lets clear the air..

now every now and then i have to explain things to people. and im not being bitchy, im just saying. i know how it looks when i talk about jim. it may seem like all we do is fight. but again you have to know that my side is all you hear. i dont ever really talk about all the good things that happen. i just bitch. which is basically why i have this journal. but you should all know that i love jim with every inch of me. i would NEVER leave jim. unless he hit me or cheated on me and i knew it was true. me and jim are perfect for each other. we are just about the same person. we do not ever fight. its more like i bitch and he answers. we've only ever had one real fight. so no more telling me not to wait for jim, or find a sex buddy kind of stuff bc it wont happen. i love jim and he loves me back. alot. this is the last time i will address this. i know this sounds bitchy..but it kinda brings me down a bit when people say negative things. especially when you dont really know the whole story. ya know? and also you have to think about the fact that he is in the middle of a war zone. if it were you, you wouldnt be all that pleasant either. like i said im not saying it to be bitchy..but you have to understand how it is to me. its not easy to wait so faithfully for someone you love when people are kinda like spreading negativity. not that it would ever make me not wait for him.

jim is my heart my world my life and soul. nothing really will change that. ill wait forever if i have to. bc he is that good to me. noone will ever love me like he does. and ill never love anybody but him!!

:edit: i decided to write more. im gonna try and stay up a little later bc for some odd reason i keep waking up at 1:15 am every damn night. and i dont wanna do this anymore.

so today i went to the gas station and saw this guy i used to date that is obsessed with me for some reason. i have been a real big bitch evertime i see him but he never gives up. i tired to go in without him seeing me but its like he has vanessa radar. so as im trying to sneak in the store and hes at the pump i hear...VANESSAAAAAA and im like fuck. i throw up an arm and run inside. this motherfucker is waiting for me in the damn parking lot. sighh. he asked if my man was home yet. i said nope. he said so what are you doing. i said going home and got in my car and left and hoped like hell he wouldnt follow me home. loser. got the puddy once..he sucked..i made him stop in the middle of it it was so bad..and i was on e!! and hes still obsessed. god..

in other things that irritated me today.. i talked to jims mom. sighh. this woman hates me. i dunno why. its not like it just occured..its like a forever thing. from the very beginning. i think she thinks jim will get over me. anyway, i had said something about me and jims anniversary coming and how weve been together for four years and how jim had made a joke saying seems like it was only 2. and how i said thats bc thats all youve been here for. and she said nothing but . mmmmm well.. wtf is that? can anyone else see how i am trying here?!!? she kills me. and i was thinking today, you know when jim finally comes home itll be time for all the summer holiday bbqs. his parents invited me to none of them this year. not one. now when he comes home ill be expected to attend them all. and i aint fucking going. and when jim says well what am i supposed to tell them..im gonna say i wasnt good enough last year...i aint fucking going. its weird bc they will make a big deal about me not going. like its a sign of disrespect..but its also a sign of disrespect to me that they didnt invite me this year. when he was gone the last time i was invited. i hate this family..sighhhh

thank you..lol

better post tomorrow. csi is coming on and i cant miss my man warrick.lol

AND WHAT!?! lol

so i talked to my lover yesterday. i finally got him to download instant messenger. we had an ok chat. i guess it wasnt really bad. we had our argument about his re-enlisting. i told him i dont wanna do this anymore. he asked if i was making him choose. and i said no. but i wasnt doing anymore deployments. where he then said well there is a new rule that deployments were only 9 months long now. and i said i dont care. im not doing it again. i hate being alone. i fucking hate it. i hate not being able to touch him and love him and kiss him when i wanna. sighhh. but i put that to rest and this was the end of our chat...well first another part so you can see how hes a smart ass.lol


JeRzEeGrLiNmD: weve been together almost 4 years
jiminiraq2005: really that long lol
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: and 20 months out of those 4 years you havent even been here
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lol yes love
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: doesnt seem like it does it
jiminiraq2005: i was thinking like two
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: shutup
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: dont even tell me you are serious
jiminiraq2005: but if you say 4 than ok
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im gonna cry
jiminiraq2005: why
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: bc you said that
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: punk
jiminiraq2005: said what
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you know damn well its been more than two
jiminiraq2005: thats why there was a lol at the end
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: such a punk
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you missed the whole point
jiminiraq2005: i got it but
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but what?
jiminiraq2005: head
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lol your dumb
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im trying to be serious
jiminiraq2005: i know and i dont want you to be sad
jiminiraq2005: so im joking
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you keep telling me how weve got forever to be together and we do..but only if you arent in the army
jiminiraq2005: ill be done in 14 years
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: im not sad..im just stressed and lonely and i wanna have sex and i wanna kiss you and sleep with you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: oh no
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: no no no no
jiminiraq2005: what
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: no 14 years
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: are you serious?
jiminiraq2005: what?
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: honey now is not the time to play dumb
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you know what
jiminiraq2005: lol

such a punk..lol and heres the good part

jiminiraq2005: i love you ness talk to you later
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: awww you called me ness
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: oh im gonna cry
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: lol
jiminiraq2005: dont aww me
jiminiraq2005: dont cry
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: happy cry
jiminiraq2005: allright i love you
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you never call me ness
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: :-D
jiminiraq2005: sweeet dreams
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: sweet dreams baby i love you forever and ever
jiminiraq2005: dont let the bed bugs bite
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: you either
jiminiraq2005: and ever
jiminiraq2005: i have to wach out for them
jiminiraq2005: they got my back a couple of times
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: eww
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: really?
jiminiraq2005: yeah
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: gross
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: see all the more reason you need to be here with me
jiminiraq2005: then the ness bugs would bite me
JeRzEeGrLiNmD: but at least the ness bugs will kiss it better

hehe i love that he called me ness. he enver calls me that. ive been telling him for years that noone calls me vanessa. only strangers or aquaintances. everyone calls me ness nessa nesser nessie or something like that. its funny everytime he goes somewhere he calls me something. in bosnia he called me baby. in mississippi he called me love. and now i am ness..well love too. lol

god i miss him

haters they gonna hate

It kills me how much people can hate on things in your life. It really does. I wonder if one day people will just back off of me and Jim. And maybe feel happiness for us instead of bringing negativity. sighhhh. I am tired of people being down on Jim and down on me as well. I am tired of the haters and the people who are so jealous. It seems everyone has something to say. I actually called my bestest friend last night Gio. I called her and told her I wanted her opinion as an outsider not a best friend. Iasked if when she sees me and Jim if she sees love. She said oh yea that there is tons of love. I then asked her if she thought I was strong enough to survive this time. And again she said yes. Then she got all mad. lol And was like whos giving you shit Vanessa? And i had to laugh. I told her some people were saying that Jim just keeps me waiting for him for a piece of ass and others saying how if you take the sex away we have no relationship. And she said the same thing, if it was just sex why would we be together now. Because noone is getting any sex now. She even called up her man and asked him what he thought. He said the same thing. They think that randi is just jealous and secretly wants Jim. They say she is always flirty with him and they cant understand how I can just allow it. I said..well first of all she can flirt all she wants bc Jim would NEVER mess with her. NEVER!! And I said the flirting doesnt really bother me much. its not a big deal. I mean with certain other girls its a big deal. But not her. I dunno how to explain it.

What i really hate is how much worrying and questioning i am doing. If he were home i wouldnt be this insecure. There has been haters since the very beginning. People who thought Jim and I wouldnt last a month. We showed them and we'll show everyone else too!! sighh

like sand through the hourglass

these are the days of our lives...lol. it sounded better than im an asshole. plus i believe ive used that one a few times already. so today at work i may have started some drama. hehe and no i dont feel sorry about it. if that changes your opinion of me..then it changes it. i dont care. i do not pretend to be anything i am not. so there.lol

today at work we had what is called a focus group meeting. this is where you take one person from each dept. and they go in and give suggestions to help things along. so they say. but really its a big bitch fest. i was chosen bc i am the best person to be vocal about these things. which is true. but the big boss runs these meetings and i felt nervous. and when i get nervous i turn beet red.lol ears and all. im not sure why.. i guess its the feeling of pressure to do a good job representing my dept. whatever. so i did my good job. now in doing this alot of the others bitched a whole lot about my supervisor. i laughed my ass off about this bc it is all true stuff. and it was great to hear others bitch about my thoughts exactly. BUT her bf was in there too so there isnt a whole lot i could actually say without it getting back to her. which i dont really care if it did..but shes the bosses pet. so when she comes and gets in my face and screaming..i am liable to hit her. i do not like when people get in my face and bitch. pisses me off to no end. brings me back to my childhood and i dont like going there. anyway. so everyone was bitching it was a really funny meeting.lol. well when it was over she asked how it had went. so i told her. and i told her most of the things that were said. she was super pissed that everyone was bitching about her. and the best part was she was having a good day before that. now the reason this is really funny to me is bc when i was super pissed last friday she was irritatingly cheery and it made my mood worse. plus all the shit said was true. she thinks bc she is the bosses pet she can not do a damn thing and get away with it. and do a ton of other shit that we arent allowed to do and get away with it. so there is now some drama. oops..lol

in other news..yesterday was my mommy's bday. she would have been 43 years old. it sucks that she isnt here bc i miss her alot. but i believe she is up in heaven living a much better life then she did here. i beleive she watches over me and my sissy and bro. and austin too. and jim as well. i pray every night and tell her to keep my babies safe. which is the before said. i believe that she is the reason jim is still alive and doing well. and that he survived the last deployment. i beleive that she is the reason why my sissy lived after what i like to call her awakening. i belive she is the reason my car hasnt fallen apart and killed us yet as well. but i miss her. i miss calling her every day and telling her things going on in my life. i miss talking to her about jim. i miss talking to her about my sissy. and remembering funny stories and feeling that whole mother daughter bond. i hate that my sister didnt get to fell that and i hate that it took so long for us to get to where we were and then she passed. i have so much hate as far as those things when it comes to her. and i hate the fact that i got through yesterday like it was any old day. my moms sister called to see if i was doing alright and i said yea. but in truth i just pretend that she is just far away and unreachable. i know i shouldnt let myself be dissillusioned..but i cant deal with the fact that shes gone. i refuse to go to her gravesite. i do blow a kiss and tell her i love her. but if i go and actually see the tombstone..that means ill have to accept that she is gone. and i dont wanna. it may be unhealthy..but thats how it is. shes not supposed to be dead. shes supposed to be in nj..waiting for me to come visit so she can teach my son bad things like blowing raspberrys and spitting all over me like she had started. shes supposed to be ther when i get married to jim and say how proud she is that i found true love with him. shes supposed to be here for my sisters graduation and be proud that one of us finally graduated school. shes supposed to be here dammit!!! but what good does it do to fall apart and be angry. there is no changing what has been done. it seems unfair that the good people in the world die so early in life while the assholes who kill people beat their wives sell drugs to young kids live long healthy lives. life is so unfair.

so a moment of silence a little belated to the bravest women ive ever known. who gave up her life so we could live..and took more abuse than anyone should..so we could be happy

Tracy Mosseau 9/21/62-3/15/02

sighhhhhhhh

sadly my life is sooo boring i have nothing to tell. nothing newsworthy. havent heard from jim since saturday. and since our conversation on sat..all i think about is his coming home. and how i will ravage him. lol im in bad need of sex. like real bad. and nooo mr.pirate i will not find me a screw buddy. defeats the whole purpose of waiting for the man i LOVE and wanna marry someday. and i have a large collection of toys..but im tired of toys. i want skin not plastic. sighhhh. i wish he was coming home like now! i was thinking about it and i think that if he does come it will be between november and january. im hopeing its anytime except xmas. now i know you people are gonna tell me how selfish i am..well the whole 3 of you that still come visit(where did everyone go?) but i dont care. if he comes home for xmas time that means i will be forced to spend another xmas with his family. for the fourth year in a row. i wanna go home for xmas this year. like on the actual day of xmas. if he comes home he will force me to be with his parents who i hate and " we can go tomorrow" well im tired of going tomorrow. i wanna go on xmas day. thats when all the family is together. when i go the next day they arent all there. and dammit i wanna see my family!@!! ok so anyway..lol

other news.. tide and bounce make new soap and dryer sheets with febreeze in it. now first off let me tell you how much I LOVE FEBREEZE!! and bounce too. now they have mixed them? its like heaven. it makes my whole house smell like my fave febreeze smell..spring renewal... and my clothes smell excellent! i sniffed myself the whole way to work today.lol like those febreeze commercials.lol

lets seeeee what else????? oh yea so at my shit job we listen to a radio. 4 days a week it is like a mix station which is the closest i can get to things i wanna hear. it kinda sucks bc out of the like 4 decades of music they play the same shit everyday. irks me but hey.. and on friday it is country day. i do not like country. i do not like being forced to listen to it. i am not a country girl. i do not like that i have learned words to these songs. not good for my whole im from jersey thing. yea... so today for some reason became country day. of course i bitched. only to find out................................................wait for it..IT IS HOOKED UP TO SIRIUS SATELITE! are you fucking kidding me? that means song after song after song. no commercials for a breather. just country all damn day long. im sorry but i cannot get excited by songs like she thinks my tractors sexy!! i need to go back to jersey..like now. lol

speaking of jersey..i got this in the email the other day. ill only post part of it today..if you have ever been in jersey you will understand it. if not..your out of luck!!

You know you're from Jersey when . . ..

You don't think of fruit when people mention "The Oranges."

You know that it's called Great Adventure, not Six Flags.

A good, quick breakfast is a hard roll with butter.

You've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.

You've eaten at a diner, when you were stoned, or drunk, at 3 A.M.

You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery.

At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you
know the town Jon Bon Jovi is from.

You know what a "jug handle" is.

You know that WaWa is a convenience store.

You know that the state isn't all farmland.

You know that there are no "beaches" in New Jersey--there's the shore--and
you don't go "to the shore," you go "down the shore." And when you are
there, you're not "at the shore"; you are "down the shore."

You know how to properly negotiate a circle.

You knew that the last sentence had to do with driving.

You know that this is the only "New" state that doesn't require "New" to
identify it (try . . . Mexico . . . York .! . . Hampshire-- doesn't work,
does it?).

You know that a "White Castle" is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a
fast food sandwich.

You consider putting mayo on a corned beef sandwich a sacrilege

You don't think "What exit?" is very funny.

You know that people from the 609 area code are "a little different."

Yes they are!

You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton--that's for
out-of-staters.

The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or localbar.

You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.

You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.

Every year you have at least one kid in your class named Tony.

You know the location of every clip shown in the Sopranos opening credits.

You've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of the mall.

You know that people from North Jersey go to Seaside Heights, and people
from Central Jersey go to Belmar, and people from South Jersey go to
Wildwood. It can be no other way.

You weren't raised in New Jersey--you were raised in either North Jersey,
Central Jersey or South Jersey.

You don't consider Newark or Camden to actually be part of the state.

You remember the stores Korvette's, Two Guys, Rickel's, Channel, Bamberger's
and Orbach's.

You also remember Palisades Amusement Park.

You've had a boardwalk cheese steak and vinegar fries.

You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.

And finally . . ..

You've NEVER, NEVER pumped your own gas.

AMEN!!!

ohhhh to be in love.

my baby loves me. i got to talk to him for a long time yesterday. we emailed back and forth for awhile in the morning yesterday and then again at night. and it was great. we talked about the whole fighting thing and he apologized. told me he has developed a short temper. and an edge. he says he has to have an edge while hes there. i told him i understood that..but im supposed to make him happy hes not supposed to have an edge with me. so we fixed all that. then i told him how people keep telling me that me and him dont have a relationship with like feelings. that its all about sex. i asked his opinion on that. he said that sex cant be the only reason we are together bc we were apart for 10 months when he was in bosnia and bc its already been over 8 months and theres a nother year to go and were still together. i asked him why he thought people always dog on us. he started getting edgy.lol he said he doesnt care what people think of us and that its none of their damn business anyway. i said i think people are jealous of us. bc..i have no thoughts about waiting for jim. i love him and hes the one i always wanna be with. i can not sleep around and be ok with that. i only wanna be with him. i thought i had already proved that to the naysayers last time when i waited for him. when he went to bosnia we were only together for like 6 months. and i waited all 10 months for him. never looking at anyone else. and here i am again. i may flirt with other guys..but jim is my love. forever and ever.i hate having to defend my relationship. my best friend randi is always saying me and jim wont make it. we almost fought last night. i tried to explain to her how it is for me and jim. i told jim my answer for why i kept him. i CHOSE him bc he was hot and had a hot car. but i kept him bc i can trust him. i trust him with my heart,my feelings, my secrets. i trust him not to hurt me on purpose, to take care of me. i trust he will never hit me, or cheat. and thats what makes it all worth it. i havent met a guy i trusted so much in my life. and all the hot kinky dirty sex is a big plus too.lol but when we first starting having sex it wasnt like that. we became how we are together. theres just something about him and i that clicks. has from the beginning. randi says how we always fight. and we dont weve only had 2 real fights. i mean weve had bitching fights. but thats not the same thing. at all. bc jim never gets mad. well he does now..but on a normal time he doesnt.i knew i loved jim within a month and a half of knowing him. and same for him too. god i miss him. anyway heres the best part....

so we are talking dirty.lol and i was saying that when he was home last time that we didnt have nearly enough sex. and he goes..." well before i leave this time i wanna do"..you can try to figure it out.lol its explicit. but i was like before you leave this time? does that mean you are coming home baby? and he said at some point yes. not sure when though. im so happy.lol i know it wont be for a few months yet..but still. its a better outlook to just a few months then it is for a whole other year!! yayyyyyyyyy. im so excited. i cant wait to have sex.lol

just another day

ok peeps..i am feeling better. i had a super bad day at work yesterday. i was gettin evil. ready to rip some heads off. i had to tell people to not talk to me it was in their best interest. funny how people never listen though. idiots. so i had to put myself into my own world. which means i had to block everyone out bc i was that pissed. i hate that damn job!!

anyway, so i got the pics back from the drunken work out night. lmao funny pictures. i forgot to tell you all that this guy told me i looked fat and made me cry that night. i showed everyone my pic from before going out and everyone said i look great. i even asked like the scariest guy there that wouldnt lie to me. so i felt better. so now im gonna have to send them to jim. lmao i went in the store to pick up these pics and i was scared as hell. i wqas thinking there would be a big label saying xx pics cannot be developed or something like that.lol but nope it was uneventful. thank god. i wonder how many pics of my cootie there are in the world now. lol. i am in the process of talking to jim now. we have made up and are in deep talk about these pics. and he still wants them. so my plan kinda worked. im still upset that he cursed at me..but whatever.

i will be staying home this weekend. even though the people at work asked me 6 times a day everyday to go out this weekend. i dont think they believed me when i said i wasnt going.lol haha i showed them. lol.

in other news.. i talked to my sissy yesterday. and sometimes i really get angry with her. now what sucks is she is what i was at 16. the same attitude..bitchiness and sensitiveness. im not sure why i keep trying to have these certain conversations with her.bc im the one whos always left with built up anger or being sad. bc i dont think she thinks about things and how they will affect me. and i cant continue with the conversation bc she will throw a fit and not talk to me for days. its like a lose lose situation. the other day we had a chat about how she might be graduating this year. which i think this is excellent!! im so happy/proud of her. she will only be turning 17 this year. so i think thats a great accomplishment. i was reading her lj when i found out and she was going on to say how she didnt know what she was gonna do after or where her life would be heading. i told her she should head over here and come live with me. that was a mistake. should have never said it. now granted this whole conversation was all going on when i was severely depressed. this made it worse. anyway, she goes onto say that moving here would not be doing anything good for her. and i said why not? and she said where am i supposed to go? to hicktown U? so that was the first slap. and then i said no they do have good schools around here too ya know. and she kept saying no. and then she said something like how shes just gonna go to college somewhere and shell come see me blah blah blah. and i said yeah about as much as you see me now. and she goes to tell me how I am rude and blah blah blah shell see me when she sees me. that kinda hurt my feelings. like alot. and then she put on her away message. and dissapeared. and i was like hey you come back here. and she was like no she didnt wanna talk about it anymore bc i upset. sighh. thats how all the conversations go and it makes me really mad. but what can you do. my sissy really doesnt wanna live with me. i know its more than just bc i live in the country to. makes me sad

big sighhhhhh

so still no word from him. im starting to get all crazy like. he said 2 days and its been a week tomorrow. i want him to see my damn emails and no i took the damn pics. not the exact ones he wanted but some pics .

this sucks

i miss my booboo baby!!! i hate when we fight and then i dont hear from him for days. sucks!!

i couldnt think of a good title.lol anyway, so i went out last night to unwind and shit bc me and jim have been fighting all week long and i had a really hectic work week. so i planned on getting trashed. so i found me an outfit to make me look sexy but not slutty. a real thin flimsy material for a just under the knee skirt. pinstripe skirt with a lacy looking slit up to my mid thigh. a white work shirt looking deal thats kinda stretchy so its nice and snug and i didnt button the top three buttons. i guess it might sound trashy but it wasnt at all. i had high black strappy shoes which proved really difficult to drive in.lol and my hair and makeup were flawless as always. i looked really nice. my best friend helped me pick out the outfit. well i picked a bunch and this was the winner. anyway, i felt hot!! i went to this bar by my work. there were all work people there. i hadnt eaten all day and i had 3 cran and vodkas and 4 malibu bay breezes which are really good by the way, and a kamakazi shot and a smirnoff. i was lit.and i was scoping out my legs and asked this guy
5 vodka and cranberry
4 malibu bay breezes
2 smirnoff ices
1 kamakazi shot
and 1 alaskan ice tea.

LIT!!!!! i came home and got on the comp for an hour and then passed out in my bed at 4am.

today is a rough feeling day!!lol

i watched monster in law today. fucking hilarious!!

my baby

this is a pic of my lover. he just sent it.lol there is a real post for today under this. hes so cute. i lurvee him

busy bee

hello boys and girls..you will find me in a especially good mood today. sadly no i did not get laid. dammit. but believe me one day when i do again..i will post in big huge letters.lol anyway..tomorrow is friday. this pleases me. lol as it does everyone but im really excited. tomorrow i have gathered a work group of people to go to this one bar after work. with alterior motives of course.lol dont ask cuz i aint telling. thats for my naughty site. anyway.. ill only be there for a little bit. then im gonna meet randi and we are going to some other bar where her manager will be. he is a pig so i need to dress scantily so i can get some free drinks. randi says if i got boobs hanging out ill get free drinks. alright that can be arranged.lol and then after that..we are going to yet another bar and partying. it should be a great night. now the rough part is this all starts at like 5pm. ill be trashed by 8 probably yakking by 10 and then starting all over again. lmao. ahh yes the good life. and i am ready!!

in the words of spongebob..im ready im ready im readeeeddyeddyyy!!

lol

i love him

you know its awful to say but i think no matter what jim did to piss me off id always love him forever and ever. we had a tiff last night and i was crying and bitching and all that. but today he said he was sorry and its like nothing ever happened. now dont get me wrong..if he ever cheated or hit me..id be done. but anything else....i could forgive him.

god i love him..<3 i wish he was here now<3

you people are killing me

you people are friggin killing me.

HOW THE FUCK DONT YOU KNOW WHAT A GARBAGE PAIL KID IS? lol well i guess they never went out of the usa or something. ok garbage pail kids were like baseball cards sorta. you bought a little pack and it came with gum and you got like 5 cards in the pack. these cards were stickers too. they were so cool. especially when you were little. now they are kinda gross. but funny. anyway, they are like cabbage patch kids (if you dont know what that is.. i give up) so they were like cabbage patch kids but really nasty. like farting all over or peeing. eating boogers that kind of stuff. and they had funny names. hold on let me get one and ill describe it.

lol ok i got one. so this one is scuba doo lou. he is climbing out of a toilet with his snorkel mask on and pee inside it.lol with a poker that has a turd on it. and all kinds of nastiness coming out of the toilet with him.lmao. they are really nasty but i was kid when i collected them. so you know you were all ewwwwww giggle giggle.lol

anyway, so the whole weekend sucked really. i didnt do a damn thing except for my trip for fish with randi. work went quickly today which was nice. i had a friend burn me a cd and i got it and jammed the whole way home. after i broke another damn nail. dammit all to hell. im getting tired of breaking nails. i grow these long ass claws and just when it seems they are all gonna make it to the same damn length..one breaks. then theres a chain of them. out of 10 nails.. i have 5 left. the other 5 are in various stages of growth. 4 claws on one hand. 1 claw on the other. i have a ghetto hand. lol not like you care but i have a reputation you know. i need to bitch about at least one thing a day or you wont come visit anymore.lol

booooo

what a long boring weekend im having. randis about a dud. im broke and there is nothing on tv. im bored out of my damn mind. and figures that jim can talk forever during the week but when i actually can be up all night long..too busy cant talk.lol isnt that always the way.

yesterday randi calls me up at 9:30am. ok now when i have off of work and can actually stay up late..im up till about 4am. this bitch calls me at 9 30 am. killing me. anyway she was cleaning out her fish tank bc it was nasty. took the fish that are like the size of my feet out and put them in a bucket. now i told you shes kinda retarded remember that. anyway LEAVES them in there for awhile eventually puts them in the tank again and they died.lol sorry but its funny. so shes calling me at the crack of dawn to tell me this. bc she is a pussy and wont touch the fish.lol so guess who she wants to do it. mmhmmm me. so i finally go there and i guess she was brave and did it herself. so now we are gonna go to the fish store and get more. it is 11am now. maybe a little bit before. so we are off on a mission to get fish, stop at the wawa and the movie store.

and the trip begins 11am:

we get all the kids in the car. they are like brother and sister so they aggravate and compete against each other. so there was a lot of bitching and fighting and tattling in the 4 minute drive to wawa to get some coffee. we get there

kids: can we come in?

moms:NOOO

anyway so off we go to the movie store

11:15 off to the movie store

lol so we leave wawa and go to the movie store. after more bitching in the car. damn kids. dont make me stop this car..... we go into the movie store after a compettion to see who would get there first. sighhhh. i one. to save the trouble. anyway so we get in there to find moster in law. well randi only has a vcr. they only have one copy of that and its out. dammit. so we check out dvds and say well watch it at my house. all out. dammit!@! so no luck here. i decided i needed to go to rite aid for something. while there i discover that they have re-brought out garbage pail kids. i was like nooooooo shit. so i paid $1 for like 5 cards..no gum..booooo. and they were way gross. maybe more then when i was little and had them. oh and dont anybody ask me what garbage pail kids are. bc i will be in too much of shock of you not knowing to answer. all the cool people know what they are. unless you arent in the us. i dont know if they had them in other countries.

ok so 11:30am off to the pet store.

i suggested going to pet smart bc they have a hit load of fish. cool fish.its a little bit of a hike but they are nice fish! but no we go to this other one thats half way there. ok whatever so more bitching and fighting. kids were ready to get beat!! shuuttttuppppp. jessa you dont talk to austin and austin dont talk to jessa. unless you are bleeding i dont care!! lol ok so finally we are at the pet store. the kids are all ooohing and ahhing. good happy kids make happy parents. so we are looking ofr fish. randi doesnt like any of the fish. of course not. soooo we just keep looking at the rest of the animals. they had this big pond with fishies in it. and the demon spawn were over by it picking up rocks and throwing them at the fish. ^%$$# goddam kids. so we drug them out of the damn store. randis all pissed now and wants to know where else there is a fish store. i have no clue. except that pet smart. shes says no its too far.(were already half way there) so she calls someone and tries to find another one. she gets directions

god knows what time it is now.. off to the pet store on sketchy directions. we get lost. and then more lost. one kid has to pee. more lost and more lost. another kid has to pee. round and around...wait a minute i see a sign. i know where we are. started out in pennslyvania went through delaware and ended up in md. at this point the kids are pissed off..im irritated and randis bitching. im sitting there saying shouldve went to pet smart wed be home by now. so we head to a store by my house and it takes her fucking forever to pick some damn fish. the kids are being atrocious and short of really beating them... CMON RANDI LETS GO. we get the fish and back to her house


3pm.. end of trip. holy shit!!

any ideas?

ok so my sister is 16 years old. and i dunno whats wrong with her but she is like electronics dumb or something. shes been through like 6 cell phones, and three cameras. the first camera she dropped and broke. the second camera she lost and the third got stolen. so she moped around and bitched about it and her dad gave her a camera on loan. now when he gave her the camera he told her DO NOT lose or drop this one. or you will be grounded for life and no more cameras or something like that. she had it three days.......

knocked it off the table on accident and broke it. she is in deep shit now. like deep. thats like breaking gods camera. so shes trying to think of a way to come up with some money to eather get it fixed..or get a replacement.

so heres my question..how do you make money quick when you are 16 that isnt sexual favors like? my poor sissy. help please.lol

my day is a little better now

my day got better now. i got to instant email jim for a few hours and it was great. he made my day so much better. god i love him so much and i miss him too. sighh here ill share some of the things he said

this was after i asked him about that card from our one year anniversary. about if he thought something changed blah blah:

i now that i answerd theis quistion before it did feekl like you were
presuring me i love you the same the time will comee whem im eady dont
worry i love you the same i never put a time line on that card and it
will happen when im ready you have to not worry abou tit at all and just
be patient im sorry if the card qas misleading but i meant it just when
im ready i now you are ready and soon anough it will happen i love you
just remeber the card and it will all come true exept for maybe the
baby part i may have changed my m,ind with that but well see

and this was after i asked him if he thinks about us in the future:

yes love i think aabout he future and we will get married in the future
dont woory we have a future stop worring i love you

lol he loves me. heheheok i cant print the rest bc it is obscene ands not for this blog. lol

take this job and shove it

so we had a meeting at work today. before the meeting we had a pre-meeting. the supervisor told us to bitch about how gas has gone up and about the winter and how itll be more expensive to heat the house and stuff. blah blah blah.

so we get into the damn meeting and hes talking all about the hurricane and how our company is going to take so much from each product bought and send it down to the ....cant think of the right word..hurricane victims. which is all fine and dandy. but...

i think we need a fucking cost of living raise. like now. with gas going up to extreme measures i wont be able to make it to work soon. its up over 3 dollars. killing me. i drive 32 miles round trip. 5 days a week.i only get paid 9 bucks an hour which is shit. and our insurance for health has me paying 60 a week. not mention the $150 a week i gotta give jims mom so i dont have to hear noises about moving out. so over 3 bucks a gallon is gonna break me. im bout poor.

but no we listened to how we are gonna help the people down there and how its such a tragedy. which it is great that they are gonna help them. they are doing a food drive too. then it was how we can save them money on energy and shit like that. i thought hey you dont fucking care about how im gonna survive with the increase..so i dont give a fuck if you save money at all. and maybe thats a poor attitude but i dont care. and im not the only one there with this attitude. they said MAYBE well get a raise. but then in the same sentence said something about a wage freeze. fuckers. if gas gets too high i wont be going to work at all.

cheap bastards.