???????????????????

not sure hwats going on with my blog. when i try to look at it, theres nothing here. very weird.

dont think my jimmys coming home

hmmmmm lets see...

not sure what to write about. that usually means a list. but i dunno what kinda list to make.hmmmm, you know i do feel a lil dirty. so i guess ill give some answers to the whole lesbian experience.

once upon a time in lancaster,pa. about 30 miles from here, lived two girls. christina and vanessa. christina and vanessa did alot of partying bc, it was fun. every weekend came and theyd polish off a bottle or two of vodka, by themselves or with friends.

christina was a lesbian, and alwasy dropped subtle hits that she wanted the two of them to hook up. and even though vanessa was lonely and getting tired of playing with herself, she kinda shrugged it off.

jim, vanessas man, really wanted her to have a lesbian moment, so that when he returned from bosnia in 4 months maybe they could have a threesome. jim made sure that vanessa knew how much he wanted all that to happen. jims birthday was nearing soon and as a gift he told vanessa that she should send him some naked pictures. and have christina take them. so, vanessa said "sure jim!" bc he was the love of her life.

so they got together and started thinking...hmmm how should we do this? lets get some vodka!! and so some vodka they took. and the more and more vodka that was taken, the better the pics. they started out with lingerie. then eventually there was nakedness and some pg -13 touching. there were hands, and tongues and kisses but nothing more than a drunk college girl would do on snopp doggy doggs girls gone wild. damn vodka.lol

then one night, a few weekends later they had a party together, with other people. they played drinking games and got extremely trashed!! some of the friends were going out to eat and stuff and left those two alone. christina kept saying i wanna lick your pussy, and even drunk vanessa was a lil shy. but eventually, lonely drunk, horny vanessa took over and said fuck it lets do it. one condition though. i wont lick you back. and christina said its cool.

at first it was a little awkward. christina rubbed her down and gave her sweet gentle kisses all over her face. they kissed awhile and explored each others bodies. then christina pushed vanessa down on the bed, and pulled off all her clothes. she pulled her hair out of her ponytail and caressed her face and said now dont be nervous. this will be fun. she kissed her from her lips down her chest to each nipple. slowly lickling around and around it. then sucking and nibbling a lil on each one. then she kissed her way down around her belly and then further down. when she got down to the moist hot part of her, she teased around it. she licked the insides of her thigh, the creases in her legs, and the lips. and the more she teased, the more vanessa wanted it. not being nervous, not caring if it was a guy or a girl, just wanting it more than anything else. and once christina knew that, thats when vanessa got her satisfaction. she nudged at her legs so that she would spread them. she traced her fingers slowly up and down, in a tickly manner. and just when vanessa thought she would scream in frustration she felt something soft and wet pushing at her pleasure button. and as she leaned back in ecstacy and enjoyed it all she could think about was jim. and how he would be so happy. and while she was thinking this two fingers slid in her, and a wave of pure ecstacy took her over again and again.

then it was her turn to make her feel good too. like a reward. so vanessa then proceeded to rub down christina and kiss her all over(except the dirty spot). licking and sucking on mounds of flesh and kissing . teasingly running her fingers down her body and then back up and touching her pleasure button, until she cried out repeatedly.

they did this a few times. sometimes it ended like that sometimes there were clits rubbing against each other.

then came the time to tell jim. he was absolutely ecstatic. sad that he missed it and that there werent pictures involved. but there was hope for a 3some when he got home.

lol, so there you have it. thats what happened

hope yall like my true life story. oh and in case you were wondering jim hasnt gotten that 3some yet. but it is pending. as soon as i get 2 platinum rings ending in 2 carats, there will be a 3some. bc i love sex and more than that i love jim!!

iraq votes

iraq votes today. please,please,please let them vote in the way that all the us troops come home. please let them send them home for their well being and send my jimmy back to them. i will be watching cnn news all day to see how it goes.

please god let him come home to me and not have to go

like the old days...

today i went shopping like i used to do in the old days when i was a rich spoiled bitch. where i could just go shopping and it didnt matter what the price tag said. i didnt even look at it. ahhhh..the good old days. i spent $1266 in 2 and a half hours. less if you take away driving time. it was great. i got all kinds of shit i..well i guess i needed some of it.

h&r block called me at 10 am today said my check was ready. 10:15 i was there to pick it up. and me and austin went shoping. ever notice shopping isnt as much fun when kids are involved? yea it sucked. he bitched and whined the whole damn time. i got him all klinds of stuff too. anyway, heres what i got.

store #1 kaybee toy store....2 leap pad books and some yu gi oh cards. anyone know the point of those? $30

#2fye(music store) 4 cds. each a different kind of music. lol i got the dixie chicks the first cd. kelly clarkson the second cd, freaky friday soundtrack and jay-z and linkin park collision course. $66

#3 bath and body works where i got 4 bottles of yummy smelly lotion $30

#4 strawbridges lmao 6 bottles of perfume. i have an obsession with perfume. ive got like 30 bottles. i got escape, which is my favorite. beyoned paradise.eternity moment, pleasures(theres more to the name but i forget what it is), ralph laurens blue,lol the paris hilton perfume which smells really good. once they figured out i loved perfumes they just kept the smell coming. my nose stopped working and then they brought me a jar of coffe beans to sniff and a bunch more samples.lol $360

#5 some kids shoe store. i told austin he could pick any shoes in there. dont you know he picked the ugliest pair. so i got those and a pair of tommy hilfiger ones. $90

#6 foot locker. i got two pairs of shoes for me. a pair of k swiss and a pair of nikes. i picked 6 different pairs and they only had two in my size. i was pissed. i really wanted these reeboks and these timberlands. damn it all to hell. $95

#7 petsmart. i got a huge ass ferret cage and some neat stuff to go in it and food and crab. you can bring your dogs in there and there was this dog in there that looked like it could swallow it whole. like austin could look it in its eyes it was so damn big $255

#8 old navy. i got all kinds of shit for me and austin $303

and two cartons of ciggies $50

what a great day. it took me a fucking hour and ahalf to get that damn cage together. but other than that it was a wonderful day. now i just gotta send my vickys form out for my bedding set and ill be a happy camper!lol

hope every one had a good day

it seems to be...

it seems to be the thing to do today. everyone is making huge lists. so im gonna too. otherwise i was just gonna bitch. and i dont have the energy for that.lol. so here goes


1. my first name is jacquelynne

2. everyone calls me various forms of vanessa. i hate the name jaquelynne. i hate being called jackie or any other form of that. its a really girly girl name and im not. i think vanessa is a more plain name. im not plain but, i dunno.anyway

3. i have a 6year old son to a dead beat dad in nj who has only seen him a total of 1month in his 6 years. asshole

4.my mommy (yes MOMMY) passed away at age 39. that was almost 3 years ago. we never got along really well until the last 2-3 yrs she was alive. before she died she asked me if i thought jim was "THE ONE" for me. i told her i really believed he was. a week later she died.

5. i have a 16 yr old sister and 14 yr old brother. lol my sisters name is ryan and my bros name is nicky(nicholas) but its funny

6. my ferrets names are cinnamon(cinny) and snoop. they are both pains in my ass!!

7. i have 9 tattoos,soon to be 10. but they are all covered up. youd never know unless its summertime

8.ive had a lesbian encounter. and i didnt mind it :)

9.i have several subscriptions to sex toy companies. i get one them every month. :)

10. i collect teddy bears. ive got about 75 all shapes sizes and colors.

11. i love garfield the cat. ive got a subscription to a garfield stuff catalog that has only garfield and garfield related things. im not ashamed to say i will be ordering a king sized bedding set soon. and jim doesnt mind.lmao. plus ive got all kinds of garfield stuff already. soon a garfield tattoo

12.i love gummy bears. but only the ones in the gold bag

13. i believe my herbal essence is broke bc i never feel as happy as the chicks on the commercials.lol

14. i love boys with not like real dark skin but darker skin than me, that have blue green , or hazel eyes. i think thats sexy.but they gotta have big pink full lips and dimples. i can deal without the dimples. but you gotta have the lips and eyes. otherwise ill stick to white men.

15. i hate brown eyes.

16. i would love to have red hair more than anything. ive been trying to dye it since i was 14. i gave up just recently.

17. when i start getting wrinkly i want someone to shoot me

18. i have an obsession with makeup.

19. i bite my nails. sometimes i dont but if im real stressed for awhile they just keep gettin bit. but only certain ones.

20.i cant freakin stand when people blow me off. i get very angry and very nasty

21. i have a very short temper

22. i have little to no patience. especially when it comes to whiny kids

23. i love to read

24. i love to sing

25. i have an unhealthy obsession with ice cream.

and there you have it folks. lol have a great weekend. oo oo i got my taxes done and im getting $5000 back. hell yea. cant wait to shop. i can fiunally get my victorias secret bedding set that costs like $600 bucks. all satin and chenille. woohoo.

cya

good news and bad news......

you know with good news there is always bad. may not be big bad news. but bad. so first ill do the bad.

my crab died. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. stupid thing would have stopped trying to escape, this wouldnt have happened. im so pissed. and sad.:( stupid crab.

anyway, my good news is that , now im not supposed to get excited(hehehehe) but i heard that if the elections go right in iraq, that all the troops there will come home and that the ones going wont. yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want so bad for my jimmy to come home. my love...something like if they vote to have their own government then they want the us troops out. god please please please, let it happen.

everyone please keep your fingers crossed for me...thanks

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all about your sex life...
Full Name
Age
your sex personality colour is...	green - jungle lovin'
you'll probaby fuck....	a rock star
your favourite sex toy is...	a rusty coathanger. And you wonder why you have no friends?
you will get __# std's.	none, you're clean
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Name
Age
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Family Line	MugglebornHalf-BloodPure-Blood
Dated	Sirius Black
You are well known for	Blowing up the Potions classroom in 4th Year
Percentage of student body you shagged - 100%
How do the staff and students feel about you	Can i have you autograph?
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J	Jolly
E	Exquisite
R	Realistic
Z	Zippy
E	Entertaining
E	Emotional
G	Gloomy
R	Respectable
L	Luxurious
I	Inspirational
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Your Icecream Flavour is... Choc-Chip Cookie Dough!

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Age
Are You Good In Bed?	There's a line 'round the block for you
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10 things i like during sex

ok again ive got no stories. and when i have no stories that means a list. and im sexually frustrated so that means a naughty one

so here goes

10. ive said it before and ill say it again. i love a good spanking.which usually requires doggie style which i love too.alot.

9.getting my hair pulled. not like cavewoman like, but you know. alil pain makes more pleasure

8.tasty lotions and creams that i can lick off. mmm cherries my fave!!

7.i love knowing your having a great time. so when you scratch nails or dig nails in my back ass whatever, i love it

6.a nice full body massage...with you mouth.tongue and teeth included!!

5.toys to make it all interesting. i like cuming from all my naughty spots at once sometimes, so that requires some added reinforcement

4.cuming at the same time as you. nothing beats that.itll probably be like my fourth time to your first but well, lifes a bitch.lol

3.when you hold my hips when im on top. i love it. something intimate about it. i dunno how to explain it

2.when you tease me..when you lick here, nibble there, suck here,stick me real quick and do it all over again,until im screaming in readiness

1.when you lick it and i dont gotta do a goddamn thing. aint nothing better than laying back and enjoying the greatness of doing nothing but getting off!!

there you have it, folks. my dirty whore blog of the day.lol

ooooooo i upset him......

lets see i really dont have a whole lot to tell. and its been awhile since ive bitched so here goes..

first im gonna say i hate blogger and i think it hates me back. it hasnt been letting me do posts and it takes 3 hrs to leave a comment on someone elses blog. 3 hrs to get to the comment page and another 2 to publish it. ok now onto the real bitching

well it seems i broke the rules boys and girls. not that thats a big surprize,but it seems i have upset my lover. just like his dad told me not to. but you know what, fuck the rules. heres what happened. i know its stupid but like i said its pms time. so there(sticking out tongue)

the other night i was on the phone with jim. now when jim calls hes only allowed to talk for like 5 minutes. and when he gets off the phone sometimes i get really sad and i cry. well..on said day, i cried and i told him how much i missed him and i was so sad being without him. and while i was crying he was like.. "well i gotta go to bed now. ill talk to you tomorrow. love you " and then he hung up.

um EXCUSE ME but if im upset and crying you dont just hang up the fucking phone. at least say dont cry or something like that. dont fucking hang up you inconsiderate bastard. i was pissed. i cried myself to sleep. went to work the next day feeling quite shitty, and when he called later that day i gave him hell. now i know some of you can tell from my blogs im kinda bitchy.lol so i made him tell me it was mean and he apologized and then he was upset for being such a dick. well i didnt wanna upset him, i just wanted him to understand what i was feeling. so then i sent him a text message saying i was sorry he was upset, that i love him and blah blah blah stuff to make him feel better. i told him to text me back so id know he was ok. no text. then he didnt call yesterday. you know if he really wants me to love him and wait for the next year and five months alone.. youd think hed be a little more damn appreciative of me. god damn. now im mad all over again. i hate pms!!

sighhh

10 things i dont like about men..

this shit better work this damn time. this is the second time i am posting this. stupid comp. anyway i have no fun stories so im making another list. i know some of you enjoyed the last one...so get ready for a few more shockers, and laughs

10. put the goddamn toilet seat down. and wash your dirty ass hands too. and while youre doing all that flush the toilet as well. and im not your mom so dont call me in to see what you made today!! grow up!

9. just because you can, doesnt mean you need to go 135 down the road. its unsafe, there are other cars out there, and really im not impressed.

8. unless we are "making love" dont talk to me. yes it feels good so stop asking. if it felt bad dont worry id tell you. so shut the hell up, before i do it to myself!!

7. sticking it in my ass, does not feel nearly as good to me as it does you. unless you are gonna anal ease me up, and numb that shit, i dont wanna. i may like porn star sex, but im not a porn star ho. my ass doesnt take it as well as theirs does.

6.just bc you think you work harder than me, doesnt mean i dont work too. when i get home im tired and i dont like when im expected to make a 3 course meal, or have sex or do this or that. if i feel like it i will. otherwise..back off!!

5. if the trash is overflowing and falling on the floor, do not start piling shit up on the counter. take the damn thing out!! (refer to number 6)

4.ok now i love to be spanked. but there is a difference between spanking and beating. im not your wicked stepchild, i am your dirty naughty girl. so ease up on the whippings. unless i ask for it harder, i dont want to be beat to the point i cant sit.

3.if you want me to go down on you, thats fine. but and this is a big one, either you better trim the bush or shave it off completely. bc i am not trying to cough up a furball!! i do it for you, you do it for me. thanks!!

2. if i decide to show some sort of emotion, whether it be happy ,sad or mad..DO NOT say something along the lines of" guess its that time of month huh" . if it was that damn time(like it is right now) believe me youll know it. you wont even need to ask. so stop saying that stupid shit. you get mad and sad and noone says shit to you,so refrain from ever again asking that question.

ok and number 1. ok now when im giving you head, its cool to put your hand on the back of my head. it IS NOT COOL to push on my head. i can handle it all by myself without you trying to choke me. so unless you can do it without pushing on me, stay the fuck off. thanks very much

lol hope everyone had a good day. see yall tomorrow.

is it just me or are my blogs starting to make me sound like a whore? hmm.. oh well

dammit

i got everyones names on there but the links dont work. help me someone. what am i doing wrong

TMI!!!!!!!!

i have no fun stories to tell today so heres a list of things about me you just didnt know and probably dont care about.lol


10. i love dark chocolate. milky way midnights are the best!!

9>warrick from csi: las vegas. hes so fucking hot. id fuck him in a second!!whoo. down girl

http://www.cbs.com/primetime/csi/main.shtml
not a good pic of him but good enough

8.i love sports bras. i have big ass huge titties. and i cant wear the pretty bras like a smaller girl would. and i aint wearing no granny bra, so i wear sports bras. i wanna cut them off but jim would be upset. what is it with men and titties?

7. i was born and raised in new jersey. i love new jersey. i lived all over. born in wildwood then lived in clifton montclair west paterson jefferson wayne riverdale butler and then moved to florida for a year. then pa and now i reside in md.

6. im allergic to furry things. thats why i dont have a big strong dog to keep me safe while jims away. im working on getting an alarm system so noone tries to kill me. which brings me to number 5.

5. dont laugh.... im afraid of the dark. lots of reasons why,dont really want to get into it. but i cant stand being here alone at night. i cannot watch scary movies bc then i cant sleep. i imagine noises and think someones here.

4. i wanted to be a marine biologist when i got older. apparently not too badly youre thinking. i really really did. i wanted to work with sea animals cuz i loved them. my whole room was done in sea animals. i even paid money to like greenpeace to save the dolphins. they are my favorite animal.

3.i hate children. i know its awful to say bc i have one but i truly do not like kids. i can stand mine. but put him with another and i go crazy. ive never liked kids. back to like when my sister was born. BUTTTTT i absolutely love babies. i love baby hands and toes and ohhh they are so sweet and cute. i like them till about 2 and then they get smart mouths and all that shit

2. OK ALL YOU SWEET AND INNOCENT ONES CLOSE YOU EYES......

2.i love dirty naughty bad girl sex. i really do. i like spanking and toys and handcuffs. i like porn. i like playing with girls too much to jims happiness. i love it all. anything you can imagine ive done it. lol

1. ive got my whole wedding planned out and i havent even been proposed to yet. every dress ring flower guest, i got it all.and its gonna cost alot of money too.(thats that rich girl thing coming back to me)


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and there you have it folks. thats todays post .

goddamn..everyone has linked everyone else to their blogs and im too stupid to figure it out even when someone tells me how to do it. so dont be offended if you dont see your name!!!!!

F-in right!!!

the dark has come and there be no more snow!!!! yayyyy. i hate the damn snow. i shoveled 4 times today. actually 5!! i did four and then the fucking snowplow bastards came and put a mountain in front of my driveway as austin(my 6 year old) put more snow up on the other end again. i was cursing the whole time too. my body hurts. i went through 4 pairs of gloves, hats and scarves. good thing i have a small obsession with all that stuff. i got like 20 of each.lol

so i did all this hard work and guess what? its supposed to start snowing again soon, and dump just as much down again. the snow god hates me!! guess i better get to bed soon so i can wake up and SHOVEL MORE F-IN SNOW. and its not even good snow. well its good for shoveling, but i wanna make a snow family. if i got to be surrounded by 2 ft of snow i wanna make a friggin snow family. lol

where is everyone?

where the hell is everyone? im stuck in this damn blizzard, theres nothing on tv, and only one person has updated their blog. ive only got a free hour before i gotta go out and shovel that shit again. i already did it 2 times.

lol. i made the mistake of recruiting austin to go with me and help. i showed him how to do it and everything. dont you know he shoveled all the shit i just did back in the driveway. god damn. i had to kick him out of the driveway. im not trying to shvel extra. i dont wanna shovel at all.

sighhh damn snow. i could be getting ready to go party now. oh well lifes a bitch!!

let it snow let it snow let it snow.....

it is only 10 am and the ground is already covered. not really looking forward to having to shovel my driveway 15 times this weekend. i heard a comment recently i think it was someones joke line or something, that said you know you are old when you dont get excited by snow anymore. well guys i guess im old then bc i hate the fucking snow. i wish i could revert back to when i was still in school. now heres something you didnt know about me, i used to be a spoiled rich bitch. ive never had to shovel snow in my whole lifetime until this year. when i was young we had a heated driveway that you just turned on and it melted the snow. nope no shoveling for me. all i had to do was play in it. i remeber i had a hot pink snow tube (which is the best kind for snow) and we used to go up to the elementary school cuz they had a huge hill there. wed make a big speed bump in the middle so when you had good speed youd hit that bump and fly through the air. i always made my sister sit in the front(i was an evil older sister) and wed always run into a tree or a bush.lol. those were the days. austin is excited for the snow though. i kinda wanna build a snowman.shit with all the snow we are gonna get i can probably make a whole family of them. ohhh to be a kid again.

ever notice the older you got the stupider you got? like when you were like 7 it was cool to go down a little hill and you were happy? but as you got a little older you wanted it a little more dangerous every year? when i was 17 i remember going down this big ass hill. it was at some business company and they were closed for the snow or something. anyway we made a big bump like always and we sled right into the street. we were going so fast and when we hit that bump we flew over a creek right into the street. we were(not my sister this time) all so scared and when we were done we were like, that was cool as shit!! and did it again. luckily for us no cars were ever coming when we did it.

unfortunately there arent a whole lot of hills close by for me to share my experience with austin. but hes kinda prissy sometimes so he probably wouldnt like it anyway.

sighhhh off to think about my first shoveling experience. i have a feeling im not gonna like it.oh to be young and dumb again

whiney bitch part 2

seems as though someones got it out for us guys. be careful what you say cuz an anonymous person is gonna come and yell at you and call you a whiney bitch. lol. what a dick.

anyway, enough of that. my day went pretty well today. i really like this job. it requires lots of hand muscle though. so my hands are sore. had a lil rough spot though. the lady that i was stuck working with today BITCHED ALL DAY!!!! ever notice when you are stuck around someone in a bad mood you get pissy too? well it happened to me. i got really frustrated and i cried a lil. damn pms. but then i decided i wasnt gonna let her get to me, and got happy again. plus its friday!! yay. too bad im gonna be stuck inside all damn weekend cuz of the damn blizzard coming. i had to buy a shovel today bc they are saying anywhere from 6-18 inches. why cant it do that shit during the week? it seems its always a weekend thing. hmm.

thats about all i got for today guys. im gonna go eat something yummy and watch i love the 90s on vh1. its funny as hell. always good for a laugh.

take care all and ill see ya tomorrow. if you are in the u.s. and in the blizzard area, be safe and stay warm.

lol, anyone see the movie the day after tomorrow? yea i feel like we are slowly living it. if i see golf ball sized hail im runnin for florida.lmao

im whiney.....lmao

lmmfao!! can you believe that someone bitched me out on my own damn blog? thats funny!!! you guys are the best. hell never come back here again. god too funny!!

bbl with a real post. my foods here.mmmmmmmmmmmm.....

yayyyy!!!!!

yayyyy!! i had a wonderful day. well minus my poor feet.



I GOT A JOB!!!

so now i dont have to sit around all day and be extremely lonely. but its not the job i told you guys about yesterday. this is a garage door safety place. i am part of an assembly line and i cut wires and hook them up to these foamy things that they call guts, and then bag and tag them. but i gotta do it all standing. so my feet hurt bad. today was my first day.dude called me yesterday and said i had the job but i gotta start today. so i said ok. i dont get paid much. only 8.75. but thats more than the wawa was. and when my 90 days are up ill get more. not sure how much more though. but at least i dont gotta be home. although i will me missing my soap and it just started getting good. guess ill have to figure out how to work the vcr.

now i know i said i had a good day, but this wouldnt be my blog if i didnt bitch a little. (wink wink)

so i call jims parents house yesterday to be like "i gotta job!haha evil people!" and it was fun. then i told them how brent moved out and how its gonna suck here being all alone. and dont you know i got a huge lecture from jims dad. motherfucker!!i swear. i meant i was gonna be alone here at night time and that it scares me, ya know. well..heres how it went

jims dad: well how do you think jimmy feels?

me: hes not alone hes got like 200 army duded with him all being his friends

jims dad: you know vanessa, jim doesnt need to be worrying about you while hes away. hes got enough to think about without having to worry about you. so dont do or say anything to upset him.blahblahblah

me:yea i know jim(jims his dads name too) i wasnt doing anything. he doesnt have anything to worry about

and he just kept fucking going. god shut the fuck up!! they did this shit last time when jim went away too. i wasnt allowed to have any emotion towards him unless it was happy. i know what they are saying and what they mean. but did they think i forgot? do they think im gonna cheat, or dump him or something like that? they couldnt be so fucking lucky. assholes. im not a person to hide my feelings. if something bothers me i say it. but whatever. i wont be calling there for awhile. a long one too.

ok im done.

so yayyyyy a good day

just for once...

just for once id like to have a blog i can post with happy thoughts. but it seems like everyday some bullshit is going on. unbelievable. i feel cursed. big sigh....

everyone always tells me to be happy and positive like and all that stuff. and i really try but it seems like something is always happening to just shoot those thoughts right down where they came from and i hate it. i wish i was a little kid again and didnt have to deal with all this bullshit. but i dont know how to build a time machine. dammit!! should have paid more attention in school.

ok so i wake up today and try to make my interview time earlier so i can beat out the snow. unfortunately the lady was busy when i called and when she called back it was too late so i had to just wait for 2 oclock. so at 10:30 i go outside to smoke a ciggie. everything was fine. i go out at 11:20 and holy hell its like a blizzard. i was like well shit. i dont do snow. ever since i wrecked in the rain i dont drive unless its sunny or cloudy. ill do rain if i must. but fuck the snow. so i debate for about an hour on whether or not im gonna go and then decide im not. i rescheduled my interview for 10am tomorrow. so well see how that goes. good thing i didnt cuz there was like 2 inches at 2. the time i was supposed to be there. now lets just hope it all miraculously melts by 9:30am. probably not but..whatever.

so then i went to the bus stop to get austin and brent(the roomie) came home. so i went to go smoke with him and learned that today is the day that hes moving out. god damn. so now in the big ass blizzard were gonna get on sat and sunday im gonna be in this damn house all a fucking lone. i hate being alone and even feeling alone. and everyone keeps saying chin up and all that stuff and i get mad. i aprreciate the thoughts and stuff but nobody understands what im feeling. ya know? i dunno. i just dunno. i feel like im gonna have a major breakdown any damn minute.

life sucks. not all the time but right now it sucks!!!

im gonna go take my negative ass to bed now.

heres to a better day tomorrow....

BIG SIGGGGHHHHHH......................................

$^#$#%* #@%&*

oh yea folks, its one of those kinda days. this is gonna be a doozy. so be ready!!
first im gonna make a top 10 list of shit i hate. then im gonna go into a bitch fit...cuz i havent done that in so long(wink wink)


10. stupid people that cant drive and follow the simple day to day driving skills theyve probably been using longer than me

9. ruining clothes in the laundry cuz i was too lazy to sort colors and it was my brand new white something(cuz its always white or off white)

8. I HATE SEAT BELTS!!! i hate them,hate em hate em!! im only 5ft2. so the damn things saw into my neck and try to strangle me. i know they are a safety thing blah blah blah, and mr.officer says i gotta wear it even when im just going around the corner. but i still hate them

7.animals that shed. i dont care how cute they are i hate animal fur on me. yuck!

6. animals that drool on you. i hate going to someones house and they have a pet that seems to ignore everyone in the room but you and leaves a nice sized foamy rabies looking blob of something on your leg, hand,arm,ewwwww or face.

5. i hate loud noises, like when i go out to eat and everyone in the room is talking, or when you are reading and people are talking, or god forbid i go to a children infested place(dont make me do it) and they are all running around and screaming and loud. god it makes me crazy. i love chucky cheeses but i hate going in there when there are lots of kids there. BUT..i love my radio loud and i love noisy packed clubs

4. i hate when poeple walk their dogs and see you outside but let their animal pee/shit in your yard

3. i hate when people abuse handicapped spots. like someone who drives a disabled person around and has that special sticker saying they can have the good spots. but they are missing the disabled person. they were just greedy and its like 12 degrees out and they didnt want to walk far. while im hiking it like 2 miles to the door.

2. i hate hypocritical people that tell you that you shouldnt do this or that and then do it themselves

and the number one thing i hate......................................drumroll please..

1. nosy, know it all, up in your business, dissaproving, look down their nose at you mothers who feel their son is too damn good for you. I FUCKING HATE IT!!!!!!!

ok to the main event now. so today i call jims mom to ask her a question about directions to a job place and all that stuff and she starts into her normal babble and all i hear is i know all and you dont know shit. i told her brent may be moving out and shes all like thats not good blah blah. well then she tries to slip in that this girl danielle(jims sisters friend) is looking for a place to live and kim (bitch) just happened to mention it to sue(the mom) who of course is trying to find a way to get more money and shit. heres my problem. I FUCKING HATE DANIELLE!! lemme go back into time a lil....back in 2001 i was ill and wanted to end a me and jim date early. so i told him to go hang out with my friend chris to find something to do. so he went. well chris invited these chicks over desiree and danielle. well danielle and jim know each other somehow i dont remember how, and while they were drinking and alone, they discussed with each other how they had these big crushes on each other blah blah blah. now i know it may not seem like a big deal to you, but im a jersey girl. everythings a big deal to us. how you gonna go up to someone elses man and bat your eyelashes and be like ooooo i have such a big crush on you.........whatever. i found out from desiress cousin. i was HOT! so anyway, bc im that kinda bitch,ive hated her ever since.back to the story...so sue was like yea so i know you dont like her and all but..get over it cuz we gotta do what we gotta do. excuse the fuck out of me? ummm me and jim were fine before without all these people living here. why do we all of the sudden need them now. and then she said shes gonna take my digital cable away too. fuck that shit!! and fuck her. i knew this bullshit was gonna start as soon as jim left. i fucking knew it. and if either one of them think im just gonna sit here and let them feed me the bullshit..they are sadly mistaken.how do i not even get a say on who does or doesnt live here? danielle is a party girl. i am too but its my house. if she thinks shes gonna run up in here and be a party girl..shes got a nother thing coming. ill take the blonde hair and hold it while i punt her slutty ass out the door. and if she lives here jims stupid troublestarting sister will be here all the damn time too. and we all know how she just looks for shit to start.

im fucking leaving this bitch and moving back to jersey until jim gets back. fuck the bullshit. id rather be there anydamnway. i hate the country i hate his family, i just wanna go home!!!now how to tell him without him getting all upset and thinking that im leaving him......

sighhh.....

nothing spectacular

nothing really great happened today. oh wait, my crab didnt try to escape today. whoopee!! lil bastard. i woke up today and called different places to try and find a job. im getting really frustrated with this whole job hsit. every thats a good job is like 35 miles away. thats alot of damn driving. 2 hours a day. 10 hours a week. 40 hours a month. not to mention my poor car. i dont know if it could survive it. anyway, and it probably wouldnt pay enough to drive all that way. except at tax time when i claim all those damn miles. i figured it out and i think it was like 1300 miles a month. and those are the months with only 4 weeks in it. anyway, and i spent like all damn day writing my stupid resume. blah blahblah..

then i found out that soon brent(the guy that lives here) plans on moving out soon. god dammit. i was really like having him here. i felt safer having him here. i hate being alone in a house, when its dark. hate it. and hes not a big guy but hey hes a guy. so then i decided to move back home for the time that jims gone because i have a guarenteed job there with my dad. but, and theres always a damn but, i couldnt bring my zoo of pets. and i love my pets i cant just get rid of them. so there that goes.

my friends randi and erik came by and me them and brent all got sucked into a video game. those of you with kids probably have this. but its like a video control you plug into the tv. we have spongebob. its got like 5 different games on it. we played it from like 5 30 to 10 30. can you believe it? but it was fun. and it was really nice to have some people here all together. i didnt feel so alone like for at least 5 hours. but........

now they are gone and im all alone and i havent heard from jim. my guess is that hes sleeping or something. but why didnt he call or at least text message me first? he never does that.hmmmm i hate that they work him so hard there but i guess if they are to go to iraq they have to be that way, huh?

oo oo real quick, the other day me and jim were talking and he told me they were having tornadoes where they were. and these dumb army boys, stood outside ,as the tornado sirens were going off and watched for them. now if the sirens going off arent you supposed to go hide in a basement or something? who the fuck goes running and looking for them? idiots. and these are the boys protecting us in iraq? makes you wonder.. good night all

hes back!!!!!!

well i woke this morning and checked out the tank and found mr.crab. god knows where he was, but when i found him he was coming out of the filter. so i pushed him back down into the tank. much to his dismay i suppose. im so happy. i told jim about it when he called last night and he said well when you smell rotten crab, youll find him. but i couldnt find him anywhere on the floor. but there he was this morning. austin will be so happy.

ok on to further news. yesterday my friend chris called me yesterday and asked could i please please watch his kid for an hour? i said i guess. it was only an hour cant be too bad. well one hour turned into three. im not very fond of kids. i dont really like being in situations with multiple children. like young kids. older ones are ok. anyway well the kid started getting whiney, and i absolutely hate whiney. so i called chris up and said lets go dude. i got shit to do. he said 15 more minutes. ok fine. 15 mins pass and the kid is throwing tamtrums. i HATE screaming tantrums. they make me insane. so i called chris again. now i know where he was and it only takes 10 minutes. so hes like i had to get gas blah blah blah. yea ok hurry the fuck up!! so then like 5 seconds later he calls me and hes like i hit something. i said i dont care chris lets go. so finally he pulls up and i got the kids all ready and there is this big thing in front of his headlight. he says what the hell is that. i started laughing. it was a birds wing. a bird flew into his headlight and got stuck. it was dead of course so he had to pull it off. next thing you know a whole wing gets pulled out. i almost threw up. it was so gross. but it was funny. so now there is a big dead bird in pieces in my trash can. im not looking forward to taking out the trash anytime soon. yuck.

my poor baby called at like 9 30 . he had to get up at 4am yesterday and they worked him until like 8 30. so then he had to shower shave eat and then go to a meeting and then finally go to bed at like 10 30 - 11pm to get up today and do it again. needless to say i didnt get to talk to him much, which upset me and him as well. he was really pissed. apparently mississippi is not his friend.

last night i hung out at randis for awhile. got a little lit. nothing special and then i came home and got bored went to bed. and thats bout it. i got up this morning and had bluberry pancakes and watched confessions of a teenage drama queen. i think i am drawn to teen movies for some reason. hmm...and now there is another child here keeping austin company while i type my story for you and play chew toy to the ferrets.

maybe ill be back with some exciting news later. probably not but maybe.

k, kids be safe!!

just felt the need

the other day i read someones blog that brought a little back into time. back where i havent been in awhile. back where i really dont like to visit. and now i just feel the need to post this. if you dont like it you can read my earlier post from today. its cool i wont be offended. i may go deeper into it tomorrow though.

hell house

they said it was beautiful, they said it was nice
but when you walked in your blood turned to ice
you lost all touch of feelings, every sense of emotion
all of your happiness, and some of your devotion
you were like a zombie trying to get through the day
watching every thought or word you wanted to say
it was like the walls had ears, you were never safe
the people there familiar, but all were afraid
of the demons that were inside, but that you couldnt see
god it was so hard growing up there, hard to be me
always scared to come home, to see what the night had in store
to hear all the screaming and things hitting the floor
running to save my sister, from the violence she might find
slowly but surely losing my fucking mind
it wasnt supposed to be like this, families were supposed to be happy
but the only thing i ever felt was a deep sense of misery
people on the outside would think our life was grand
but they were never there when my stepfather would raise his hand
they didnt see the blood, they didnt see the tears
they didnt see the cops, they didnt feel our fears
they didnt know a damn thing, if they did they didnt help
they didnt care about the bruises they didnt see the welts
from 5 to 16 all the things ive seen
and in those 11 years, noone heard the screams
everyone spread the rumors, but noone would help
and every night another piece of me would slowly melt
noone knew what it was like to be me, cuz noone would understand
big house with nice things yea my life was grand
24 years old now and still i cannot escape
its like im still in that life and this one is fake
the scars they are so deep,they never go away
no matter how long im gone im stuck in those days
this house is like hell, with all the demons inside still
they havent left yet and i doubt they ever will......

a good day for once

now i know you all think im a pathetic whiner, but today there will be no whining. wtf? i hear a donkey making donkey sounds. anyone know what thats called? anyway, yesterday i let austin miss school and we went and did stuff together cuz i bet it was impossible to live with me this past week. so i took him to see racing stripes. that movie is funny as hell. but before that we went to walmart and did some shopping. i spent bout 110 bucks. partly cuz of him. he loves walmart and wanted everything. i tried to find this game i want, but they didnt have it. i have searched everywhere for this f-in game and cant find it anywhere. its called outburst remix. dammit. i want it sooo bad. anyway so we went to the movies. and the movies with my child always costs like 40 bucks total. so we ate our sugar and fat, laughed, he got red juice on my white sweater. you know good times. well we were supposed to go to applebees to eat good in the neighborhood. but first i went to the ciggarette store. 27.00 a carton. i love going to delaware. anyway, so we went to applebees, austin ordered food as did i. neither one of us ate a damn thing. we were completely stuffed from the movie theater. but hey i took it all home and ate it for dinner. just as yummy. then we came home and my auntie was here. my head was pounding so i was starting to get a lil crabby. but 3 hours later i was fine. i went out to my friends house where we had.......CHOCOLATE ECLAIRS. god they were awesome. mmmmm. anyway so we hung out for awhile. we palyed mad gab. i love that game. and apparently we are better at it all lit up then sober. funny. anyway i got home about 12 30 and i checked the fish tank.....

AND THE CRAB HAS RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!

dont know where it went, but its gone. dammit. i searched the whole damn tank and hes nowhere to be found. oh well. thats bout it in my life.

hope everyone has an excellent day

SIGH

my lover called last night. i was sooooo sad, god all i did was cry. and he sent me various text messages last night. im so sad and its only cuz i feel lonely. and when i cry to him he says the same thing over and over again. "youll be alright vanessa" finally, cuz i was in rare form i spazzed. no i wont be alright stop fucking telling me how i feel. you dont know how i feel. god that really irritates me. DONT TELL ME HOW I FEEL. I AM NOT ALL RIGHT SO STOP TELLING ME. HE WAS ALL QUIET FOR A MINUTE.oops forgot to take off the caps. anyway, then he apologized. said he was sorry, and he was sorry he had to leave me. and all that good stuff. then he had to go. he sent me text messages and i finally understood what he meant. he thinks that im worried about us not making it through. like when i say i cant do this, i mean i cant do us. thats not what i meant at all. i know we'll be ok. duh. and then he said all this other sweet crap and i felt better. for that point of time. he started telling me what was on the schedule for today. they were doing all evaluations to make sure everyone was still able to go. i told jim to smack his head against the railing to break a tooth so he wouldnt have to go. he said sounds painful to me. i told him id take away all his pain. then that escalated into dirty talk. which, makes me laugh. then we were fine, until he got off the phone. then, i cried and said "dont go, dont leave me" im so pathetic. but i wait all day long for like a 10 minute conversation. and then i get it, and its like my special time with him. and at the end of 10 minutes im not ready to lose him for the day yet.

i dunno how to explain it...but nobody understands how i feel. except other wives and girlfriends of military people. and i havent met any yet.

siiigggghhhhhhhhh :(

im not gonna make it

today is a numb day.

im so f-in miserable its unbeleivable. i spelled that wrong but i dont care. now being a bitch and all like im so good at has its benefits and its downsides as well. today is one of those down days. cuz you see, i really dont care for many female people. i hate other bitchy girls, and egotistical ones who thik thier shit dont stink, and well you get it. so that leaves me with like a total of 8 friends. if that. 2 live in nj. 2 are married with kids, and never wanna do anything. 1 is kinda weird and kinda gets on my nerves, my sissy whos in ny, and one other girl. well ive been steady hanging out with her, and i think shes getting tired of me. so now i have nothing. im all alone. and i hate being alone more than anything else in the world. im running out of movies to rent, and pets to buy, and i think im getting ready to have a meltdown. if that happens..watch out everybody. thats not good

I MISS MY JIMMY!!!!!!!!!!

how am i goona survive 18 months when i cant survive 2 weeks.

i think im gonna cry now

blah blah blah blah, sigh, blah blah

god im so bored. ive got the blah blahs. im even getting bored of going shopping. can you believe it? ive spent 1200 in 5 days. on just stuff. i miss my jimmy. lets see...whats new?

(tapping fingers on keys)

jim called last night and i cried like a bitch. i just kept crying and being unreasonable like a 5 year old. he kept saying itll be alright vanessa and i was all no it wont. but saying it like a bratty 5 year old. lmao. then he started saying dirty things which makes me laugh. so i was like laughing then crying back and forth and then he said he had to go. yup.. back to crying again. this sux. he did tell me he misses me and wishes he were here. which i basically know. but i guess its the thought that counts. sighhhh

hmmm what else.....i went shopping again today. and actually came home with money. yayyyyyyy. im so proud. i went to walmart with intentions of filling out an application just so i could tell jim i did. and 45 mins and 82 dollars later i got in my car and forgot all about that application. oops. oh well ill go back tomorrow.

lmmfao. i also went to the pet store. again. the lady laughs at me when i come in now. i bought 15 water loving creatures. 15!!! i got a crab,a newt, and 13 fish. i was just there yesterday to get fish. i got 4 fish and a crab.so in 2 days ive bought 17 fish 2 crabs and a newt. thats really funny to me. and guess what? tomorrow is buy one get one free fish day. im really laughing about this. too funny.

ok well thats it for now.

blah blah blah....

another fun day in nessas life

yup folks thats right another peachy fucking keen day for me. i feel like all ive done lately is bitch/whine lately. hmm. anyway went out and about today. bought a bunch of shit i dont need..again. and then i had a job interview. well i think i flopped on that one. then i come home and look up movie listings cuz i promised austin id take him to see racing stripes cuz i thought it was out today. to find out that its not. hes gonna be pissed. yay something to look forward to. then to kill time and make myself feel better i went to the pet store..again, and got some new fish and a crab for austin. not sure why he wants one but whatever. and leave the pet store feeling semi decent to get to my street and be pulled over by a cop. god damn. i watched him bust a u-ie and all i knew he was coming after me. pulled me over for not wearing a seat belt. must have been bored. asshole. hes like why arent you wearing a seat belt i said im at my house. and hes like well you werent wearing it back there. and i was like thats where i left from. see im not good at the poor pathetic me stories to the cops. for some reason, when i get pulled over(and that seems to be often) i start shaking really bad. makes me look guilty. but i cant help it. so he asks for my license and shit and i open my glove compartment to realize that my friend left "fun stuff" in my car. i was like oh shit. i lied to mister officer and told him my registration must have been in my house and pointed to my house. well he accepted that. phew. and while he was writing my ticket, i sat and thought of how much i miss my lover. seems like everything is going from sucky to just plain shitty.

welcome to my life!!

owwwwwww part 2

hello hello. its me. got another tatt done today. i was supposed to get 2 but i couldnt take anymore after 2 hours. ive had 6 hours worth of tatts done this weekend. anyway, not much else happening.

i watched titanic today. i know what you are all thinking but this is how i get through depression. i watch really sad movies and see how other peoples lives real or fake are worse then mine. i think tomorrow it will be a walk to remember. but today i got sad and missed jim. i know its only been 3 days but i miss him so much. sniff sniff. i really feel like hes been gone longer. god how i will i make it 5 and a half more months. sigh....... i guess it could be worse. he could have dies in ice cold freezing water, or killed himself. but still. wahhhhhhhhhhhh. ok i feel a lil better

anyway, jim called today and he sounded sad. he told me he misses me, and i said i do him too. and then to try and cheer him up i said i missed him alot alot alot alot. and asked if he missed me that much too. he said he missed me alot. and i said well damn guess you dont miss me that much. he said i miss you times infinite. hes so cute. he asked how i was doing and i said i was sad today. i miss the smell of him today. i ve been sniffing his clothes but its not the same as the sent a guy leaves behind no matter how many times you wash the shirt. well ok i guess if you washed it a million times it would go away but you know what i mean. i amy have to spray some of his very sexy cologne on my teddy bear. yes all i do sleep with a teddy bear at 24 still. and i always will. hahahaha. i dont care what anyone says. hehehe

oh my god i saw the funniest movie last night. stupid but funny. its called harold and kumaar go to white castle. it is so freaking funny. and its all in jersey. yea yea. representin the home state. just playing. sorta. ok i gots to go. leg is sore

OOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!

hello my faithful friends. i got two new tattoos today. was supposed to get 4 but they hurted so i said we could finish them tomorrow. they look real cool though.

awww my ferrets are so cute. they snuggle together.

oh heres my jim update. i talked to him yesterday 2 times. hes safe in mississippi. says its warm but that the barracks there suck. says he misses home already. i told him bout my quitting the job already and he wasnt too mad. and then i told him bout the zoo i bought yesterday and he was more mad about the hamsters then my quitting the job. funny. before i left i told him i was gonna buy a dog to keep me safe. and when i was on the phone with him yesterday i got another call and made him hold on for a sec and when i came back he was like well who was so important you couldnt wait to talk to. and i told him it was brent our new roomate and he said what did he want and i said nothing in my im being bad voice. he said jesus vanessa did you get a damn dog too? i laughed so hard. i said no love, i had him run and get something for me. hahaha. at least now i know he expects it. so now i can get one.hehehe

oh my god. the funniest shit just happened. remember how i said that i got a really cool hamster cage? its got all kinds of neat tunnels and shit on it. well i had to take the wheel off cuz the fuckers peed in it and then absorbed it in their fur so it was all pee smelling so i sent them to the top half of the cage and locked them in it. well when i came down i couldnt find them so i recruited brent and erik to help me search. we just spent 45 minutes looking for them and the whole damn time they were in this damn cage in one of the darker tubes. god damn i felt dumb. oh well.

anyway i got blitzed last night and watched romeo and juliet like i planned. i didnt cry as much as i thought i would probably cuz i was toasted and felt happy. i did talk to jim for like a second but he had to go and that made me sad. but what are ya gonna do.

they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder..or some bullshit like that. but my heart just hearts. i miss my boo boo :(

lifes a bitch..again

hello friends. sorry ive been so shitty but well you know. ok lets do a quick backtrack. new years eve, god soooo wasted. it was fun. i got confetti everywhere. still cleaning it up. new years day..soooooooo hungover. day after that we had to go to jims parents. which is always fun. monday we did a nothing really but have quality time. which was nice. until his parents butted in. at about 8 that night, the army people called and said that jim would be able to come back here on tues,weds,and thursday nights and that he would leave today around 11 am. so i was happy. we spent those nights together and had a blast. i didnt even cry. (yayyyyy). then last night came. i cried from 3 30 to 4 30. and then 7-11 when we went to bed. then i got up with him at 1 30 am cuz he had to leave by 2. and cried from 1 30- 3-30 and then had to get up for work. lemme tell you how i woke up and was scared of myself. my whole face was swollen. i was like whoa. so i tried to get out of work but no go. i cried all the way to work. i saw some of my friends and as soon as they saw me they asked the dumb question which is are you ok? which when you are sad always makes you cry again. so again i cried. and then the bitch supervisor called me in the office to bitch at me cuz i was so miserable looking. when your face is as swollen as mine, you really have no choice other then to look miserable. and she kept asking me what my deal was and i said im having a bad week. and in her bitch voice she said everyone has a bad week vanessa you just have to get through it. i said oh im gonna and i quit!!!!!! probably a dumb idea but i hate the way they treat me there anyway. its not like it was a real spectacular job anyway. i dont know about you but when im sad i shop. so i went and bought a new ferret, which is named cinnamon bc it is colored like cinnamon. and two hamsters for austin. hes not home from school yet so they are nameless. and a really kick ass cage for them with all these neat tunnels. and now i feel better. tomorrow ill get 4 more tattoos and ill be a happy camper. oh and i ordered a copy of the 1996 version of romeo and juliet cuz its my favorite. but i rented it too. and im gonna go watch it with some ben and jerrys and cry.

hope everyone is well

1 year 5 months and 30 days to go.....

gone...........

how will i survive these next 18 months without my booboo, my bff, my lover, my big teddy bear. dont feel like writing much. sorry guys im sure you understand..

i hate bush. fucking bastard