew i loved you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i would forever
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i mean it
jiminiraq2005: ok
jiminiraq2005: you hate that i amnot always thinking about you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: is me being persistent the only thing i had going for me beside my tits
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i do
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but i understand that you cant
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i really do even though it doesnt seem that way
jiminiraq2005: and that what starts fights
jiminiraq2005: you put me on the spot to anser auestions i dont think about
jiminiraq2005: and then get mad when i cant answer them
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but love
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: it shouldnt be that hard to answer some of them
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: it really shouldnt
jiminiraq2005: ok
jiminiraq2005: im sorry
jiminiraq2005: i an
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i know
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i guess you are right
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: it kills me that it seems like you never think of me
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and all i do is think of you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: maybe we shouldnt talk anymore
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i dont want to be the reason you get hurt
jiminiraq2005: thats funy
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i dont want to be what your parents said i would be
jiminiraq2005: for some reason
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: whats funny
jiminiraq2005: you saying we shouldnt talk
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: why?
jiminiraq2005: i dont knwo i smerked a liitle
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: well it shouldnt have made you laugh
jiminiraq2005: sorry
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: are you laughing bc you think im not serious?
jiminiraq2005: yea
jiminiraq2005: about he no more talking
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i dont want to stress you out so much that you get hurt
jiminiraq2005: ok
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but it seems like thats all im good for
jiminiraq2005: i wont i know the diffence from this and working
jiminiraq2005: when i go out its gotime
jiminiraq2005: the only time we have bad days is when we dont have anything to talk about
jiminiraq2005: are you ther
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im here
jiminiraq2005: what are you doing
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im just staring at the screen
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i want you home
jiminiraq2005: i though you wernt upset
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i dont know what i am
jiminiraq2005: i think youare tiered
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: no
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im tired of being alone
jiminiraq2005: you need soem dick
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and im tired of the computer
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and oo yea i need that
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: definitely need that
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but i need some love
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i really think that is my problem
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i cant love you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i know you arent a romantic person
jiminiraq2005: i cant help you sorry
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i know you dont say sweet things
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i know all this
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but when you are here
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i can feel it
jiminiraq2005: if me and you werent me and you you could do what youa want


and it just goes on and on...sighhhh

have i said lately i hate bush? bc i really fucking do. i dopnt know how much more i can take. i just want him home with me.

JeRzEeGrLiNmD: why are you always trying to break up with me?
jiminiraq2005: so you arnt like this
jiminiraq2005: cause i dont liek being resposable for you bsing like this
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: baby do you really think i would be happier if i wasnt with you?
jiminiraq2005: i dont know
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: all i want is you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: noone else will ever be to me what you are
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: if i cant have you i dont want anyone
jiminiraq2005: ok
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: please dont ever say that to me again

sigh

woooooooeeeeeeee

good morning boys and girls. it is 8:05am and im at home. horrayyyyyy. i pulled an 18 hour shift yesterday so i wouldnt have to work today. and its a good thing too bc it is very snowy and crpa outside. i hate snow. alot. lol

i came home last night and i was BEAT!!!! and i satayed up till about2ish and i can't beleive i am awake..but i plan on going to bed very soon.again.hahaha

me and jim had a rough day the other day. i hate him being there. he is so angry these days. he cursed at me and upset me very much. he doesnt ever curse at me. he said f you to me. i cried my eyeballs out. he has nevr said that to me. i didnt like it at all. he said all i do is pick fights and blah blah blah. but whatever. i dont wanna talk about that. then i go into work yesterday and this other guy cursed at me. he told me to f off. i was like motherfucker.......so i played a girl in distress and got him in trouble and he was forced to come apologize to me. i didnt say anything to him. so then he was mad. hehe asshole. wait till i tell jim some dude cursed at me. he will be mad. lol. oh well

today will be well spent eating junk food and playing video games with my son. wooooooo-weeeeee.lol i suppose i may have to shovel too. but my body is too wore out from my double last night so i dont think i will today....yea...we will go with that.lmao

i will be around to visit you all today....and with that some sweet jim words....


jiminiraq2005: i love y9u
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i love you
jiminiraq2005: i love you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i love you
jiminiraq2005: no no
jiminiraq2005: i love you


JeRzEeGrLiNmD: jim
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: tell me one thing nice right now
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: one thing that you love about me that you miss the most
jiminiraq2005: your eyes
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: why my eyes?
jiminiraq2005: looking at me


and then it all went to hell. i didnt get to talk to him yesterday. but he left me to messages. none of which said sorry. sighh

14 days till i go to jersey!!!! wooohoooooo

hello all

dammit it didnt snow nearly as much as they said it was gonna. dammit all to hell. now i have to go to work. late...but still.

anyway, not much else to report. jim finally got my box that i sent him with those pictures in it.lol heres some bits and pieces of our chat.

JeRzEeGrLiNmD: did the box still smell like me?
jiminiraq2005: my area still smells
jiminiraq2005: i like
jiminiraq2005: we all like
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lmao
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im glad i could make everyone happy
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: it wasnt too strong?
jiminiraq2005: it wasnt strong enough
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: well damn
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: that little teddy bear was covered in it. i sprayed the hell out of it
jiminiraq2005: me and bierman sleep in the sme area and it smells like a girl is living here
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lol is that good?
jiminiraq2005: its great
jiminiraq2005: i loved your pictures they were sexy
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im so glad
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: yesss


then we were talking about the pics i sent him...the naughty ones..hehe

JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ok which one do you think i look pretty in...you know not worrying about titties and ass
jiminiraq2005: i liek all of them love
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you think i look pretty in all of them?
jiminiraq2005: yea pretty much
jiminiraq2005: i lliek all of them you look good in all of them
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: :-*
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: well thanks baby
jiminiraq2005: quincy just seen them he said
jiminiraq2005: i have to leave i shouldnt be thinking these thoughts about your girlfriend


lol and then a chat on the new angry jim

JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you know im thinking maybe when you come out we shouldnt go out drinking for a little while
jiminiraq2005: yea right
jiminiraq2005: ill be an alcoholic
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you can be an alchie love
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but we should stay home and drink
jiminiraq2005: we will see
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: baby at the rate im going dropping weight
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im gonna be hot when you get home
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i am scared to go out and some dude comes up on me
jiminiraq2005: ok
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and you flip a shit
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and get arrested
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: that wouldnt be good
jiminiraq2005: it would be fun
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: no
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: it would not
jiminiraq2005: for me
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: no love
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: we cant be having that
jiminiraq2005: ok
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: what if some dude comes up on me and slaps my ass
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: which i must say is looking good these days
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: what would you do?
jiminiraq2005: we will ahve to see
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: what do you think would happen
jiminiraq2005: ill slap the shit out of him


lol i love him soo much

owwwwwwwww

ok first off i would like to say if you havent already read the last two posts please do so as they are important to me!! k thanks.lol ;)

now on to today.....owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. so last night was a drinking night. i went to randis earlier in the day as she was having a bday party for her daughter. all the other kids parents came and dropped their kids off and left. so i was like..damn right im going to. i felt like dying my hair bc these grey hairs are killing me. im only 25 and i have all this damn grey hair. pisses me off. so i went to go get some hair dye. now i always dye my hair a reddish tint. if i am gonna dye my hair and ruin it, its gonna be a cool color not my own.lol so i did chocolate cherry. which is an old favorite. anyway, so i did that and god it looks so great. i forgot how nice it looks on me. anyway, so in the process of doing all this i was jamming and shaking my ass. woohooooo.lol and i was like...oh austin is going to grammas tonight bc i am gonna get drunk as hell and shake my ass!! so after i blow dried my hair and did make up and i was a hot momma, i went to pick up austin. and i told randi i was gonna take austin to grammas and she was like ok well i will take jessa to her grans. and we did so. randi wasnt really feeling the whole drinking and dancing thing but thats bc she is a true alchie. she drinks every damn day. but i danced my ass off! my whole body is sore. but hey i know i got a good workout.

when i first turned 21 we went clubbing every thursday friday and sat. and danced our asses off. and i would have to say that was the best shape i have ever been in. everyone told me i would get fat going out drinking so much but i lost a lot of weight and i was all toned. i am a good dancer. full of energy and i dont ever stop. lol i dance song after song after song. lol

yea but i hurt today. my abs are the most sore. and my thighs a little. but this is a good thing!!

sorry

sorry my loves. i know i have been neglecting you all. but there really hasnt been much going on to write about. and lately i dont have much time to actually read all of your blogs. i stop in when i can. jim is on a new shift which means as soon as i get home i talk to him until about 7 30 at night juggling dinner and homework and a shower in there too. by the time i get done with him i have shows on tv and the weekedns now that xmas is coming are busy as hell. but once the holiday passes i promise to be more attentive.

yesterday was austins birthday. he turned 7. holy shit where does the time go. 7 years ago yesterday i was in labor..all by myself....talking on the phone for 3 hours and then he came out. i was newly 18 and i lived in florida while all my family lived in nj. but it was an interesting experience. lol. we had a small little party here last night for him. he was happy with the results.

had a little chat with jim the other day that made me happy

JeRzEeGrLiNmD: yea so the army thing....
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i would really love it if you dont re enlist
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i know you want that money
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but is it worth it?
jiminiraq2005: im still listening
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im asking you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: is it worth it
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: just for the money?
jiminiraq2005: i dont knwo
jiminiraq2005: not really
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i dont wanna be an army girlfriend anymore
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: it doesnt do anything good for us
jiminiraq2005: its only 15000 dollars
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: yea but last time you were like..well it is 15000 dollars thats half a car
jiminiraq2005: over 6 years its not alot
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: nope
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i would really like to spend alot more time with you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: on a regular basis
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: not in between deployments
jiminiraq2005: i know
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i would really love it if that was important to you too
jiminiraq2005: it is
jiminiraq2005: want you to be hapy
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i want you to be happy too lover.. i know it doesnt sound that way
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but i know for me.... i cant do it again
jiminiraq2005: i knwo
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im not capable of waiting again
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you are my glue
jiminiraq2005: you said that be fore look at you now
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: what do you mean?
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: like bc i am waiting?
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: yea..but this is not fun..i dont like it..
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: every night i go to bed and tell god and my mom to keep you safe
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i hate it
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you should be next to me
jiminiraq2005: you said you souldnednt do it agaion look at you now
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ok well i really dont think i can do it again
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i dont want to
jiminiraq2005: ok
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: does that influence you at all?
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: like i mean like..does that..damn i dont know the words i want
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i love that you love army
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but i hate army
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i hate that you are unsafe
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i hate being away from you
jiminiraq2005: i am safe
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and i hate how it feels like all we do is fight everytime you go away
jiminiraq2005: and im with you in spirits
jiminiraq2005: if there is a thing like spirits
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lol
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i know what you mean
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but i dont want spirits
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i want like body
jiminiraq2005: i can cut off my arm and send it home and you can snuggle with that
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ewww
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lol such a smart ass
jiminiraq2005: thata body
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: if you are gonna cut something off give me something useful
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ;-)
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lol
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im serious though baby
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im ready for us to start our life together
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: without interuptions
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: i would like to do that when you get back
jiminiraq2005: ok
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: ok like yes? or ok like you hear me?
jiminiraq2005: i hear you and that is probably a good guess on what is going to happen
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: so is it like a good guess like i can get excited?
jiminiraq2005: why do youneed to get exicted
jiminiraq2005: i have not made my mind up
jiminiraq2005: but
jiminiraq2005: im leaning tords being done



i know i shouldnt get excited....and maybe it seems wrong to some of you...but you arent me..and you arent living like i am now. so no lectures please.

i love my baby!